Diwali!

So, I just came back from celebrating Diwali. I was okay, with food and fun, and fireworks of course, but it was full of adults. With some adults were children, but the oldest child would have been 11, apart from myself of course. 17 is an evil age because you're ever so close to the age of maturity and legal adulthood, but you're still a year away.
it drives me crazy.
I dislike it.
And so on and so forth.
So had a bit of a freak out earlier because i got thinking about my grandfather's funeral. When i was 12, my mother's father died. I remember that day. I got taken from school and there was a while of the house being full of weeping old women who i hated. They were random women i had never met before and they were crying about my grandfather. The nerve of some people, i thought. I remember the funeral. The open casket. I didnt go up to it. I was terrified. I tried so hard not to cry.
I remember going back to school and getting told by a very fat classmate that i had no right to wear a black ribbon because it had only been my grandfather. ONLY? Apparently you only got to wear a black ribbon if your parent or sibling died according to her. The cow.
Later on, my father passed away and I didnt wear a black ribbon. I thought it was stupid. Why should i display what had happened? I wasnt happy about it, and it wasnt something i wanted to flaunt. I remember the day of his funeral too. Sickly sweet smelling flowers, and the weeping, wailing women i had never met before. I didnt cry much, or at least I tried my hardest not to. I went to the service and read a passage from the bible. I was being watched by my entire class and tens of people i didnt know. I felt so angry. Daddy hated church. I felt so scared. I didnt know these people. I felt so alone. My mother was overseas. I felt so sad. I didnt have a dad anymore.
I was told today that a friend had just seen his grandfathers funeral. He said that when i understood how he felt i knew more about him. Nothing else matters. I felt so honoured. I'm hardly confided in. when i am, the thing is usually serious. I felt bad that i could be there next to him when he said it. A hug was called for but he was in front of his PC and me, mine. Emotion was so heavy i felt like crying. Memories are everywhere and its bad to hold them back.
On a lighter note, i love fireworks. They go boom boom crack! Yep. Kbai.