post before bed.

i drew something... because i've been feeling uber sad and relatively useless. i blame people. more specifically guys. girls say things to your face but it never so much as stings. some guys are like that too. most of the guys i know have that special skill to make something hurt for a long time. whether it's teasing me about my hair, about me... i can't handle it well. i said to someone that i liked them and now i don't know if it still stands. i'm scared to think about it. i'm scared of... a whole lot of stuff.

i called my friend to try and talk about it but i couldnt say the words. i couldn't say "I'm sad". i hung up after a awkward conversation, for me mostly i think, and i felt no better. i was still sad, but now i was angry. angry at him. why do i have to deal with this? i want to ask why i'm not good enough. why i don't deserve even the smallest reply. i'm probably never going to ask him anything. maybe because all the problems are me. just me. it's not as if he cares right? its not as if it matters to him. i'm nobody.

i'm just a thing, a big ugly body which does nothing much apart from hurt people sometimes and do well in maths. i'm just someone who likes video games because then i don't have to be me. sometimes i; something that might say something smart, depending on the company. but really i'm nothing. i'm no one. i was never an idea, just an accident.

never again.... or maybe once more.