WOO

Some Sian-y upates for yewwwse.

Firstly, I moved Comics in a Jar to wordpress. Im sorry, google. I love you, Id totally have a chromebook, and I cant look at any other kind of phone without going "it's not as cool as my baby andy". But wordpress makes it easier to read. This has been tested with teh challenged of our community (boys who couldnt navigate the previous site.)

Secondly, Im teaching myself the ukulele. Im working my way towards a banjolele (Damn you, QI). It's fun and her name is Lillian and one day I might actually figure out the B chord and figure out strumming patterns. it's only my second day so yes. Ive managed to learn tuning and G, C, D and a few other easy chords. I learnt the 20s intro for Adventure time so thats kewwwll. I think so anyway lol.

And started uni yesterday so years looking full and i guess will have too many things to worry about between making sure Andy, Gorram, Lillian and Ceecee are going good. Also known as spending time with my phone, stuffed elephant, my ukulele and my laptop doing little more than nothing.

Hope everyone else is going good :D

I'm awesome.

Exams soon. Im ok with teh idea. Little feet is comign along ok. You should all look at it. Here. Have a link to it. Stay tuned for more possible updates. enjoy teh hand above :)

Long post is long.. but it has to come out.

I wonder why… well … that doesn’t sound too good so let’s start again.

I was thinking, which is never good, about what it’s like to be “different”. What are we supposed to do? Do we play along because, thanks to the miracle of trial and error, we know that bad stuff happens when we act the way we feel.

Where is this going? Well… I’m a bit… I don’t know. Lonely isn’t the word, because I know a lot of people, thanks to my inability to stay with one group of people or change the same way they do. Angry, sad, hurt, confused, frustrated, tired… none of these words fit.

To be less-than-specific, I’m finding it hard to be me. People think I’m odd because I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of listening to what people did last night or last weekend or what happened in the clubs. It’s not like I’m not allowed to go. Call me cheap, but I’d rather stay at home, in comfortable clothes, not in a bad smelling room being forced to hear bad music. I don’t like dancing. I often am not in the mood to drink. I don’t want to spend $3 for a cab, more or less for there and back. I want to be at home. I want to rest after a long day. I want to listen to the music I like and read something or just relax at home. I like doing this. Apparently, this is unnatural and unhealthy.

I also am told that I have an odd relationship. I can’t explain why it isn’t odd for me. It’s all just... feelings. I like having someone I can talk to. I love him… I just... really hate the distance part. This distance brings about “odd behavior” which is used to cope with the distance; staying up late to chat, maybe leaving skype on so that if one of us can’t sleep, we at least have the other to talk to or something. This is bandwidth consuming and does bother a certain number in my household. Is also “keeps me up”… apparently. However, if I don’t have him there, for most of the time, anyway, I cant sleep properly. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, alone and in the dark, the nightmares chasing and… no one. I can’t turn to anyone else because no one else will care. No one else does care. I’m not complaining; I’m stating facts.

I don’t have enough of that stuff… I cant remember the word… but that motivation stuff that makes you do stuff. I don’t want to get up and find a “decent job”. I have full time uni. I volunteer. Sure I also get money from my family. I’m not doing too bad. I don’t feel compelled to throw myself off the edge and say “I'm GOING TO GET A PROPER JOB, DO UNI, SORT OUT HOME STUFF EVERY OTHER DAY, MAKE A FEW BEST FRIENDS AND GO OUT ON THE WEEKENDS BEFORE MY 19^TH BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY”. I’m not 19 yet. Not for a few weeks. Well… less than 2 weeks. Being an adult though doesn’t mean that I have to rush with anything. There are people who do less than I do and there are people who do more. Everyone has the own threshold, a line that, if passed, they will fail to do anything and just crumple up and fade away. I want to do things properly. I want to take time out to do the things I want to do. I have time to grow up, to learn “what my calling is”, to find a job and move out. Fuck, I’m still a first year uni student.

I make my decisions. Others make decisions with me. Some make decisions for me. Yes, I have to be considerate of others, but am I not allowed to be myself, even if it means being weird?

I am, right?

Fifi hath return-ed...-th.

So hey, how is everyone? Oh, me? Im just nauseous. Don't worry, though - study break is really recovery so i don't fall out of exam seats with cramps and all. My airshift this week productive (as you can see in the blog post aujourd'hui.). I think i need a new marker because i made like.. 6 of these. There are these 2, 2 secret ones (BWWAHAHAHAHA) and 2 lame ones. Yes. These arent the lame ones :O

anyway, stay frosty while i bum around in my pirate getups :D

ciao :)

no... it cant be midway through the month already..

Heeeeeey... long time no blog! Its getting kinda late and im all tucked in and ready for some sleepy-times... so heres my latest stuff in colour - sorry for the lack of scans.. im a bit busy sleeping and trying to not fail uni.. also - i got myself a buzzcut! number 3 :) stay tuned for more possible updates :D

so heres me playing fingerpaints :)

more recent colour-work... my hands were shaky..

this is where i was a-werking

and here's lil ol' me and my fancy new 'do - the buzzcut :D

From The Random Cafe On Campus

So… long time no see, blog. I'm sorry, but I guess I can’t help it considering my uni stuff. Well that and trying to do everything else. Sure, I could be bumming around (and I kind of have for one of my compulsory classes – that being the gay computer stuff type one…) and doing next to nothing but I have stuff that I want to do, so I'm trying to do it all… and for once I'm not failing. It’s nice.

Yesterday, I had my favourite day of the week – Tuesday. It’s my favourite because of the whole lovely, wonderful fact that the only class I have that day is first thing in the morning... and it’s only a lecture, not to mention that it’s politics (that means that it’s a snooze lecture because it’s a “sit-listen-and-you-might-just-learn” type of thing). So I had some bumming around time, but more importantly, I got to go into work. I missed doing work so much last year. Sure, I didn’t have much time, but that’s what bothered me. I love writing for programs, I like broadcasting, I may not be too much a fan of TALKING (shudder) to people, but it’s often interesting.

I’ve also being trying to get elected on campus. This mainly means that I need to put up more flyers, talk to more women (shudder) and maybe sit outside where people will be voting this week so as to get the vote. Why am I doing this? When I got to uni, I was looking forward to joining something that I’d be interested in. I get here, find out that I HAVE to pay this particular amount of money, and I’m automatically put in some group according to my ethnicity. HA. Good luck figuring that one out, USP. I’ll save you the trouble – other. I don’t like the label, but I’ve been stuck with it my whole life. It grew from “my what?” to “other” to “half caste” to “Eurasian” to “Scottish-Irish (gypsy)-Indian/Indo-Fijian-Filipino” and finally to “it doesn’t matter”. Ethnicity is a major problem in Fiji. Since its all “touchy-feely-I’ll-poke-you-in-the-eye-if-you-get-it-wrong” I won’t touch it at all.

So, in between this all, I’m sure they may be at least one person (well... I’m hoping there’s one who might follow this part of my ridiculous life) is asking “how’s Wholemeal?” To answer your question he’s fine. He’s been helping me a lot these past few days. We often talk at night, when we’re about to sleep (me at 10 or 11, him at 5 or 6 in the morning... yes, I think 6 is a silly time to sleep). More recently, he’d been making sure that I actually do my ass(hehehe)ignments... I mean assignments. It’s nice to have company to tell you to sit down and write what you need to instead of buggering around, procrastinating and making many cups of tea. So, it’s nice. I usually do the same for him, so it’s only fair that we share the job.

Finally, I’ve been teaching myself shorthand. It’s fun. Sure, I’m cheating and learning a different version of the alphabet instead of learning the phonetic one that my grandmother knows, but yes. I promise a comic later tonight. Cheery bye, interne and see you ‘round!

long text post. i guess.

What do I really want to do with my life? Elections at uni are coming up and im running… again (again as in, I got disqualified, but they deferred elections so now I can re-run). I don’t understand uni. I hate going because I don’t fell… like I belong there. I spend my free time drawing, or playing around online, but today it was mostly drawing. I'm making a book, which has 7 short stories at the moment. They're all picture stories – you know, like for little kids – but for who ever, no ageism needed. It’s the only thing I enjoy. I have assignments due and stuff… but I cant get into them. This happened last week, after I got kicked out of my lecture. I couldn’t make myself care, I just couldn’t. I know I’ll start working seriously tomorrow. I have to.

In other news, dads birthday and “anniversary” is coming up. It’s not going to be a weepy thing this year, I swear to myself. I think I’ll get wholemeal to take me to the cemetery when he gets back (sure, thatll be may-ish.. but it’s something.)… that’s one of the things I love about him. He helps me with things I’d rather not say anything about, because most people would just say something that would make me cry. All he has to do is stand next to me, and I’m too happy to cry. Even when it came to exams last year – my mam would be on my case, and so would he. He did IB and he was always “did you study? Yes? Ok, good let’s skype”. Or something entirely unlike that. Im not too sure.

Ive coloured the stories. Not well, but I did. I'm too tired. Ive had a migraine all day and I just want to lie down. The migraine may be the cause of the “CBF”ness. I don’t know.. anyway, cheerybye… and goodnight internet.

Kicked out of a lecture?

Apparently it's hardcore. So, Ive managed to mess up in my second week at uni. I do want to defend myself. Firstly, the lecturer stated no "ground rules" for her lecture, so I was not sure of basic protocol. Then again, it's uni. And yes, I have the idea that it's adult school, where you're treated like an adult; you either pay attention or dont - if you dont and fail, your fault. Why are we still being babied when half my class are probably from their 20s to their 30s? Secondly, I was giving not a single warning. One second, I was talking to my friend (whispering in fact - the girl sitting next to me didn't even hear) and the next we were told to "get out and not come back" unless the lecturer said we could come back. Lastly, we were talking about something related to the lecture topic. What was the point of paying undivided attention to a woman READING THE TEXTBOOK TO US? Blegh.

It was my mother's first chemo session today. I dont really know what I expected, or how to react. There wasnt really that much to react to. Chemo is basically being put on a drip. So yeah. There were a lot of babies at the hospital today. A lot. I also managed to, for the first time, speak to one of Wholemeal's family members without looking at the floor. Why do i stare at the floor when I usually see one? Well.. Im shy... and I'm scared that they may not like me. So yes. Major step today. I found it hard to concentrate the rest of the day. I wasnt sure how my ma was going to react physical wise. But I got home, and she was fine. A little tired though. So f**k you Hollywood, you had instilled the idea that cancer turns you helpless and sickly. I feel a lot better though, after seeing how awesome my ma has been and how so many other women have just.. grabbed the bull by the horns and have had beef for dinner (bull = cow = beef?).

So that's about it from me. Goodnight and have a great sleep, internet :)

Uni is difficult

well, it's my second week and i'm writing this in my journalism class thing. It's interesting. Im on a break. CONCISE. 8 months.

:D

the first proper day

So ive been going to USP and back a few times, trying to sort out all my whatnots and stuff. I have to change one of my majors and the student services have been sitting on that for a while. In a word how has it been at USP so far? Frustrating. Im not really glad, but i guess its good to know that this happens to other students too. Today was orientation for the part of the school i knew i was definitely in. There are these evil things called UU classes which are for basic skill brush up classes. One is computer literacy and the other is english for academic purposes. having pretty good english, its the only language that i can speak with confidence (i know some french, but i dont like using it, and when it comes to hindi - even fiji hindi- and fijian im lost as any other useless person) and I spend a lot of time on computers so I guess the computer literacy one wont be too much either.

so today i went to orientation, so that was very much to do. There were few speeches to sit through - i drew in my friends book for her- and we walked out at some point to look for our mutual friend who was a "mother" dispenser. Im not too much a fan of mother, mostly because it go uber hyper and start rattling off really, really fast. We walked around, we got free stuff, looked at a line for student services and then turned around, we met up with another friend, went for lunch, went to get a switch for my place (i can use internet almost all the time now, score!), and we went to the bank for one of my friends, had a sit down at mcdonalds.... many things happened today. then i tried to rest but went to town again with my mam - she made me get my eyebrows done, so i paid someone to hurt my forehead, then we got some food, saw my extended family peoples and now we're home.

Its been a long day, I miss doing femLINK stuff already and Im not looking forward to going to usp first thing tomorrow. but i will sort out, i will sort out, i will, i will, i will sort out - all this stuff tomorrow (like its a song or something. thats how it should be in your head).. Cheery bye :)