attempting positivity

it's the end of the semester.

it's gone and now i just wait and see if i have failed a unit or two because i dont feel good about this one and all. in other news, im going through some stuff that includes a lot of facewalling.

i am also sick. i miss my ma and i want someone to look after me. i dont want to grow up and be 20 and learn about income tax and figuring out passport things and learn about budgeting to flat or worry about what grown up relationships are supposed to be about.

these are supposed to be my prime years but my friends are all out of town and im honestly a lot more comfy at home. so why the whining?

we all have that little "snarky" voice. i know because lifehacker sent me an email about it. and all of last year ive forced and double forced the positive extrovert to exhaustion. in short, i tried but failed at being happyhappy sunshine and rainbow poop.

so whats up with the facewalling? ive been friendzoned a lot lately. ok, two in a handful of months (ie 6) isnt a lot but considering i spend a lot of my time not talking to people, its a lot for me. and im not going to worry about it. or at least im going to tell myself that until i believe it.

wheres the problem with being friendzoned? well, its not so much as a problem but irritating. because i like mindless gibberjabber. i like talking and passing time with people, just.. one at a time. i like the idea of having someone that makes me ok. (See: I believe that relationships validate who you are because youre ok enough to be liked that way).

but im not validated. i have friends, a few great friends, i just dont get to see them because they have often parallel lives. and thats fine. i have a lot on my plate, its just i do it all at once rather than space things out in a smart way.

thats why i probably failed this semester. ive been sad. ive been feeling really alone. but most importantly ive been too gorram lazy and playing too many videogames to do the right amount of work to do well in my units.

and thus, i am attempting to attempt positivity. again.

My friend, manic-ness!

I recently scrapped about four posts I attempted to write because they delved into the depressing and highly personal.

To be honest, I’m still not 100% sure what I made this blog for. Sharing? Yes… But there’s only so much I can share, to be honest.

One thing I can be honest about it being scared to tell my family… in an out loud way that I’m scared of my manic depression (Steven Fry told me, via QI, that “manic” is better to say than “bipolar”).

I’m glad it’s not a terribly bad kind, and I’ve been keeping note of what triggers it and trying my hardest to come up with ways to bounce back whenever the lows hit. 

Some words of advice to those who have friends with this problem: saying "I've totally been there" does not help. Nor does "tough love". Yes, certain friends of mine. While I appreciate your attempts to help, you aren't very good at helping.

Positive people, distractions, a simple hug that doesn't say "I'm sorry" but "I'm here" helps. Don't be sad for me, I'm sad enough for myself and the four people I walked past on my out off campus when I started crying.

Context used to help but now it feel hollow. I used to say "it could be so much worse". But to respond, my lowness says "it's worse than it was. You used to be so happy". 

Now I think I should just tell myself that I'm here. I'm here to make my Ma happy, to do something that woulda made my Dad proud and something that I enjoy. 

I know I don't have the same kinda support I used to have from Wholemeal, but he's around when he can be. And I now have my useless butt friend Porcupine from time to time to help out and that keeps me occupied. 

That's the main thing. Keep busy. When Im just busy enough, I feel good doing stuff. So to anyone who knows what a low feels like, who hangs out with their manic self from time to time or someone who knows someone like me, keep in mind that what I know and what other people need are not the same thing. 

To each their own :) Stay frosty!

the thing about internet fame

im not famous. in real life or not the internet. im not even vaguely popular on the internet. ill watch notifications file past me on facebook all about everyone talking to everyone else.

i dont mind it, i mean, i guess its a lot less pressure. i dont have a fanbase to provide for, i dont have to get hate mail (cuz when people like you, there will always be more people who dont like you im guessing - i havent been in the position to test the theory).

I also have none of the internet appeals. i dont do music, my comics arent pretty pretty, my art in general is mediocre, i dont often look at youtube, and even though i can be funny and sociable from time to time, people are a mystery to me. y'all complicated weirdos whether you wanna admit it or not. I KNOW.

okies, imma go back to working on my bra comic. to celebrate it's creation im ditching the shirt and enjoying the company of my wonderfully affordable and comfy boobage handler.

stay tuned for more from my brainpad. :D

Of bread-dudes and kinda-dead dudes.

when wholemeal and i were first going out, i learnt a whole bunch of things that were very very odd to me.

he had his funny little quirks like that fact that he would say "one pant" and instead of motorbike would say "cycle"... he also used to be able to fit into my clothes better than i did (however it might be fair to mention most of the stuff he borrowed to bring this fact to light were my shirts and guy-cut teeshirts.)

it was weird that he couldnt roll dough out when i asked him to help me make puri and the day i found out that he didnt like pork and didnt eat beef, my perception of all meat was changed forever.

i guess all the little daily things - cooking, picking what to wear every morning, buying pants... all these things reminded me of him. his arctic monkeys CD is still sitting in the box i put it in to hide it from myself, not to mention all the other music im addicted to are all his fault.

and theres the card i found looking back at all my little girly and emo journals with him. on the inside, on the right "a very happy birthday to our darling daughter. we hope that you enjoy your next ten years as much as your last. Daddy and lorna". and then a four "x"s. daddy's blocky handwriting with all his E's in caps.

i have that in front of me at my desk so everyday i get closer to my 20th birthday, if i dont know what im doing, i try to think of something at would make daddy proud. so when i put together all the things that have happened from when i was 11 to june this year, despite his passing and all the changes and dark moods - i'll have a decade i can look back at and go "fuck yeah".

wholemeal is a big part of that decade. was? is? ah well. but im pretty sure id made up at least half of losing a dad. he was someone to hug. i'd lost that along with daddy.

ARSEBUTTS.

dont be sad, be busy

sometimes i write whole blog posts that i leave without publishing, come back to it and go "holyshit son, thats fucken emo in the pants" and so on.

thats the thing about occasionally having amazing ups, you get the tremendous lows where your hands dont work quite right, you dont want to go outside, and all you want to do is lie there or sleep. heartbreak or nostalgia, worry and loneliness. various problems that cant be easily outweighed by looking around at all you have and how well off you are compared to those who have nothing or few.

it takes time to get out of it, a friend maybe but that often isnt the case when you dont want to go anywhere...

and apart from all that, we delve into other things. so i try. i made some homemade icecream, started to brew some ginger beer, taught myself horchata, fed some puppies, cleaned something, looked stuff up and teh list of things to do lengthens because inbetween all the plans because you have time to play some videogames or to lie down and feel all the bad things all over again.

videogames are addictive because, hell, youre often all powerful, you defeat things and you can be someone else, often teh hero. thats why i play rpgs i guess. and screw mmos, imma be the ONLY hero.

so to anyone who might feel down, alone, sad and everything inbetween, just take the time to feel it and fidn the way to fix yourself. occupy your time so its that you dont have the time to pine and wonder and toss and turn and ask whywhywhy.

maybe itll work. i dont wuite know what works for me, but i wont get over anything unless i try right?

i aim to be the exception, exceptionally.

beware the venting and general downness

I ask myself what do i want to do in my lifetime a lot.

maybe too much. and this often is accompanied by "and who with?"

Now at the more or less end of something that had made me so damn happy i wonder where i go to from here. its not fairytale ending, and i guess ive never wanted one of those. im a pessimist masquerading as a realist and i  used to be content with the idea that id eventually get married to someone bland, have a kid or two, end up divorced and career oriented and maybe only see my kids on weekends.

is that still what i expect? of course not. i resolve to be exceptional. i guess one day i want to wake up next to someone who i'd be in awe of but still manage to get through all the banal, everyday things and not letting it all get to me. who with? god knows. when? same answer here too. but ive decided to settle for nothing less than happiness, with someone who'd consider me an exception to all the bullshit in the world and vieversa. that then transcending all the obstacles and people just getting on in a content manner.

in short? i plan not to bother with this or that and not necessarily wait for something perfect but not completely ignoring the possibility, which was my initial plan i guess. why tell the world? because maybe people need to feel the same. why be in something that makes you unhappy? why drag something around like a dead thing because that smell doesnt go away all too soon.

i was talking to a friend and she asked me "why are guys so complicated?". she and i are similar in teh sense that we know what we want and we say it without hesitation in appropriate circumstances. we are happy with simple things and feel that articulation is important unless your aim is to be disappointed with all the output that you get.

so people are complicated i guess. its just a matter of understanding them and knowing how they are. the complication is often not in the aspects of the personality but the revelation and learning of such aspects.

that is to say sometimes people are only themselves on their own or among few people, so how are we to understand them if we arent there to educate our general understanding? and so on and so forth.

so basically i might be getting closer to getting rid of my general artists block. its very painful when you want your hands to do things but they fail everytime. it used to be an outlet, a refuse by now its just... inaccessible.

on a lighter note, it seems that a lot of pictures of me when i was young were topless. i dont understand that. maybe thats why so many people thought i was a boy. it mightve also been my short hair. and handmedown clothes from my brother. and me being generally dirty.

So have this because of today.

love and life and everything in between
or rather especially between.

and thus to everything else i say
you bother me
and thus to everything else i say
i neednt explain

our love is mine and his
and so it shall remain

its neednt make sense
for it is from the heart
it neednt make sense
it's a feeling.

neither on nor off
she is cared for, clothed and well fed

sometimes im an asshole.

sometimes i feel like such an asshole.

im so angry at everything because it just seems to be in the way of what i want, what i really really want, my impractical hopes and dreams (which involve living with Wholemeal forever and ever and just creating books and art and drawing and living and breathing art). then i look again and i dont know what it is.

im studying at uni. i live with my family. im a volunteer at an ngo. i like all these things. but im trying to save money, trying to find a way to at least visit wholemeal and im stuck with a measly sum after a couple of months because i have to pay for materials for the commissions that i obviously wont get anymore because ive run out of friends who'd pay for them. and im too all over the place to try to do anything else. im too stupid to do one thing at a time, or at least a few things that pack up nicely.

am i bluuuue...

So yes, I am alive... and the bottom drawing was done first and the top done to snap myself out of the blueness... 

and yes, I have been doing stuff but only UBER TOP SECRET WONDER BR- I mean, stuff that I dont think are really relevant to the blog :)

but doan worry... i will be doing more relevant stuff JUST FOR Y'ALL :D

issues with the blog post construction process

what do you do when you have all these ideas in your head and so few people who would listen and fewer who care. by few i mean 1 because we share everything.

i was going to blog about having no dad on fathers day but... who would listen or care? just one.

i was going to get upset and write a whiny thing but who would listen or care? not one. not even he, not even me. whiny statements are meant to be put down, deleted. they dont deserve to take space up in your head.

i worry, i cry, i break down, i repair, i live. i live in cycles. i live in parts. i organise. it works :)

i wanted to use this blog for art. i force time for it.

i miss a proper structure.

Kicked out of a lecture?

Apparently it's hardcore. So, Ive managed to mess up in my second week at uni. I do want to defend myself. Firstly, the lecturer stated no "ground rules" for her lecture, so I was not sure of basic protocol. Then again, it's uni. And yes, I have the idea that it's adult school, where you're treated like an adult; you either pay attention or dont - if you dont and fail, your fault. Why are we still being babied when half my class are probably from their 20s to their 30s? Secondly, I was giving not a single warning. One second, I was talking to my friend (whispering in fact - the girl sitting next to me didn't even hear) and the next we were told to "get out and not come back" unless the lecturer said we could come back. Lastly, we were talking about something related to the lecture topic. What was the point of paying undivided attention to a woman READING THE TEXTBOOK TO US? Blegh.

It was my mother's first chemo session today. I dont really know what I expected, or how to react. There wasnt really that much to react to. Chemo is basically being put on a drip. So yeah. There were a lot of babies at the hospital today. A lot. I also managed to, for the first time, speak to one of Wholemeal's family members without looking at the floor. Why do i stare at the floor when I usually see one? Well.. Im shy... and I'm scared that they may not like me. So yes. Major step today. I found it hard to concentrate the rest of the day. I wasnt sure how my ma was going to react physical wise. But I got home, and she was fine. A little tired though. So f**k you Hollywood, you had instilled the idea that cancer turns you helpless and sickly. I feel a lot better though, after seeing how awesome my ma has been and how so many other women have just.. grabbed the bull by the horns and have had beef for dinner (bull = cow = beef?).

So that's about it from me. Goodnight and have a great sleep, internet :)

streaming live from my head again...

So i've been working on this stream of consciousness thingy... you dont get the beginning... but you can have a bit of the inbetween...

I grew up believing in divorce. My parents were divorced from when I was 3. I never dreamt about getting married and living happily ever after. I was never the tragically locked up princess; I was the crazy run-around-with-no-shoes-on-and-play-with-the-dogs day dreamer. I loved the mud between my toes, a stick in one hand, my other holding a tree I may’ve been “hiding” behind, stories to adventure in my head; adventures where I was all on my own, apart from a dog or two, traversing wild plains and lush forests. I would never want to be the spunky heroine who would shack up with the cute guy and then go into retirement to be a mum.

What’s one to do as a mum anyway? How does the heroine adjust? She can’t go off to save the world because she’s breastfeeding. She has to stay at home because there has to be someone to do the dishes, feed the cat, walk the dog, weed the garden, look after the baby and make delicious dinners. She’s going to wither away, go insane in the domestic, mundane-ness of it all. She’s he exotic flower transplanted into your backyard; a terrible idea.

More to come? Maybe, maybe not :)

i start uni tomorrow.

growing up pains

"freedom comes slowly at first" - Brian Keenan, An Evil Cradling. I probably mentioned earlier how grateful i am to my mother and the freedom she had allowed while wholemeal is here. I use "had" because... well.. the was a thing that happened (seriously not serious at all) and a communication fallout, as i do because im terrible at things. i recently got my IB results and got a 31 (out of 45), which i do feel proud of. sure, it's not uber impressive, but i managed that and did a whole bunch of other stuff too. It was also a seriously important two years for me. I stopped with the smoking, i had to question what i wanted, i dealt with a whole bunch of my own silly personal issues, and while keeping with the NGO work, I met wholemeal. The funny thing about my school results were that they improved in the forth and final semester, after i met him. but there are a few things that i had to realise and accept to actually "grow up".

I used to lie half in and half out of reality. I loved daydreaming, which would usually be the way i would develop the core stories for my silly comic story-lines. I would learn from TV and movies, and always figured that things would work out like they do in movies and books and things. This is not true. In movies, there may be young love and all sorts of things, but theres hardly any mention of family troubles or involvement or responsibilities or anything like that. I never understood what it would mean to manage a home until i moved in with my ma. sure, people would take about getting a job then moving in with their friends, but what about the family youre moving away from? would the new job be enough to cover rent, let alone be enough for bills and groceries and money for outings and stuff, not to mention put aside as savings. it makes my brain hurt.

sometimes i can be selfish and just want to leave home to get away from it all. to hide with wholemeal. the thing is, he wouldnt really let me. i wouldnt let me do something like that. my family is important to me. how they feel and what they do is something important to me. sure, i worry that i'd let them down. i worry that how i do in school will disappoint them. i worry that i wont do well enough with gen next or at the y. i worry that im not doing enough for them. i do know that how i feel about im doing ultimately should be the final thing (im a little lost for words), but.. how they feel contributes to it all. i do feel like im rambling on a little, and im probably not making too much sense right now.. but i think all i want to say.. not really admit, but something between the two, is that im at that stage in my life (haha dont i sound like a drama queen..) where all i want to do it throw myself off the cliff rather than scale down it carefully, with my harness securely fastened. "freedom comes slowly". one must never forget. there is a time for everything. patience is the skill and seizing the opportunity is something one should never regret.

Bit of a Drama Queen

That's what I am. I can admit that on occasion, too frequent to be proud of, I have a drama queen moment. I overthink and i scare myself and end up crying or having a reaction that would be a little.. excessive. I mean, doesnt everyone from time to time act out a little bit too much? From missing wholemeal to missing tron, i tend to lose it a little too quickly. the cause of it all? Sometimes it's all thanks to our lovely friend, the monthly visitor, other times it's hunger, heat, dehydration or tiredness. Im going to roll around hating cramps and be close friends with this very expensive cup of noodles. cheery bye! proper update when i dont feel somewhat nauseous.

Thisll be all text.. apart from Ganesh.

So Im feeling... very tired. There are several factors affecting this. The first is the uber lame one : i got my period today. Im sorry, internet, but i dont really give a fuck who knows. I guess all i really want to do is stick my head in my toilet and wait out the nausea, sleep all the day and not move until the cramps go away. But instead, i have to get up, exercise off all the uber fatness (ok, its not too bad, but im nearing the 65 kg mark and i really need to lose some of it...i am kinda tiny in general) and deal with life.

Another thing making feel really crappy is the people at school. They didnt do anything wrong, but i just feel kinda.. different. dont want to spend $6 to get there and go back home again to discuss stuff i dont really give a shit about right now, and i can barely afford anything. Im sick of that place. I want to leave it. It's mostly rich kids who more or less dont give a damn about their families (a lot i know do, though) and most of them probably dont know how to look after goldfish on their own let alone themselves... again, i feel half bad about these generalisations but.. Im sick of petty, sick of superficial, sick of drama-llamas and sick to death of beautiful people who arent really sure about the real world, the world out of that box. Im sure theyll do great though, they have good board to dive off into, and theyll probably have all the support they need.. but... these past two years have killed the idea of the easy life. There's no such thing. You have to give up your soul, time, dreams to have something close to easy; to be financially stable.

Im also feeling a little pressured at work. Ive been out of the groove for a long long time, and thats because of school, but my spark is gone. i dont know what to do, I dont feel like i should know what im doing. i feel like im back at square 1, where i dont ask anything and i just do what im told. I dont know, i'll ride it out and see what happens in the next few days.

And... my family. I love them, but.. this thing with ma, my head hurts from learning what the doctors mean when they say things, what operations are what, what treatments do what and everything.. and.. well.. my dad scars are hurting again. When i found out about the cancer, i wanted to get angry. I wanted to scream at the universe and curse it for threatening to take the parent i have left away. I was also terrified of losing ma, because i dont want her not to be there for all the important parts of my life; any children, a marriage, a home of my own, a good job, graduation, etc etc.. because thats what i hurt most about when it comes to dad, next to my guilt of not being there for him. Also.. things were said about dads condition before he died, and i felt horrible and hurt because i was never told anything about it. All i know was that it was his heart. Thats it. Internet, have you evr seen your loved one, cold and gone, on a hospital bed? Youd look at them, and know for a fact that its not them. The life is gone. Its just a shell. Its the point at which everything starts to fall apart.

So im sorry about the downer post. I need to put these thoughts and feelings somewhere so i dont explode. Wholemeal is out, and i dont feel like killing the buzz. Oh well.. hehe.. im going to put a happy pic to kill the sads. Well.. its ganesh. Whos awesome. I have it as my wallpaper and i also have a tiny little statue thing of him. myes :)

p.s. sorry for any typos or missing words, im a little tired...

HolySmokes Thursday

So this has been happening to me a lot.. the missing that is. However a little more than a month and then he'll be back for me to drag around places that no one else will go with me, to keep me company in cabs and to shake his head when i order my 3rd coffee of the day. So yeah, Exams start, for me, on thursday afternoon with the worlds awesomest subject, imo, mathematics. Ive had an awesome teacher, and ive always loved the logic and the certainty of it all... lame? maybe but i really couldnt care less :)

So.. i had a really dark moment yesterday.. I crashed, burned, sent the worlds most emo email ever to Wholemeal, cried and was ever so close to facewalling, but then i fell asleep. the cause? its all me really. I tend to put myself down when im.. idk.. let down isnt the word, but i gues swhen things dont sort out the way theyre supposed to. the wont bore you with the details, im just going to share what i learnt from that experience.

The greatest critic in our lives are ourselves. Unless we believe it when people put us down, it wont affect us. and to put ourselves down is the worst thing that can ever happen. I know im not exactly the worlds greatest person, but im an ok chick. there wasnt anyone else to tell me to calm down but him.. its odd in a way that hes the only one id believe. my family are biased.. but honestly to have someone, who cares when he doesnt have to, who points out the best things about you, and he worst things he'll tell you arent really bad or he tries to help you overcome those things. its nice, better than anything i could ever hope for or ask for.. and i know that thats why i dont care about the distance. :)

alrighty then. Serious panicking is over, the locking down and nailing self to desk to study has started. i have 3 weeks before im done with high school. Im so excited, but i have been warned that at the end of it all, its anti-climatic... english teachers really know how to make your day, dont they? :P Im being silly.. and to clear things up, it was my english teacher that told me that the end was going to be anitclimatic. she told her whole class (around 10 people). i guess its her way of caring :P alrighty, see ya round internets :)

heheh guising work :)

Ever so long...

Yes, i know, i havent blogged in a long while.. but i have fair reason.. i have exams coming up, and ive been very busy finishing high school and being ever so caught up on Wholemeal, its just been a very long couple of weeks... Guess what? Tomorrow is our 4 months, and apparently its lame when you count the months (should be years or something but im still getting used to the idea of having someone who makes me so happy, let alone counting years) but what others think and feel doesnt bother me. Sure, i care how my family are affected, but.. im allowed happiness right? i know i have to keep things in perspective, focus on these last four weeks and do well with my exams, but the hardest thing right now is just telling myself that i need to do these things for myself. I know i owe so much to my family for all their love and support... i know that, but i feel like a douche for feeling like i cant say these things out loud, to them. im scared they wont believe me because of how much ive messed up, how often ive forgotten which way im supposed to go. i know i have to make practical decisions, but sometimes i just want to give up aiming for a job that makes me the right amount of money and just.. aim for what i want to do. Yes, comics and books and drawings are so incredibly impractical, and isnt it a good thing that i know that? oh well... i know this probably doesnt make any sense whatsoever, so im just going to put another picture to finish this all off. I cant promise any more blogging until after exams... so yeah. Just putting that out there. Peace ? :)

I made a stencil of my daddy :)

I made a stencil... but then I folded it and it died. It was all cuz I used it to make this.

I’m writing on the bus again. It’s not my fault the bus is the easiest place to write blog entries. Most of my idle time is spent on buses. Sure, from time to time I’ll end up doing homework or reading the heck damn out of some random class handout and more often then not while listening to the nerdy show and giggling in my head whenever I hear Hex’s voice. Well, I'm proud of the progress with that I'm doing in art. What’s that, you ask?

this is just to keep with the tone of the old epic musings. i kinda miss the emos... lol jks.

It’s basically a comic, a soliloquy with pictures, with the panels stuck onto this board thing with I’ve spray painted onto with the help of a little stencil thing. The stencil is of my father and I. I now smell like spray paint. I hyped up on progress, not to mention the whole getting up early thing. What early thing? Well, I have to get my CAS done, but I'm also sick of telling myself off for not doing anything physically active. As a result, I’ve made friends with my brother’s work person who’s quite nice. :D

yea. chill. like an iceblock.

I saw the sun rise this morning. I was sitting in an outrigger canoe and saw the light change the sky, touching the tops of the clouds and reflecting off the top of the ocean. It was beautiful. It woke me up and I went to school feeling alive and very much in need of a Just Juice. I picked up my favourite kind, Tropical, and went to class and got told by the year-teacher-person that I didn’t usually “glow” like I did this morning. I think I might’ve glowed a little more because of what she said. :D

omg crayon. CRAAAAYON.

So I'm very excited about the Scott Pilgrim movie. I want to see it at least 3 times. This is not like the Kickass “at least such and such times”. I aimed to see it more than once, but no one would go to the movie with me. I had a sad at the time. I guess I very much prefer the comics to the movie. Well, for Kickass anyway. I don’t know about Scott Pilgrim. I haven’t seen the movie yet… /sigh. I can’t wait to. Hmn… I’m getting close to the 400 words thing. I'm scared you’ll lose interest, dearest readers. So yes, fare thee well and hope you stick around. :D

teh end of the post <3

Still no comics... but its okay!

This is going to be one of those real posts. What does that mean? It means Im going to put actual effort into this post. Why havent I been doing that lately? Let's just say that Ive been... tired. In short, I have been actually tired, but I have also been facewalling because of school stress and Id really like it if Monday never comes. Reason shall not be mentioned. Honestly, there are several, but I dont want to think about them. Okay, I was trying to do this blog properly, then I got a call and I was all distracted. Damn you lack of being able to hold phone to ear with shoulder and type. Ssh... dont judge me for my limited multitasking skills. Limited because I can multitask, but not talking. I like to talk. Its attention consuming. Or something like that. Yeah.

Oh noes aimlessness!

Okay. Im hungry. I think Im going to go and do the supermarketing with my mam after work... which Im at now. I have no internet at home.. so its not like I had a choice. Choice about what you ask? Exactly. Yeah that's right. You better be confused. It was my intention. Because Im a sneaky person. Sly like a fox. And "sah-pleye-zing" like some kinda ninja or some s--t. Hehe, did the dashes confuse you? Ninja'd again. Bwahahaha.

Then the monkey was all "cheyeah I totally am going to own that thing you have thar"

So yea. I have run out of things to say. Dont worry though. Bear with me and by Monday I'll give you something to laugh at/read. That will actually have a purpose or theme and be planned out any everything. And checked for typos. Who knows, it might even have those comics I promised. Sure, I dont know where I put the pieces of paper I drew on, but Ill find it. So CALM...DOWN. I know youse is all antsy and cant wait to read something Ive written. No, Im not cocky really, Im just pretending. Its a kind of defense mechanism. Like swearing or punching people in the mouth. So, yall have a good day and thanks for dropping by :)

pac man with a 'stache.
check out the others.