A flock of pigeons.

pigeons INDEED.

you want some context? let me oblige you.

Ive had a major development in the IT area after I left high school. I got my nerdy-outlet cutoff and i needed more kinda of rules as an "arts" major. I adopted lifehacker as a go-to and wondered how hard it would be to learn code and try to make a minecraft mod. but life gets in the way and im drawn away from rules of all of that and put in an exam room where i have to write an open ended essay and provide "personal response".

I dont like being personal all too often. Sure, I have a blog where i rant and rave and whatnot but i dont delve, per se. sometimes i dont want to substantiate a personal opinion, although i will if required.

when it comes to relating to people, i worry about being too honest because i dont want to lie, but i dont know whats appropriate. a newer friend of mine told me i was an attention seeker. this was after i made a conversation out of a comment of a classmate. apparently thats not what people do. nor was i supposed to say thank you to the bag guy twice not to mention i was "too loud".

rules i lived under apparently dont apply to the real world.

i like talking to people i can talk to. and finding those people is... in a word? difficult. i am loud. it might be because i spend a lot of time at home and get excited when i do talk. or my earbud wearing (the music headphoney things) has finally started to make me deaf. and i admit that i worry that what i say wont be heard, and no point saying something to someone that they cant hear.

i have been raised with my Ps and Qs well in check. You say thankyou. You tell the cabdriver to have a good day. And i do attempt eye contact where appropriate.

So. Wheres the connection to the pigeons? Have some personal response.

I dont understand people too often. When i was younger and spent a lot of time at the busstand in the afternoons, waiting for and in the namadi heights bus. that was the time the pigeons would flock as would the people. i would switch between the two to watch them. i understood neither how the groups of people formed nor why the pigeons made the shapes they did. they just did.

im getting to the point where i guess i have people i kind of get, some more than others. we dont always have the same rules of living, so i guess people will never to organised enough to do that bird synchronised thingy. wait, dancers sortve do that... and flashmobs... and people who do action choruses...

anyway i broke my analogy about human diversity. overall message? lets be ourselves... and can someone explain people to me someday? also- i applaud people who can dance. i cant. personal responses end here.

stay frosty :)

Blergg

So i havent doing a lot... hahah just kidding, ive been kinda super busy so sorry for the lack of updating  :)

have some of my recently shareable stuff. the top is something i did when sleepy and a little happy off markers.. i tend to put my face really close to the paper i draw on which results in my tiny tiny drawings

teh second is a stencil i did to show my baby cousin how stencils work. i used a make up ad, and drew on parts with her

and teh third was also for her, the powerpuff girls. she was all like "theyre like from powerpuff girls z!" and i was sorta like "yeeees. ive never seen it but yeeeees"

shes so damn adorable.

anyway, ciao and maybe more will be seen

MAAAAYBEEEE

Mr Sandman... why did you make me scared?

So.. after sleeping half my day away, I got a horrible shock. I was fuzzy headed and was very much happy to realise that all the horror was just in my head. I had this odd dream where the sea and the sky had been swapped. It was raining the wrong way... And everything was made worse by what I had seen (i usually dream in first person...). I had walked out of a doctors office and into what looked like some little Italian town, with the cobbled roads and muscle-y tanned men standing next to their vespas (Im in love with vespas). I had just recieved news that I couldnt have children. I was walking the streets trying to figure out what that meant for me. Im sure Ive said it, but Im terrified of pregnacy and that whole child rearing thing. Imagine that one day there'd be this little baby swimming around inside you that was going to grow up one day and be its own person. Its a terrifying responsibily.

THIS IS A VESPA

Hate kids?

kids in reference to little children. i don't like them. i find most of them insane, irritating, loud and so so innocent. i miss being that age. i miss the whole "everything will be fine and i'm going to go to my parents and get a hug". sure, it might have just been my dad who i sought hugs from because i spent a lot of time with him as i grew up, but it's just something i really really miss.

i tried to read page 103 of the first autobio that we as an english class are going to study. i tried and tired. i begins along the lines of "when i was 11, my mother died". i tried not to let it get to me. it hit me and it hurt. i trieed to vent with painting and drawing, but it still hurt. yeah, i miss my dad.