Puff puff cough

I have a bad habit and its name is smoking.

I haven't always been a smoker but it is my firm belief that I am not that bad when it comes to smoking.

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To be fair I only ever smoke when I'm relaxing. This was on the recommendation of my uncle, the Padre James.

Unfortunately with the massive influx of a heap of stress, I've taken to attempt to relax a lot. I have found that my smoking increases as stress does because the need or, to be true, the wish for relaxation increases.

I stress about a lot of things. I tend to worry. This does mean that I stress easily. I stress about work, about university assignments, classes and life in general.

Although after two blood pressure checks, Sunday and today (the latter being for a project I'm part of - info to follow later, I guess?) I don't actually have a medical problem because of it, so that's good. To be fair, I'm not the healthiest feeling person and I know there's a billion ways that I can improve but I guess the important thing is to GET CHECKED.

All that aside, I'm a lazy human being. I'm not uber healthy because of this. Now, my smoking of course tends to make me lazier. So, I suppose upon this realisation and knowing that I need to make a change at some point means I want to start now.

That said, I do plan on keeping my smoking where my drinking is: a social activity bystander. I will not smoke unless I feel like it anyway, but I guess I'll save it for a time that I know I'll enjoy it.

So with that, I guess I wanna throw some advice to the wind. I read somewhere that things like alcohol and cigarettes should never be something you think you need to have or consume, but rather should be something you enjoy. Your health is your business and so you need to figure out how you work and try to keep everything is check.

They say health is wealth and I've been pretty poor of pocket so I might as well try to pull myself up by my ears knowing only I can change myself.

Im feeling a little woozy

So i didnt go to school today. I felt very... ill. that is to say that nausea caught up with me. I did manage t do todays drawing. Yay for elephants! (like megh). Who is Megh? Meghdutt is the elephant i made up in the books i made for art. Technically, saying his name spoils all four of the books (hehe im so proud of myself). the story is that he goes in search of a name, and gets given one at the end. hes a very silly little elephant, but you have to admire his dedication. he ends up in an alternate dimension and gets freaked out by a creepy evil elephant, gets picked on by Durga, helps out a lady because her washing line had fallen down and gets to meet god.

I was flipping through Vanity Fair (march 2010) and found some article about the 100 women who were responsible for the colouring of practically everything in Snow White (the Disney one). I then found of that they had this interesting book. I vote that everyone sees it. Its a cute little 20 page type thing, with pretty little retro (well, it was around wartime so wasnt retro then) drawings. is very noice :)

Damn you Blizz. You've made the best part of WoW into a mug. Yes, i love murlocs. Theyre adorable and cute and awesome and although im sure many have died at my own "hands", i cant get over the baby ones. theyre too cute. See the pic on right for the adorableness.

So have a sign for the lulz. Lastly, i have little to say. I give you my worse nightmare, and yes, it is tetris related. So have a good day, readers. I hope y'all have a good weekend :)

I dont know what to write about.

I mean.. nothing has happened lately, apart from the unfortunate English assignment where I have to write a Austen-esque type letter
Spent the day at home because was feeling very weak and couldn't get out of bed. Those stupid boils hurt so much... Watched some Justice League, and then just laid around and slept. I might try to get some work done eventually but I think a cuppa tea is called for first. mmm cuppa :)
So Salmon and Jamesa showed up at my door around half past four. Was kinda strange. Mainly because I was lying around, looked out of my brothers window, and there they were. Being creepy. They came in for a while, watched some tv, called a random, then left around 5. Aimless children. They filled me in about the day at school, and how it was "quiet without me". Thanks for saying that I'm loud guys. :P
So apart from the usual, there really isn't much to say. I'm going to listen to the Beatles and chill out over a cuppa. Now for awesome yellow submarine type awesomeness, as seen below. :)

am ill. but... yeah.

My brother had a friend who called it "surfing the crimson wave". i'm sure y'all will catch the gist. i hate it. for some reason, i get uber tired, nauseous, dizziness and bad cramps. is horrible. so... is the valentines social tomorrow. i have to stay at school until 10pm. from 7.40am. isnt it going to be wonderful? yes. im sure it will be. i have an awesome hat to get me through the day. is my gangsta hat. it isnt... well... more "gangster" really. like... the 40's, mafia type thing. was the mafia in the 40s? maybe more in the 60s. who knows?
well... ive had a lame week. i think it's because my week started with extra responsibilities. i was told that i was going to be responsible for a panel discussion about international womens day and beijing +15. and uhm... im the youngest at work. oh well. go me?
so... i think im going insane slowly. i dont blame people, or any one person, but i think i blame society. society tells us that there have to be arseholes now and again. i guess so at least. i might be masochistic... but not the usual masochist, i just feel that if things are normal and happy and right, i have to go picking holes in what is perfect. just so theres drama, or so that things feel... normal. for me anyway. yes. im horrible. i know.
so, being ill, i need sleep. and seeing as its after 10, and i have to up at about 5.30 or so. so... uhm, bed? yes.

100th!

it's my hundredth post. i'm currently on a regina spektor high. i like her music, because it's all over the place and i really like her voice. is very nice, with the highs. and stuff. so... to admit i've been very emotional lately. i've been riding the sad train, i had my fun on the emotional rollercoaster, i took a spin in the Jaguar that is my emotions. i realised that my ex was the one who gave me regina spektor. i also was sad because i have that wish to hang out with people who probably can't stand me. i've also really been missing my dad. christmas and new year are never the same. life has never really felt right. i have regrets, yes, and i wish that i didn't. then again, it isn't as if i've really said anything out loud, or at least had anyone tell me that it's okay to feel. i got asked after my dad on thursday, by a woman artist who was the first ms hibiscus. i had to tell her that he had passed away. she looked a bit shocked. i was able to say a few words about it without even having to stop to suppress sobs. of course i got home feeling sick, as i haven't been well lately, and that was it. i didn't hide in my room, i didn't write a long, sad poem. i didn't draw something that had no meaning, no sense. i just threw it aside. i ignored it. it can't be healthy can it? i don't really have anyone to consult about this. i can't talk to my mam. i love her too much to pile this stupid stuff on her since she has so much work otherwise. i can't talk to my brother can i? he never talks about dad. i don't really have anyone that i could call to talk about it. i can't talk to my best friend. she'd be too deep about the situation and i don't feel like that's what i want right now. i don't want to be deep. i want to forget just a bit longer, or at least i just want to be told that everything is alright. or at least that nothing can possibly be any worse than it was. i want to just figure this out this year. i want to figure out what i want. yes. all i know i want is that i want to figure out who. who i am, who i want to be and who i need to be in between all that. who? maybe myself. i think that would be nice for a change. but wait! who am i again? i was once told that the best thing about me was my positivity. i think that person had no idea who they were talking to. rather, i don't think that, i know that. so... that whole thing was a bit painful. the funny thing is that this blog is a lot more secret than diaries i've written. diaries are always found though. found, used and burned. but you can't burn the internet. you can never find something you want. you can't use something you think you've found. it's a nice change.

Max

we got my puppy today. yes, it seems that i'm too old for some reason to have a puppy. but he's adorable and i wuv him.

his name is max and he's got a funny colour but is adorable with his big eyes. he is not photogenic :P

had a crappy day though. i had a migraine and hadnt had any coffee and was struggling to get a couple things done and my dreams are still being haunted.

but max makes me happeh :D

him and the beatles.

they make me happy too.

"here comes the sun~"

:D

Boats and School Balls

so had a long week, of course. school is a b**h, and i can't stand how much pressure is put on teenagers especially around the ball. i had a great time, but supposed that i made a stupid choice. but i suppose i'll put that behind me. "i'm on shrooms!!!!" :D

i'm also trying to get used to my new shoes that i bought for the ball.

one day i'll blog about it because they're beautiful. they're my first girly shoes ever. and i'm so tired of things and am getting used to deep conversations with friends.

short posts. Duh. :D

Half life

im disappointed today. mainly because i went everywhere and no one, as in absolutely anyone, has black eyeliner or concealer. ergo, today i am angry. that and i got hit in the head with a french book because my head was in the path of throwingness or some gay make up expression like that.

now my brother's all, "i'm dying", or some such gay shit. i am really angry in retrospect. because it's all very frustrating. school is damn stupid and i see absolutely no point in giving a damn about half life or analysing a book or long divison of polynomials. i see absolutely no point and it just makes me want to lie down and die for a while, so i dont have to get up and walk in the cold to get a bus that i have to wait for by myself.

coldyplay is definately not helping. yay for beer as it clearly is going to be the highlight of my day when i eventually do my physics experiment. BLAH.

nausea

so this is being typed from the couch at home, off my notebook. im feeling really sick and tired. had two cups of nissin noodles and had about a giant bottle of water making me feel a bit more tired. above is a white wine i had with diner at cardo's at port denarau a couple of weeks ago. it went well with the awesome steak i got. that is all i have, and apparently it no longer matters that i get nausea and get sick at school because according to my douche brother (before the enema... >_> ) "it happens too often". Bleh.