Yes... Ive been sitting in the dark

There isnt power at home. Why? Because the electricity people are lame. Thats all I have to say about that subject.

heheh jesus lols

So In other news I have just ended another school week (YUSS). I got to talking to Salmon and Milkshake (how come almost all my friends have edible things as nicknames? Salmon, Milkshake, Chocolate Milk, Wholemeal... Its odd) and they said that theyd miss me when they leave the country. However to maintain their friendship, and the majority of my readership, Id have to regularly include them in y blog posts. I havent figured just how to do this. Its hard enough occasionally bothering with punctuation, now I have to figure out how to include the awesome people in my life. /sigh... the things I do for friendship.

So life in general is ok. I have my work, school, family and friends, just like any other person would. I have Bixby Canyon Bridge playing on Winamp. I have a hand to hold. I have a place to lie my head. I have the ability to draw horribly caricatured cats. I have a loving dog that barks at people when he should. I am me, and I really really wish I had power at home.. :P

Oh look! A new post!

Fifiiii!

I've had school. I'm also very lazy (Je suis tres paresseuse... Desolee!). I guess I cbf updating but I thought that it would be nice not to forget Fifi, who I made just for a certain person who has something to do with bread, but not really. I don't uberly miss him, I just think it sucks that I havent seen him in about three days. For some people, like me, three days seems like a lot. I guess it's lame because he's fifteen minutes away and I still can't see him.

School is school is school. Its not too bad. Sure, I've been keeping up with everything except the readings and whatnot, but I'm still doing the work (yay me!). In between reading, sleeping and breathing, school is all I have. Speaking of sleeping, it's been so cold (23C, which is freezing for me)
that getting up in the morning is incredibly difficult, not to mention not dying every time I leave the common room at school. I should really find myself some socks... Well, cheery-bye and goodnight, Internets. I hope to update tomorrow, with more Fifi (if I'm not curled up in bed hiding from the "cold").

Oh my goodness, doggie with a funny faaaaaace! :D

Je suis un peu triste... mais pas beaucoup.

Hey there. I'm warning you, this is going to be a little emo. I'm sorry but the thing is… I’ve been having a terrible week. It’s all lies, lies, lies and more lies, everywhere. Sure, I'm being a relative douche to my family and I hate myself for that. I hate how I'm disappointing everyone. I especially hate how I always manage to make my mother unhappy. I'm scared of her, and I'm terrified that I'm going to grow up and she and the rest of my family won’t want to have anything to do with me. I try to make them happy, I try at school but I'm stuck with a B grade, and I can’t do any better… I hate even thinking about University because all I want to do is Art school, but I know it’s not practical enough. I can’t bring it up because I feel bad even thinking about the money it takes to put up a portfolio space thing… I can’t ask that of her. I love my mother and I try to do anything that I can to keep her happy, but from time to time I just want a little space, and I know I probably am too young or have too much to do to have any space of me time. I'm really not reacting well to the new school week. I have to say though, friends like Salmon, Milkshake and especially Chocolate Milk and Wholemeal are making it easier to get through the days. That and occasional knocking out in the afternoon. If there’s one thing I hate about sleep… well, it’s a tie between the icky taste in my mouth when I wake up and the nightmares. I’ve been having them a lot lately. I don’t think it’s something to worry about. I probably have to just stop eating just before sleep.

In other news, Persepolis is an amazingly awesome movie. Well, the books are good, but the film adaptation is just as good. I cried a little, especially when her uncle Anoush gets executed. I also cried right at the end, when I found out that Marjane Satrapi’s grandmother died. I didn’t know… and she seems so close to her grandmother, not to mention that her grandmother seems to have been an awesome person. It also helped with my French a bit, seeing as it’s in French. I didn’t always have to read the subtitles… Okay… time to get some work done.

Do you remember?

Sorry for the lack of updating. Ive had school. Im stressing out a little. My physics standard is not good, Im terrified of exams, and ... Im scared Im not paying enough attention to my family. By family, I mean all of it. I feel bad that I dont keep in touch with the people that live down the road, on both sides. I miss my little brothers so much that when I saw the birthday card that they gave my brother, I cried. I miss them so much. Its the older ones birthday today. Hes 10 and Im scared Im going to miss the celebration because of some stupid thing we have at school on the same day. Wholemeal was guilt tripping a little because of it... goodness, I hope it's in the evening.. or in the afternoon.. /sigh.
So I was thinking about what to blog about.. and I have no idea. Well... Im downloading the Persepolis movie, I took a picture of my "peace and love" earrings I got at Bondi last year, Im going to watch a movie in a bit, and Milkshake decided to be all lame and went idle on gmail. Im still working off my netbook because my brothers pc is too far away from the modem to use the ethernet cord that actually works, so I get to use the internet WHENEVER I WANT. The gay thing is that Persepolis was going to take two days to be downloaded, and my brother was silly enough to pause the download ALL DAY yesterday and so I was thoroughly ticked off. I also got angry at work today because the people in charge of things like the programme schedule and the news script didnt do their job so I was very upset and frustrated after I was confused. So that's about it.. Peace and love to all y'all :)

Peace and Love :)

so sipping cocacola and doing some hommerk.

Oh hai! Im updating from the netbook... I just finished re-arranging my room, which meant shifting around furniture like my desk and bed. ill need to shift the dresser apparently "to let the air in". Thats just silly cuz teh air doesnt get in anyway. SO had a long day and i still need to do some physics and take a look see at my EE just in case. Ah well, Ill get up early in the morning to look at the EE, or check it on the bus in the morning.. because I have a handy dandy netbook like that :)

So nothing much apart from Im tired, I miss people and Im not a fan of sleeping in the evening because then my head gets all weird and i have a funny feeling in my mouth that bothers me. So, listening to yellow submarine for the billionth time, and trying to do physics. The movie isnt distracting me, im just finding the science difficult.. stupid circuits. They are difficult to understand. So here I leave y'all, with Fifi and a smudged comic :D

The holidays are gone...

Im tired.. but I must stay up, and pretend that I have work to do to put my body back into the groove of school. I finally got rid of the stubborn last 8 words in my darn EE. Im so happy! I also miss Wholemeal. Is so sucky that I barely get to see him... /sigh. But Im not dwelling, because life shouldnt be wasted on "the dwells".

Honestly, I have no idea what to blog about. I dont want to make a long, sad post about anything, or trip on anyone, or just write about anything. I guess I will do the dwells. Im going to write about what I'll miss about the holidays.

Im going to miss sitting around in my pajamas, eating icecream sandwiched between cookies, and reading myself to sleep. Im not going to be able to eat nice lunches in town or see Wholemeal (im guessing, Im not so sure...). Im going to have to ram as much sleep into my nights, inbetween school, work and usual people things like eating. Im not glad that I'll have to start study from tomorrow but Im glad that the EE is almost done with (as in, Im handing it in soon). Im definitely going to miss the sleeping in part of the day and being able to wear whatever I want. I guess this all means that I cant wait to grow up and not have to deal with anything like stupid school or my mam... /shrug

Holy smokes, donuts!

DOAN EVEN THINK ABOUT EATING MY DONUT.
BIZZNATCH.

Im at work.... I need to burn some time (with FIRE!, but ntrlly) before I intro the next programme. My awesome friends, Milkshake and Wholemeal, dropped some food off, so I wont die of hunger, yay! Im feeling good, I dont want to go to my brother's party because it might be really odd, having my mam and my stepmum in the same room... ah well, I'm not going to let it bother me just yet. Im feeling good, as said before, because of this mostly:

NEKKID WITH NOTHING BUT SOME KICKASS SHOES.
BEST....IDEA....EVER.

Why would that make me feel good? Because it reminds me that there are many type of people out there and I shouldnt care if I dont classify as the "best type". As Milkshake told me, it's the cute ones that win in the end. I may not be skinny or be able to walk in heels, but I'm comfy in my flat sandals, being short and cute (with large thighs). I havent got much else to talk about, apart from the OHNOESSCHOOLISSTARTINGSOON, but yeah, I'll keep y'all posted. Also, big-ups to the anonymous commenter, who used the word "walketh".. IMMD :)

PUNS ARE THE BEST SOURCE OF THE LULZ.
YES. LULZ. DEAL WITH IT

It's almost over..

I've been watching that Yellow Submarine movie again.. So while watching last night, drew this up because I'm avoiding the left over school work I have to do before school starts again. I promise myself that I'll work on some of it tonight.
I've been having a few good days so far. Work has been productive, I went out last night with some friends, had a good time (I still feel as if I'm not being a good enough friend to Chocolate Milk, Milkshake and Salmon... I'm sure I'll make it up to Chocolate Milk on Saturday :D ) and then I came home and crashed and it was nice :)
There isn't much to report, and I hope the last post wasn't too much... I know I should've at least tried to bung a picture in there... but I was lazy :P

Hobbies

I was sitting at Palm court today and was reading the paper when I came across this article about a pageant entree, and I felt that some of her hobbies were a little odd, and I wanted to complain about it. So I pulled out my computer, drained my coffee cup and wrote what you see below.

If there’s something I’ve noticed, its how people, in general, are starting to get boring. It seems that “surfing the net”, “meeting new people” and “travelling” are popular hobbies. First of all, being able to use the internet, and doing so often shouldn’t be considered a skill anymore. Well, not a highly respected skill. It should take the back seat with reading and being able to make two minute noodles. On the other hand, being able to make two minute noodles fancy, but adding things that would actually qualify it is a meal would be more like cooking than a backseat hobby. Secondly, I don’t understand the whole meeting new people concept. How exactly does that qualify as a hobby? Is there some kind of meeting new people roster that I’m not aware of? Is there a meet new people day? Does that mean that the person picks a day where they plan to go out of their way to meet new people? I don’t know but I guess that it’s now starting to sound like a real hobby. Lastly, let’s take a look at travelling. How does one go about that in a place as small as Fiji? Does going to the shop down the road count? I hope it does, because then I can add travelling to my own list of hobbies. Perhaps travelling is a code word for something else, like shopping or bar hopping or perhaps even taking the bus. Personally, I love bus rides. When taking a bus you never have to worry about the actually driving, or seat belts (in this country anyway as there's no such thing as safety in a bus), there's almost always a clear view of the scenery (most buses are sans windows) and it’s the cheapest form of transport. To pull back to the hobbies, I’ve got to ask, what is a hobby and what can you do in Fiji that qualifies? There's definitely swimming, with all the water around the country, you can’t throw a stone without the stone ending up in water. Then again the water might just be a giant puddle in the middle of the main road or the creek that runs through Suva, both of which are bodies of water that you would definitely not want to swim in. Fiji does however have the Blight Waters, the Pacific Ocean and many rivers and pretty beaches to frolic around at. Reading is a hobby that has definitely taken such a far seat back that it’s sitting in the boot of the car. No one wants to read anymore. Sure, it’s a gross generalisation, but if you ask five children off the street whether they’d like a nice book for their birthday or a shiny new DS, I'm sure they’d pick the latter. Heck, I’d pick the latter. But we’ve got to look at all the bonuses of books; they’re cheap, don’t need batteries and expand the imagination (if it’s a good book). The DS may be pretty and shiny, but needs new games when the player gets bored, relies on electricity and might give the child carpal tunnel syndrome, and that’s never fun. Sleeping should definitely be listed as a hobby. I love to sleep. I miss being able to sleep and not have to worry about the day ahead. Worrying might be my most common pastime, but if I had my way, it would be sleeping. Sleeping is fun. There is nothing like the theatre of the mind to keep me company when I’m curled up in bed, on the couch or even lying on my desk at school. It is not recommended, however, to sleep at school or on a couch in a furniture store because you’ll just end up looking silly or missing something vital in class. When it comes to listing hobbies, try not to lie (because if you’re boring, people deserve to know), always play around with funny and smart looking words (use big words to describe little things, like saying that you’re an autodidact instead of saying that you teach yourself things) and try to find an interesting hobby immediately before someone asks what you do (it’s always good to be prepared). Then again, that’s just what I think.

I got a book.

Well today I spent nearly all my life savings ($5 out of $10.. not really life savings, but is all I have..) on buying a nice new pen and a sketchbook. Now I dont have to steal my brothers paper until i run out of pages in the book... which might not take long because of my crazy busy hands and uber aimlessness on most days... so yea, i have cramps from my hips to my feet. Sorry internets, I dont care if you know. I just feel like bitching about it. And yes, I made a lil comic book.. its too cute to even talk about. That is to say, if i explained it i might make myself sick. Work impending... both work-work and school-work... man, having a life is difficult. I would like to thank Chocolate Milk for the awesome day today! mucking around is fun ^_^

I did go to church..

Im starting to get a little skeptical. I do acknowledge that there are many parts of the christian faith that I dont agree with (I think.. but Im not going to go on about it..). However, today, it all got a little worse. In the sermon today,the congregation was told that we should live our lives for others. For...others. This sort of goes against my major plan life, that being that I want to be happy. I want to do things that I enjoy. And so on. Sure, there are exceptions, like how what Ill wear to my end of year ball will be whatever my mam wants, how I try to do things that she would be proud of... and so on. Also I make sure I dont break the "agree with a sad friend and make sure theyre feel better" rule. I do know something now. I want to make someone happy. I dont now how to do that exactly, but being there seems to be working for now... Ok, Im going back to my book... Im reading what is pretty much the sex and the city prequel. Im so jealous of Carrie and her confidence. Sure, she doesnt always know what to do, and shes trying to figure things out for herself, but the voice of the character is firm and sure in what she believes. Yes, Im jealous of a fictional character for her confidence. Sad? A little bit. I dont care, I love reading and I missed it so much... stupid IB.

Combating the Emo

I changed the blog a little today, I added the note to readers to the side as well and shifted things about too... I think that it would be nice if people knew just how to read the posts all proper like. I also felt the need to point in teh opposite direction of the emos (that is to say to ignore it). Anyway, into today's second post!

Okay... I just want to know... Does anyone else think that image (the words) are a teeny bit suggestive? I looked at it while browsing my reader and laughed out loud. Seriously. For a while. I have a mind like a gutter. Sure, i find practically everything funny.. because theres always a connotation and my mind can tangent like anything. So... Speaking of love.. Im going to show y'all (whoever y'all are) something i found.

Okay. I know its my second or third "yay for gay rights!" picture... but if theres something i believe in, its individuality. I mean, I dont really care about sexuality. I dont care about that whole stigma thing. I dont think bible bashers have any right whatsoever to stigmatise people because of who they love (whatever kind of love it may be). Love is love is love. We shouldnt love a gender, or anything apart from people. Thats the gosh-honest truth to me. I believe that love is something pure, and i know that it takes many forms. I love my closest friends, and I remind them of that (not often as they might feel is necessary because I think it should be implied rather than shoved down their throats).

And lastly.. OMG LOOK AT THE KWOOT PUPPEH!!! (/spaz). Sorry, the "/spaz" was a little insensitive. That would be where I rattle off in rapidfire speech and make little squeals in adoration of the kwootness. Yes. Kwootness. Not Cuteness. Its waaaaay too cute for the word cute. So hopefully the kwoot will chase away the Emos. I hear that cute wins over hot in the end. Its probably true :)

(PS: Thanks very much to the following for their awesomeness- Ryss, Milkshake, Salmon and Wholemeal... You gang made my day today.. ^^ )

So Im feeling little...

Well, not hot i guess would sum it all up. I have friends, girlfriends specifically, who have bodies that make me want to die in the corner. I feel bad because.. well... I feel bad because I hate the way I look and I sometimes feel bad standing next to wholemeal because of how I look. Sure, Im a bit insecure today. It happens. Its definitely not good when it happens, but it happens nevertheless. You know what started it off today? Jessica Rabbit. I bet any guy would want to take her out to dinner. Heck damn, I would just in the vain hope that some of her appeal would rub off (preferably not literally, seeing as I dont swing that way..).

Sure sure, Im uber acknowledging the shallowness of the world in general today. I also know that I wouldnt want to be with someone just because of the attractiveness of either party... But.. my insecurities have crept up and I feel somewhat undeserving of all my recent happiness. I mean, sure, if i made the effort to exercise more often than once in a blue moon, Id be a bit less... negh.. but.. I dont have time to. I dont have the energy. I cant find anything that I enjoy. Im not a big fan of sport in general, so.. I find it hard to get interested in physical activity type things... ah well. Im going back to the couch, to eat chocolate and stick my nose in a book while i feel sorry for myself a bit. Im sure Ill cheer up soon and will draw tomorrow.. Im sure.

Oh hai.

Sorry for the Emo.. it had to go somewhere..

Hey there! Emo comic coming your way! I guess its quite not-very-good how attached I am to wholemeal now.. but thats ok.. Im sure Ill get over it eventually.. Had an interesting day, with the roaming around a teeny bit, and getting the supermarketing done is less than 10 minutes because Im a no-nonsense person when it comes to shopping (because Im relatively impatient...). After the shopping, I lazed about at home, then cooked in the afternoon.. Im hungry but I dont think Im allowed to touch the food.. conundrum.

Yes...it's all i am.

So.. I really hate staying at home. It is gay. No.. Im going to stop using that word in that sense. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I change what I said to : I dont like staying at home because I get bored and feel lonely. I hate it. Ah well. I guess it's one of those things I have to live with I spose...

lookit! Im being deep nao with teh image posting..

Mr Sandman... why did you make me scared?

So.. after sleeping half my day away, I got a horrible shock. I was fuzzy headed and was very much happy to realise that all the horror was just in my head. I had this odd dream where the sea and the sky had been swapped. It was raining the wrong way... And everything was made worse by what I had seen (i usually dream in first person...). I had walked out of a doctors office and into what looked like some little Italian town, with the cobbled roads and muscle-y tanned men standing next to their vespas (Im in love with vespas). I had just recieved news that I couldnt have children. I was walking the streets trying to figure out what that meant for me. Im sure Ive said it, but Im terrified of pregnacy and that whole child rearing thing. Imagine that one day there'd be this little baby swimming around inside you that was going to grow up one day and be its own person. Its a terrifying responsibily.

THIS IS A VESPA

I have the good ol' netbook back

Sure, its hard to sleep when im lying in bed and could be on facebook at the same time, but... Im sure I'll turn off the computer when i need to... that is why my eyes hurt too much to see anything properly.. I guess.
Was watching this and its sequel, because wholemeal made me. Why? Because hes a spaz... an awesome spaz, but a spaz nonetheless :) I recommend everyone sees it for a little brain down-time.
So... Im getting to be a little boring. I spent most of my day at home, sure some of it was spent not on my own... but as a new-adult I should be out on the town, mucking about pretending to be window shopping and being all round aimless.. but no. Instead I stay at home, doing dishes and pretty much guising work.. Is terrible but true.
So Im going to listen to some friends and feel sad because im relatively far away from the person who makes me uber happy... but then Ill feel better because of the memory of him being right here.. miss you, scratchyface :)

I broke the "im not going to blog" thing

Okay, first of all, Fifi has not nothing to do with the name Felix. Fifi is from the Metropolis manga, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and i went off about Max a little. Max is a-freaking-dorable :D I love him :)

Im having some trouble sleeping...

So I decided to blog. I know I said that I wouldnt have time to do this... but guess what? Its midnight and I cant sleep. I mean, my head is a little bothered, but apart from that im happy.

Im going to tell a story now. I need to clear my head. There was once a little person who never knew what it wanted. It thought every day, and every day there was something different. At first, the person wanted to be adventurous and drive a race car. This was around the time that the little person discovered just how silly school was. So this person looked for other things that it could do that didnt need school; a cleaner or a farmer? Which could the little person do? The little person got a little bit older and realised that it could not avoid this thing called school, and it began to dream bigger. Perhaps, thought the little person, I could be a lawyer and help people who are in trouble! But as soon as the little person realised that law school was expensive and would take many years, it gave up with that dream. Also, the little person figured that people should fix their own messes. Perhaps, thought the little person a while later, I could be a marine biologist and fix the coral reefs! The little person then realised that it was hopeless at sciences, and put away that dream too. Sad things happened to the little person, it lost its grandfather. I know, thought the little person, Ill be a doctor and find a way to save people like grandpa. But no, medical school required sciences and would take longer than law school... so the little person put that away too. Years went but, the little person got closer to being a person. It was told that it could be a lawyer, a doctor, a chemist, a teacher, and nurse, a pilot and many many other things. The little-ish person always put away these imposed dreams. They arent what I want, thought the little-ish person. More years went by, and the little-ish person worked at a few places, and became a full person. The person thought, I want to change the world. The person wanted to run a media outlet. It seemed like a proper enough dream. But there was always one dream that the person, now not so little at all, would pull out from time to time. The dream of being like its father, of being a dreamer, an artist. Always the person put this dream away saying that it wouldnt be smart, or practical, or that the person would never be successful; the person wasnt the right person for that. But as I said, every now and again, the person pulls out that dream and hugs it tight. Its a happy dream. That person has realised that the only dreams worth turning into truths, into reality, are the dreams that make people happy. Now, as I tell you this, this person, now not really little, has put this dream away, but dreams of a bigger happiness. A happiness with a who, not a what. Would that dream be something that the person puts away?

I couldnt be bothered to actually write anything.

So. I didnt really want to write much, so i drew what you see above. I couldnt be bothered to draw properly either, so thats why it looks as if im made of sticks, as im seriously not built that way (doanchaknow). I tried to draw a cat... Im not very good at them. Was at the request of Wholemeal... So yea. Next week Im not going to force myself to blog in between all the work that needs doing, all the school stuff I need to attend to and trying to squeeze some fun in there too. I know I can manage my time in that way. I will make sure that I can anyway :)

Im alive, dont worry

Well, I'm sure there's no real reason to worry about me, but yes. Ive been caught up with work things, as well as a bit of drama. Who knew that I was such a bad communicator? Well... I guess I didnt really notice, because I talk to myself all the time, but I have to admit my selfishness and my complete disregard for my family. I had a bit of a breakdown when I had to deal with the whole introduction of the idea of me going out with someone to my family. They didnt take it too well. Im sure it'll sort out though.
I feel very awesome though. Well, awesome aside from tired. I walked up to MC Trey, who is this female musician who i met the last time she visited Fiji, I walked up to her, said a few things, while my mam coordinated the giving of the phone number and I should eventually get a call from her telling me when she'd be free for an interview. This was after I went to a STOP AIDS thing. This function was supposed to be expected to be a "lets stand around and record the speeches" but because of the presence of certain beverages I will need to work very much on the post production side of things to have an actual program.

look at this awesome octopus. I want to be its friend :D

Milkshake performed last night. My brothers friends were very impressed. I just liked how i could actually understand what he was saying. Also, screaming for someone you actually know makes people feel important right..? Well, it makes me feel that way. Its sorta like how I feel awesome because I can say things like "Im friends with that guy on stage!". Its nice.

The cutest thing about star wars : ewoks

So apart from all that, nothing much has happened. I had some drama this week, felt happy and sad and then happy again. I finished the alphabet series, and Im still trying to work on my communication skills. Im tired, Im happy, Im in desperate need of more time in general. Apart from all the downs, it's the ups that make everything worth it :)

Z

i dont feel like blogging today.