i might need pills

to help me sleep at least. my head is buzzing. im angry, at the world, at people, at the stupid neighbors who are very very loud.... and i cannot sleep like this. i cant sleep with lights on, when there's noise, when im thinking... im going off my head.

alright. i'll admit it. it started with me thinking about religion. i told someone about how i approach faith. my faith is somewhat selective in the fact that i treat the bible as something that shouldnt be taken literally. and so i want to know how this person stands. i have my reasons for being the way i am, that is im strange, crazy, obsessive and somewhat emotionally unstable and unavailable (well... i failed at one relationship and got burned when i tried to approach a new one... so sue me. yes im bitter and i hate that particular emotion). therefore, i base my faith on something that caters for my mind, and that makes me feel not so bad about the whole my dad dying thing.

yes. i cant face death. its my biggest fear aside from public bathrooms and hospital beds. public bathroom are disgusting, imo. im paranoid, okay? and i hate hospitals. the memory that i try to forget all the time was that of when i saw my fathers empty shell of a body lying on a hospital bed. so there. im off my head. sometimes it just has to be said.

yes yes... the bitter angry person that i am admits the failure that is my mind. i also need a new excuse to use as a euphemism for my stupidity. the one brain cell thing is old apparently.

/sigh.