Back?

Well, i am for a little while. just back from the west and i was about to do a major dump of sad mumbo jumbo but i changed my mind. i think i'll just post my sad feeling about being lonely :P
well, i think that i'll never have a family of my own. it's very likely. i mean, why would i reproduce? i hate children. they're just like dogs that talk. you clean them, feed them, teach them things, let them make their own mistakes until they're old enough to bugger about by themselves, but even then they always come around when it's time to eat. i was looking after a little boy at a work thing while his grandmother was being part of the program. i drew for him, and he started talking to me after a while. then there was discussion, i read to him for a bit, and while i was doing other work he followed me around for a bit. was interesting. my mother also tried to joke me into a fixed marriage to some random guy if he had lots of money. i'm terrified of marriage. even if it was a fixed one, what would be the terms? would i have to make babies? i'm terrified of being pregnant. the idea of this little parasitic thing and is icky..
/sigh.
"do you liek dates?"
"not really, but it depends who's paying"
i had that convo with a woman i work with. she is funny, as am i. i was the "paying" one. so cute guy hasnt called by i dont mind. i dont really like him apart from him being cute. i hardly know him. whereas i have had my first "BIZ-URRNN" experience. wasnt too pleasant i was in the west feeling sorry for myself and my prediction that i will never really be happy. content, yes, but happy? that's like asking for fresh strawberries and cream while in Ba. Ba isnt fun. it's hot and boring and i got sunstroke this week. i was going to throw up when we went for food afterwards in Lautoka, but when i saw the bathrooms, i went to sit back down. never again will i consider using public bathrooms. i have a strange fear of them. like tennis balls. tennis balls seek me out and hit me whenever i'm nearby. it's terrifying. okay. i think that's it. i'm going to listen to some hellogoodbye, the band, to feel good. sure it's about love and these uppy-jumpy songs... but makes me smile. :)