Liquid sunshine

It poured outside but Bernadette Rounds-Ganilau brightened the studio and turned the rain into liquid sunshine.

As she and I talked to prepare her and myself for the live interview, she shared that the issues of her generation were mine too.

This was the worry.

The equality and recognition of women in leadership, in areas of development, despite generations of campaigning seemed fruitless; women and their involvement were still a non-issue.

Why was this? Simply the clutter of development. The focus has always been on the band-aid solutions of road fixing and other infrastructural issues.

Women knew all the issues and found themselves put second. More than half the population is pushed aside and put with the sewing machines and occasional tokenism.

Perhaps it is the women themselves that need to affirm their need and right to be involved in development issues that do not seem to be “woman’s work”.

Maybe these past three generations are forgetting to talk to each other. I have been privileged to have my mother and grandmother teach me what the movement has done ans support my entry into it.

While I stand ready to train young women to join what I am part of, as I hope I am doing with my training of the young Maria through the Morning Waves breakfast show on femTALK 89FM, I hope to see the ripples echo our youth.

Development is not simply work for men or women, but for the society as a whole. We women just wish to be included; that is why we do what we do.

We thank those that had come before us, we remember them being with us.

While Bernadette had left the studio for a whole hour, Maria turned to me at the end of the shift and said, “You can still smell Mrs Ganilau's perfume!”

Her impression did not just permeate the studio, but I felt energised and looked at the pouring rain and for a second did not feel the dread of the soaked walk I was going to take, but looked forward to the sun rising on Suva's newly cleaned buildings and plants.

I looked forward to the freshness after the rain.

Puff puff cough

I have a bad habit and its name is smoking.

I haven't always been a smoker but it is my firm belief that I am not that bad when it comes to smoking.

Visit LF for more of these!

To be fair I only ever smoke when I'm relaxing. This was on the recommendation of my uncle, the Padre James.

Unfortunately with the massive influx of a heap of stress, I've taken to attempt to relax a lot. I have found that my smoking increases as stress does because the need or, to be true, the wish for relaxation increases.

I stress about a lot of things. I tend to worry. This does mean that I stress easily. I stress about work, about university assignments, classes and life in general.

Although after two blood pressure checks, Sunday and today (the latter being for a project I'm part of - info to follow later, I guess?) I don't actually have a medical problem because of it, so that's good. To be fair, I'm not the healthiest feeling person and I know there's a billion ways that I can improve but I guess the important thing is to GET CHECKED.

All that aside, I'm a lazy human being. I'm not uber healthy because of this. Now, my smoking of course tends to make me lazier. So, I suppose upon this realisation and knowing that I need to make a change at some point means I want to start now.

That said, I do plan on keeping my smoking where my drinking is: a social activity bystander. I will not smoke unless I feel like it anyway, but I guess I'll save it for a time that I know I'll enjoy it.

So with that, I guess I wanna throw some advice to the wind. I read somewhere that things like alcohol and cigarettes should never be something you think you need to have or consume, but rather should be something you enjoy. Your health is your business and so you need to figure out how you work and try to keep everything is check.

They say health is wealth and I've been pretty poor of pocket so I might as well try to pull myself up by my ears knowing only I can change myself.

attempting positivity

it's the end of the semester.

it's gone and now i just wait and see if i have failed a unit or two because i dont feel good about this one and all. in other news, im going through some stuff that includes a lot of facewalling.

i am also sick. i miss my ma and i want someone to look after me. i dont want to grow up and be 20 and learn about income tax and figuring out passport things and learn about budgeting to flat or worry about what grown up relationships are supposed to be about.

these are supposed to be my prime years but my friends are all out of town and im honestly a lot more comfy at home. so why the whining?

we all have that little "snarky" voice. i know because lifehacker sent me an email about it. and all of last year ive forced and double forced the positive extrovert to exhaustion. in short, i tried but failed at being happyhappy sunshine and rainbow poop.

so whats up with the facewalling? ive been friendzoned a lot lately. ok, two in a handful of months (ie 6) isnt a lot but considering i spend a lot of my time not talking to people, its a lot for me. and im not going to worry about it. or at least im going to tell myself that until i believe it.

wheres the problem with being friendzoned? well, its not so much as a problem but irritating. because i like mindless gibberjabber. i like talking and passing time with people, just.. one at a time. i like the idea of having someone that makes me ok. (See: I believe that relationships validate who you are because youre ok enough to be liked that way).

but im not validated. i have friends, a few great friends, i just dont get to see them because they have often parallel lives. and thats fine. i have a lot on my plate, its just i do it all at once rather than space things out in a smart way.

thats why i probably failed this semester. ive been sad. ive been feeling really alone. but most importantly ive been too gorram lazy and playing too many videogames to do the right amount of work to do well in my units.

and thus, i am attempting to attempt positivity. again.

the first proper day

So ive been going to USP and back a few times, trying to sort out all my whatnots and stuff. I have to change one of my majors and the student services have been sitting on that for a while. In a word how has it been at USP so far? Frustrating. Im not really glad, but i guess its good to know that this happens to other students too. Today was orientation for the part of the school i knew i was definitely in. There are these evil things called UU classes which are for basic skill brush up classes. One is computer literacy and the other is english for academic purposes. having pretty good english, its the only language that i can speak with confidence (i know some french, but i dont like using it, and when it comes to hindi - even fiji hindi- and fijian im lost as any other useless person) and I spend a lot of time on computers so I guess the computer literacy one wont be too much either.

so today i went to orientation, so that was very much to do. There were few speeches to sit through - i drew in my friends book for her- and we walked out at some point to look for our mutual friend who was a "mother" dispenser. Im not too much a fan of mother, mostly because it go uber hyper and start rattling off really, really fast. We walked around, we got free stuff, looked at a line for student services and then turned around, we met up with another friend, went for lunch, went to get a switch for my place (i can use internet almost all the time now, score!), and we went to the bank for one of my friends, had a sit down at mcdonalds.... many things happened today. then i tried to rest but went to town again with my mam - she made me get my eyebrows done, so i paid someone to hurt my forehead, then we got some food, saw my extended family peoples and now we're home.

Its been a long day, I miss doing femLINK stuff already and Im not looking forward to going to usp first thing tomorrow. but i will sort out, i will sort out, i will, i will, i will sort out - all this stuff tomorrow (like its a song or something. thats how it should be in your head).. Cheery bye :)

Oh hai!

Look at me, being lame and totally lacking in the updating area. Im happy now. Ive got the shower-water a-heating, and in the meanwhile Ive got cup noodles to keep me company. My boyfriend is very nice :) Oh yeah... well, if you're a follower I guess I should just come out and be obvious: Im with Wholemeal. Hes very much silly, but it's ok.

So, school has been hectically hectic. I feel bad and I really need to call work ... I havent been able to go because of uber lack of energy from dragging my school stuff around. It's not good. So yea... Now I have to think of something else to say... but first Ill distract you with a picture!

Its go time! That is to say, Im now going to leave the computer to ignore homework... Arent I wonderful? Maybe Ill buzz Salmon or... idk.. I vote noodles and some tellyvision. :D

I got a book.

Well today I spent nearly all my life savings ($5 out of $10.. not really life savings, but is all I have..) on buying a nice new pen and a sketchbook. Now I dont have to steal my brothers paper until i run out of pages in the book... which might not take long because of my crazy busy hands and uber aimlessness on most days... so yea, i have cramps from my hips to my feet. Sorry internets, I dont care if you know. I just feel like bitching about it. And yes, I made a lil comic book.. its too cute to even talk about. That is to say, if i explained it i might make myself sick. Work impending... both work-work and school-work... man, having a life is difficult. I would like to thank Chocolate Milk for the awesome day today! mucking around is fun ^_^

Hi thar!

So im very tired. Im not a little tired, a lot. Its a good tired though. I went to work, dragged self out of house to slave over stupid transcribing. I had the words "two thuds" written on my arm. I was transcribing this interview where this guy was talking about how "two thuds" or sixty six percent of children with impairments in the UK are part of the mainstream curriculum. I dont think mainstream was the word, but its not like im going to call it the "normal" curriculum.

After work went to milkshake's house and sat around as he and wholemeal made some music. felt inadequate because i dont sing (properly or good) and i cannot play an instrument. I tried to learn how to play teh guitar at some point but im very much not good at it. I have tiny hands. then we kinda just sat around outside and look at milkshake's cats. they are very strange. then went home, knocked out, cooked and the usual.

G'day!

Well... hi there. Next to nothing happened today (SHARKY I WASNT TALKING ABOUT YOUR BLOG YESTERDAAY!!) apart from work in the arvo. Oh, and now I can say what I wanted. Im no longer "solo". The sad thing is the time frame... Hes leaving the country in a while. I told my mam today and she basically said "Hey, its ok... seeing as he'll leave, seeing as I dont want you mooning when you have exams". The thing is... Im kind of hurt by the fact that she can only see the whole thing as a distraction for me. Im not silly, and I do acknowledge the fact that it could be, but Im very sure in what I have to do. I know that I have exams to prepare for, and that I have work to take care of, and that I have school and all of the above... I just wish that.. I dont know. Im 18 now, Im sure she'd be happier if I picked up smoking or something... Then we'd have something in common or something. I dont know... I just wished that she'd trust me for once.

So. I havent really got much to talk about. I dont want to talk about the relationship Im in, because so far there really isnt much. Im really happy... But.. honestly I dont give a damn about the internets reaction to anything that has happened in it. Im taking this as a good sign. Ive always been worried about "what other people know" in everything else. I didnt want people to know things about me, or anything. I was able to keep secrets and its... unhealthy. I mean, sure there are always things that are private and whatnot... but... you know..those kind of secrets are never good to keep. Because theyre going to show up and bite you in the backside. I spose. So yes. Nothing happened today apart from me going to work for a while and me telling my mam. X is up! :D

I have nothing much to say

Except hi! I took a pill, now my headache is gone for a bit.. Im feeling a little stressed, about tomorrow mostly. I have this stupid english oral commentary and i wanted to prepare for it away from home, but wasnt allowed to. Ah well. I have green tea and socks. :D

Mister Sandman.. bring me a dream...

So, Just so everyone knows, I still have that evil headache. Thats three days in a row now. Maybe is because Im s**t-scared of getting my semester report. I know Im not getting any A's. As a result of this headache, Ive avoided bright colours today. Also, my paint brushes have gone walkabout. My grandmother is staying over and she decided to put them somewhere. She too has gone walkabout so I have no idea where my brushes are. I apologise for not updating last night, but I was unconscious. I fell asleep at school, so missed the 4pm bus (however, this was also due to a major case of CBF a cause de the tiredness). This resulted in me watching the music part of the major CAS project and feeling very lazy indeed. I was perked up by some chili chicken chow mein, at around 6, and I apologise to my family for being late and not calling. My brain had been off. I also fell asleep in the taxi and gladly was accompanied so I didnt sleep past my stop. I also had to check some movie plans.. but my call was missed. So was woken up later by a call back and I think I might be better on the phone when Im half awake. To be honest, Im horrible on the phone. Im not used to calls, and I think theyre a horrible way to communicate. You cant see the callers/talkers face. Is so impersonal...

So R is about how much I hate the idea that the world is either black or white (im not being colourist , nor racist, Im just saying...). Im crazy, but i love to just curl up and read sometimes. The S is me trying to put forth an idea, but failing because of the throbbing in my head. Sorry bout that.. Anyway, I highly recommend Pomplamoose. I love the song Mr Sandman... I guess its mostly because Im in love with the Endless, Dream in particular, but its a good song in general. Very chill. I also like the singers voice. Is very noice. Hehe... And on the topic of the lols, I think everyone should see this. Its that guy! And hes punching people! And there are zombies! Is very silly and good for the lols. And thanks to my mother of a headache, I give you fact 3! I think it might be obvious, if you follow me (like my awesome reader Skippy :D ) or have been for a while, or if you actually know me (like Milkshake and Salmon and the lot...to whom Im sure have tallied up the most views of my blog..). I learnt about the migraines when I was around 8. The family doctor was very sympathetic, and I had to depend on my favourite pill, Nurofen. I live in the constant fear that Nurofen turns out to be a placebo.
Id be so sad. Sure, there are many things that trigger a migraine, for me is mostly my freak outs on the inside as well as dehydration or just that whole uber heat thing. My hair is no help for the latter, being the huge heavy lump of a thing it is. Im going to stop feeling ill and just go and find something like painkillers. Ive lain around enough today. No more uber sleeps. Im sure Ill be back to the regular posting :)

I was sick today.

I stayed home. I was bored all day. Sure, illness got to me and i spent most of my day lying down feeling nauseous, wishing that migraines never existed. I really have nothing to report, because of my aimless day. Well, apart from i made pancakes and am about to make some stir fry beef. Well.. when i get around to it. I also wrote a poem! Yes, thats my gallery of some stuff that i like to draw and whatnot. Its been around for a while... and isnt exactly popular. Ah well, i figure is a place to bung all my stuff together. So yea... Perhaps I will have more to say tomorrow.

Im well on my way!

So I have a new letter for you all! This has never happened, though. And i have a classic case of CBF so cant really draw something worthwhile. I was uber lazy today too. Ive eaten a pop-me cup noodle thing, and have had a frozen coke. I also watched a bit of the Losers, on a silly little dvd. Was okay, but... Not my thing. Also, cant have been that good, because I fell asleep. And, despite my long day I dont think i wouldve fallen asleep if it were a good movie.

Look at the adorable ninja turtle!! I love it, so cuuute! kawaii desu ne! Hehe.. thats the only japanese i know. Oh and look! Ive started another daily. I call it the fact files. I have this one: I may be a girl, but im not a fan of flowers. Sure, theyre nice and all, but i love cacti. Theyre so much prettier, and you dont have to look after cacti really, except to water them every second or third day. Nothing much to report... cept... no, I dont think I will. I guess i need to sort out what it is before I can say what it is. So.. :)

I have to post 3 letters at a time now.

Im eighteen now :) I didnt get to post something yesterday because i slept all afternoon and night, apart from the occasional interruption of calls from Milkshake and a few strange texts from his friend Wholemeal. The texts were got at around midnight, and then at 3... was strange. Most of the morning, Ive had my phone buzzing with birthday texts and a few calls, and so on. So am just sitting at home waiting for a cake. So Ive been working on my EE, including the writing of 3000 words in one night, and dying the next day, and I am now sure that I will be able to survive university. And speaking of, I now plan to get my drivers licenses, and next year Im going to save up (after finding myself a nice little part time job in some kind of retail whassis) towards a car. Yes, im going to toil away, which means continuing to live with my mother until i get said car, or something... But im serious about this car thing. Im planning on staying in Fiji for the next 3 years, so I like this idea of long term goals. :)

Tonight, i get to mourn the death o my childhood and welcome adulthood. Im very excited. I cant wait until tongiht, when i put on my little black dress and consider wearing my high heels and giggle as i do little twirl type things. Im sure ill get a few presents, and im excited about that, but mostly i cant wait to be able to sit down, with my friends, and talk about random things, giggle over sangria, and just.. be. i do realise that it all sounds a tad bit lame, but thats that. Also, the reason why im posting 3 at a time is because: a) i missed yesterday, b) im putting up todays, c) tomorrow i might be dead to the world, or more likely vice versa, d) i had them so im posting. so yes. happy birthday to meee! :D

Im quite tired, but then again what else is new?

I have something big to do. I am going to have to rush through it, and the only one i have to blame is myself. Im exhausted. I didnt sleep much last night... because of certain people who i am acquainted with, and i dont blame the person. I had to deal with school after that, then a little bit of work-related things, then a mini crisis of a friend (i hope youre okay now, dude, if youre reading this..). on top of all this, im going to die because school is lame.

Im very much looking forward to my birthday, and im sure it wont crash and burn (as earlier predicted by my paranoid self). I dont think that i care any more about my mam being there. i love her, and im glad shes part of my birthday. Im also glad she knows s\who she knows, because she might let some of my friends (and i) go out to look at the clubs. im not a club person, seeing as i inherited the inability to dance from my father. hehe, the benefits of being half caste are plenty. Lacking the ability to dance : not a benefit.

I cant be bothered to open my google reader to find the pretty pictures of the day, because im a lazy git. also, the opening of it would rape my brothers computer and the internet speed would go from a chicken crossing the road to the speed as which a rock moves. and when i say rock, i mean the big ones. that are stuck in the ground. they cannot be moved. ever. im sure you all get the idea (whoever you all are). So as a final offering, i give an image im fond of, because it is funny. i may have posted it before, but who cares? :D

K, stoves and a mouse

Good day. I am fine :) I bought contacts today so i can walk around without my retarded glasses on. Yes, they are retarded. I blame the silly tape on them and whatnot. Is very silly looking. Ok, so how was my day? Was okay.

So I had school today. I went to class, mucked about, ate some food, felt tired, and rolled around for a bit. Then i went to town, bought contacts, had a mocha, had some coke, rolled around the back of a cab and got home. Then i showered and dressed and now im here. in front of the pc. what a gripping life i do lead.

How cute is that mouse?? I want one. Just so i can look at it and squee :) I really dont have anything to report. So maybe ill muse a bit... NAH. hehe... I was wandering around town with Salmon and Jamesa and we walked all around Tappoo City (it is much lamer than MHCC, there is no food there) and looked at stuff. I realised that i love looking at stoves more than i do looking for clothes. I swear, if i could, id buy things for my kitchen rather than get new clothes. Im strange, and AWESOME. ok, i think im going to go eat soon. kthnxbai :D

So hi. I have a really bad headache. Its from the stupid ASTs I had today. well.. theyre standardizing tests and they suck. I dont like their silly questions that make my head hurt. Here, have J.

So apart from the epic headache and the visit to that school over there, the ASTs and the sore nose, Im okay. Im awesome in fact. And doan ch'all know it? Hehe... my head hurts :(

So.. I havent got much to say really. Im tired, hungry and have a frickload of things on my mind. and by frickloads i mean school, money and sleep problems. damn i miss sleep. /sigh.

Im so darn awesome.

First of all, here is G! Yay G! And thank you to the anonymous poster. It means a lot that theres some gang out there that like my blog. It makes my awesome day awesomer :)

Today, my mam got back from DC. She gave me my first (proper) designer dress. It's my first (proper) little black dress. Im over the moon. Not only that, I was late to work today (I called ahead of time, Im not silly) because I was coffee-ing with my Mam when she says something like "we go and yet your nose pierced now?". So we did :) And I am now with a nose piercing. Im so darn awesome.

So I was stuck at work, by myself, for four hours, and got to drawing, and thats where these three comics came from. I had had coffee (intentional repetition? oh noes!) so I was feeling a little energetic. So yes. I hope the comics make sense :)

Finally, The A Team movie was very awesome. I like Murdoch. Hes crazy awesome. And when one says crazy, one means it. So yea, Im going to facebook a little then sleep like nobody's business. Good night, Internet :)

No, you arent at the wrong blog, i changed it all to purple

So if you havent noticed, the blog underwent a makeover. blogger was all like: "hey we have new templates!". so i changed it all to a less emo blog, made it a lil bit happier, with just a touch of awesome collage-ing with the new banner. Note the actual, real me in the bottom right hand corner of the new banner :)

So i managed to do both E and F today, because Ive been at home. The other two images are pretty, and inspirational, top and bottom respectively (well, geisha and NPH respectively :D )

Im feeling a little woozy

So i didnt go to school today. I felt very... ill. that is to say that nausea caught up with me. I did manage t do todays drawing. Yay for elephants! (like megh). Who is Megh? Meghdutt is the elephant i made up in the books i made for art. Technically, saying his name spoils all four of the books (hehe im so proud of myself). the story is that he goes in search of a name, and gets given one at the end. hes a very silly little elephant, but you have to admire his dedication. he ends up in an alternate dimension and gets freaked out by a creepy evil elephant, gets picked on by Durga, helps out a lady because her washing line had fallen down and gets to meet god.

I was flipping through Vanity Fair (march 2010) and found some article about the 100 women who were responsible for the colouring of practically everything in Snow White (the Disney one). I then found of that they had this interesting book. I vote that everyone sees it. Its a cute little 20 page type thing, with pretty little retro (well, it was around wartime so wasnt retro then) drawings. is very noice :)

Damn you Blizz. You've made the best part of WoW into a mug. Yes, i love murlocs. Theyre adorable and cute and awesome and although im sure many have died at my own "hands", i cant get over the baby ones. theyre too cute. See the pic on right for the adorableness.

So have a sign for the lulz. Lastly, i have little to say. I give you my worse nightmare, and yes, it is tetris related. So have a good day, readers. I hope y'all have a good weekend :)

I was woken up by my own mind.

If that makes any sense whatsoever. You see, my last exams are tomorrow and i need to prepare for them. i was uber tired when i got home so i changed and slept, and was sleeping oh so well just around half an hour ago, but my mind would not let me rest so i forced myself up, poured a glass of mountain dew and made cup noodles. i need to make revision-type notes before i sleep, for IT at least.

I was surprisingly happy about how i did in my exams today, im not saying i did awesome, i was just pleased with the result. not that i have the results, im just saying i feel good about how i did. this morning, there was a huge rainbow, and my awesome friend, whom we like to call Barney (well, she gave the name to herself at the beginning of last year..) looked up and with a smile said "we're going to be fine, because of the rainbow". I spose Milkshake has a reason to like her :)

So there is little more to say. Im exhausted, im tired, i feel like that polar bear in the demotivational poster. Sadly, its not just monday, its every day of the week.. im going to listen to OkGo now. they maken the happeh sounds :)