Why there should be way more research around lady things.

Theres something terrifying about knowing that things will change.

The other week, i got told that too much progesterone is throwing off my general "me-ness" and whatnot. i went in for nausea and came out knowing that I had to change so much to deal with what was making me miss so much.

nausea sucks dick for money. i hate it. i had accepted it, gone "oh yeah, thats just how my body reacts to everything". turns out theres something to do with salt and other stuff so the first thing to be cut back is my consumption of the amazing dirty chinese food.

to my knowledge, im the only one that uses the term with the prefix dirty. overseas, chinese food is weird. its clean. theres so little msg, so much random other crap. its not the chinese that im used to. not fiji chinese food.

so. thats gone and cut back to whenever. and because of cutting back my brain frizzes out. all of last week i was angry. angry at everything. i guess the hormones are like "hmm... shes changing her game... mess with her mind! bwahaha". and when i wasnt angry i was flipping between sad and amazingly high on life.

it was terrible.

yeah, sure, possible manic depression there with my brain all over the place. and what do i do? i call people. talk about everything else. distract myself from the fact that im getting upset or angry or sad about something that i know doesnt make sense but bothers me all the same.

its tiring.
i dont want to have to go through with this anymore.

so, what do i do? look it up. exercise apparently. eating better. the latter is never a problem, food is totes my thing. but the exercise... negh.

its still adjusting, im still adjusting. its barely been two weeks of trying to eat right, make sure i doan sit all day, etc etc. i just hope this is worth it.

stupid science.

attempting positivity

it's the end of the semester.

it's gone and now i just wait and see if i have failed a unit or two because i dont feel good about this one and all. in other news, im going through some stuff that includes a lot of facewalling.

i am also sick. i miss my ma and i want someone to look after me. i dont want to grow up and be 20 and learn about income tax and figuring out passport things and learn about budgeting to flat or worry about what grown up relationships are supposed to be about.

these are supposed to be my prime years but my friends are all out of town and im honestly a lot more comfy at home. so why the whining?

we all have that little "snarky" voice. i know because lifehacker sent me an email about it. and all of last year ive forced and double forced the positive extrovert to exhaustion. in short, i tried but failed at being happyhappy sunshine and rainbow poop.

so whats up with the facewalling? ive been friendzoned a lot lately. ok, two in a handful of months (ie 6) isnt a lot but considering i spend a lot of my time not talking to people, its a lot for me. and im not going to worry about it. or at least im going to tell myself that until i believe it.

wheres the problem with being friendzoned? well, its not so much as a problem but irritating. because i like mindless gibberjabber. i like talking and passing time with people, just.. one at a time. i like the idea of having someone that makes me ok. (See: I believe that relationships validate who you are because youre ok enough to be liked that way).

but im not validated. i have friends, a few great friends, i just dont get to see them because they have often parallel lives. and thats fine. i have a lot on my plate, its just i do it all at once rather than space things out in a smart way.

thats why i probably failed this semester. ive been sad. ive been feeling really alone. but most importantly ive been too gorram lazy and playing too many videogames to do the right amount of work to do well in my units.

and thus, i am attempting to attempt positivity. again.

the other day i was trying to be positive

Then again, it was a significant amount of time ago... but anyway... I made a list of things that I like. So I guess day by day, I will list them, describe and try my hardest to have an accompanying picture-type-thing.

Number One: Food.

In my google reader (these things are awesome - sadly, they are terribly addictive, i spend all my time looking at pictures of cats, dogs, food and comics instead of things like Facebook updates.. improvement? I think so) I've subscribed to some feeds about food, such as The Kitchn, Just Bento, and a few others.

When I lived with my dad, he did all the cooking. I barely knew how to make toast, let alone cook. But after moving in with my ma, i discovered cooking and the awesomeness of it all. I love the prep, the smells, being the first one to stick my (clean) finger in something to see if it's ok and all of the above. It's therapeutic for me, and is always a nice way to end my day... although Uni has ruined this recently. I get home sometimes around 6 and Litia (the awesome older lady who has been coming to do things like cleaning and whatnot) is often the one to make up for my tardiness on some days.

When it comes to what I like to eat, there's an.. odd, i suppose, variety of things. There's dhal, a lentil soup I've loved for ages and ages, and sashimi, sushi, salads, steaks, stir fry things, noodles.. a whole bunch of things. And, of course, theres chocolate. Sadly, I have developed some sort of super-speed eating habit, and this is mostly associated with things like chocolate. Good things never last.. /sigh :P

Alrighty then, that'e enough from me for today, stay tuned for the update tomorrow (hopefully) - "GAMES"

<---This is good for you.. because it is food.

The curious case of the bread and butter

Now, I dont know if Ive ever mentioned this in my blog, but my relationship with wholemeal started because he brought me food. Not just any food - awesomely awesome cream buns from the hot bread kitchen. And for all you dirty minds out there, they were LITERAL cream buns.

With the delivery of these buns (during my period 6 english class) came a long loaf (plain, uncut white bread) and a wholemeal slice (sliced brown bread). Upon receiving the bag of baked goods, i was asked to sign a receipt, which was handed back to me. It was all a little suss because i didnt pay for anything.

This is the end of the story - but i leave you with the bestest best slogan that hot bread should adopt : "if you like your loaves long, or cream in your buns, hot bread kitchen is number one" (copyright white slice and wholmeal)

Holidays nearly over :(

Silly holidays, all wanting to be over to spoil my laziness. been eating waaay too much. i cant help it: food is good, and i have a lot of relatively free time. I also found out just how much i depend on the internet... i need it to pass the time (honestly i dont, it just makes time passing easier) and i dont like not being able to easily communicate with certain people (like wholemeal...). sure sure, call me lame or whipped or hopeless but i dont care. it's nice having someone and whats the point of life if you dont have that person to share it with. i mean, sure there will always be families and friends (however these seem to be dwindling for me at the moment...) but its not the same (im too lazy to punctuate tyvm). So dinner soon and hopefully i wont die or explode. ah well, a little extra tummy is good for an emergency pillow imo. is handy and whatnot. or something. idk. just trying to feel better. :)

The Gravy Boat

So, yesterday, I found out that I do not have a gravy boat. Well, not me, per se, but we as in my family. There is not a single gravy boat in my house. As I put hot water in my Maggi noodles, wishing I had Nissin instead, I realised that I would never be able to bring people over for dinner. Not dates or anything, as I’m terrified of people, but friends. My gay friend, Aussie, is supposed to come over after he gets back from his holidays all over the place. I was planning on making a nice big dinner or something, well… big for two, so we could gossip, talk about out holidays and giggle about boys. Now how am I supposed to have him over without a gravy boat? Is going to be a disaster. Or I could just cook lamb, beef or pork, which do not require gravy. But then the issue of getting either mint sauce, apple sauce or whatever goes with beef, is what I’m to face next. Aussie took Home Economics so he might be picky about accompanying sauces.
So I’m sitting in front of Sex In The City, with my noodles, wanting Nissin, and talking about my MSG addiction. I am addicted to it. I add soy sauce to my noodles, when sad I get chow mien from Joji’s, one of the best Chinese places in Suva, and when asked what I want to a quick takeout dinner, Chinese food always comes to mind. I always think about buying some myself when walking around the supermarket looking for soy sauce. I turn my head and think, “how exactly do I use this stuff?” I’ve never used MSG before, and I don’t think I want to use it without being very sure.
As you, reader, may have noticed, I like cooking. I make dinner a lot, I like to. It’s fun and relaxing. When I lived with my dad, I hardly cooked anything because it’s what dad did. One of the things I knew how to cook was custard. One holiday period, I had custard nearly everyday for breakfast. I knew custard, and how to make Maggi noodles slightly stir fried with tomato sauce. Crispy noodles covered in sauce. It was really tasty if I do say so myself. When I moved in with my mother, she taught me the basics; meat takes longer than vegetables, sauces are important, what tastes go with what meats, etc. So I learnt and now I’m here, at the point where cooking is something I like doing. I even made new year’s breakfast for some friends who stayed over the night. It was only French toast, but I felt happy after it. So there.
That’s it for now. I'm just posting a picture of magical green juice that is very nice. That is all. Now. That's it.

On zombies and the internet

So, i watched zombie land today. I was meant to watch it with an old friend of mine, but she couldnt make it for mysterious reasons, i.e. reasons that were not disclosed to me. I resorted to watching it with my brother since there was no one i knew, that would want to watch a zombie movie with me. Therefore i went the whole 50-50 thing with him and then hung out until my mam called so someone could watch the house while she went for her walk.
It's an awesome movie. I liked it. There was a bit that was too gruesome for me, like the whole spilling blood out of mouths thing and drooling clowns. There was alot of action, with the guns and blunt objects and skull crushing. Ergo, it was a "fuck yeah!" movie. and thats just what i like.
overall good day. The whole movie thing really set it up and made me happy. The sleeping in until about 9 or so was a good start to the day. That and i got to make breakfast which was a nice way to start the day. I wish i could do that more often. I like gettin gup when i want to and making a nice, proper breakfast of eggs and bacon with coffee. although techincally it was ham this morning but i fried it a bit because i wanted bacon. Too bad we didnt have any tomatoes. I like tomatoes. Fried tomatoes make any good, wholesome breakfast complete. Maybe i should do that tomorrow morning. Get up and actually make and have brekkie. Tomorrows update will have details on my attempt and news of either the failure or success. In the words of a friend of mine, and yes the words of any leetspeaker, "kthnxbaii" :)

School

So, am back at school. For the last term of the year. And i rerolled in WoW >_> Am level 24 (half 25). Pretty good seeing as i rolled on thursday. And played some today... was fun really. Despite the looming homework... which will be looked at soon enough.
I am very bad a sport. Even table tennis. Im horrible at it. But i took it for my wednesday activity and it's fun being sucky. I couldnt stop laughing when i was playing because my doubles partner was giving me the evils because i couldnt take the game seriously. He sucks at it too, so not my fault.
So today, we had the strangest thing happen during english. We're studying the play House of Bernada Alba and the last question of the quiz that we were sprung with ended with the question as seen above (not so well drawn, coloured or written... but I am tired so yeah.) "Who would wear a crown of thorns"?
Quiet for a few seconds before a few people answering in unison "Jesus?". It was very silly really. people laughed. I was one of the people who said jesus. The seating above is the way it was, left to right, front to back : Droid, Me, Skelletor the Magnificent, then back row is chokkit milk, D-cubed, and barney.
Of course the drue crew is missing a key member (potato :D ), it's still teh drue crew. And there are boys in my class. Only they were on the other side of the room, and im lazy and dont know if any other them answered the way skelletor and I did. So they dont matter.
And i suppose that taking IB messes with your head, because whenever you read any other book you unconsciously study it as if it were part of the silly-bus (syllabus) and you figure that the author really is on a secret mission to insult the government that enprisoned half their family half a century ago.
Or something of the sort. I say this because i was somewhat analysing the terry pratchett novel Pyramids while reading it during the weekend. Two of my brothers and I got it last saturday and my older brother had already read it so i got first dibs on the book.
It's beautiful and hardcover and just the way a book should be; the thick paper and awesome cover art and i liked the story too. Definately awesome book.
I will go eat now, because i am hungry and my useless big brother is eating dinner out and probably going to get drunk or something. I dont know. He's being douchy because my grandmother's home and they fight all the time.
Okies dokies. Noms time :)

So am nomming stuff. Some honey stars, chocolate, i has some mountain dew too. ive had a lot of jelly/jello and half a bag of CC's. i get hungry. sure it's a lot. i also had no money so one, i have too, of my vegetarian friends bought me a pie. we then proceeded to have a discussion about chicken juice. i was referring to gravy, but accidently said chicken juice and then we continued to call it that. i also had a very unpractical day. i havent done much homework this week. i wrote some english stuff, the final which is due tomorrow, but still havent finished it.

so had a crazy dream this morning. it started on a bus, where i helped this crazy fat lady with her kids. one was a little girl, one a boy with a weird shaped head, and a pair of siamese twins, which were more melded together than joined. they shared a body, but there were 2 faces where there should have been just one. the lady let me hang with her kids, but didnt want them back. i forced them back and went into the next room. after a while i was looking for the kids because i was worried and found a newborn laying on the floor crying, i picked it up and saw that the fat lady wasnt fat; the bady was hers. i gave her her baby and yelled at her. i woke up but fell back asleep and dreamt that i was at the school canteen and saw a friend of mine, who has really long hair, kind of a blond fro that grows down. he had short hair so i freaked out a little but woke up and had to have a shower for school.

So time to go finish my honey stars and chocolate. :D

the end!!