A flock of pigeons.

pigeons INDEED.

you want some context? let me oblige you.

Ive had a major development in the IT area after I left high school. I got my nerdy-outlet cutoff and i needed more kinda of rules as an "arts" major. I adopted lifehacker as a go-to and wondered how hard it would be to learn code and try to make a minecraft mod. but life gets in the way and im drawn away from rules of all of that and put in an exam room where i have to write an open ended essay and provide "personal response".

I dont like being personal all too often. Sure, I have a blog where i rant and rave and whatnot but i dont delve, per se. sometimes i dont want to substantiate a personal opinion, although i will if required.

when it comes to relating to people, i worry about being too honest because i dont want to lie, but i dont know whats appropriate. a newer friend of mine told me i was an attention seeker. this was after i made a conversation out of a comment of a classmate. apparently thats not what people do. nor was i supposed to say thank you to the bag guy twice not to mention i was "too loud".

rules i lived under apparently dont apply to the real world.

i like talking to people i can talk to. and finding those people is... in a word? difficult. i am loud. it might be because i spend a lot of time at home and get excited when i do talk. or my earbud wearing (the music headphoney things) has finally started to make me deaf. and i admit that i worry that what i say wont be heard, and no point saying something to someone that they cant hear.

i have been raised with my Ps and Qs well in check. You say thankyou. You tell the cabdriver to have a good day. And i do attempt eye contact where appropriate.

So. Wheres the connection to the pigeons? Have some personal response.

I dont understand people too often. When i was younger and spent a lot of time at the busstand in the afternoons, waiting for and in the namadi heights bus. that was the time the pigeons would flock as would the people. i would switch between the two to watch them. i understood neither how the groups of people formed nor why the pigeons made the shapes they did. they just did.

im getting to the point where i guess i have people i kind of get, some more than others. we dont always have the same rules of living, so i guess people will never to organised enough to do that bird synchronised thingy. wait, dancers sortve do that... and flashmobs... and people who do action choruses...

anyway i broke my analogy about human diversity. overall message? lets be ourselves... and can someone explain people to me someday? also- i applaud people who can dance. i cant. personal responses end here.

stay frosty :)

it's because i'm good at maths isn't it?

i think i mightve figured it out. i cant be happy because i can put two and two together. it's because i get a's in maths. curse you, brian!! i mean brain. :) i'm thinking of starting a series of one panel pieces about what my dark moods and i do together. yes, like go to lunches, and go shopping and things. im not uber up right now, in fact im relatively low. i'm also suffering from insomnia. so yes... googling things, it is.

post before bed.

i drew something... because i've been feeling uber sad and relatively useless. i blame people. more specifically guys. girls say things to your face but it never so much as stings. some guys are like that too. most of the guys i know have that special skill to make something hurt for a long time. whether it's teasing me about my hair, about me... i can't handle it well. i said to someone that i liked them and now i don't know if it still stands. i'm scared to think about it. i'm scared of... a whole lot of stuff.

i called my friend to try and talk about it but i couldnt say the words. i couldn't say "I'm sad". i hung up after a awkward conversation, for me mostly i think, and i felt no better. i was still sad, but now i was angry. angry at him. why do i have to deal with this? i want to ask why i'm not good enough. why i don't deserve even the smallest reply. i'm probably never going to ask him anything. maybe because all the problems are me. just me. it's not as if he cares right? its not as if it matters to him. i'm nobody.

i'm just a thing, a big ugly body which does nothing much apart from hurt people sometimes and do well in maths. i'm just someone who likes video games because then i don't have to be me. sometimes i; something that might say something smart, depending on the company. but really i'm nothing. i'm no one. i was never an idea, just an accident.

never again.... or maybe once more.

So there was a tsunami

well, a warning for us here in Fiji anyway.. so the school was closed and people were freaking out and calling people so all the lines were busy and no calls could get through. we were lied to by some guy who came up and said "hey the waves is 15m high and..." etc etc. So had a discussion with Jioji standing next to me about the height.
We tried to figure how high 15m was. So i thought about it and said "about 6 storeys high". and we couldnt use that, because of building differences and stuff. So we used him as our yardstick and figured it was about seven and a half jiojis to a 15m high wave. He is 180 or 190 cm tall. Im barely 160. He's very tall.
I am not.