I say useless but i mean different

I wake up early when I plan on getting things done. The owl is not a morning person. thus, one reason why i call him an owl. Second reason is that he kinda looks like one. anyway.

todays little feet was about how useless gamer boyfriends are. to be honest, ive only really dated 2 people properly. nile was not a gamer. he did not like games. he liked going out and doing things, not necessarily in the morning. however, the owl is more used to sleeping during the day. why?

apparently, gamer bedtime is 5am most days. yes. 5. am. when i wake up to turn on the hot water so i can shower and not freeze to death at 5.30 or 6 (depending on how much stuff i didnt do the night before).

So. to be fair (as i tried with the last panel of the comic) this does not suck. in fact, it just is. sure, i end up doing stuff on my own during the am but thats fine. arvo hangouts and lunchtimes are good times to see each other too.

that and i get to eat. i am a fatty.

in fact, during todays lunch where i ate a cheeseburger and a peanut chocolate slab (did i say i was a fatty? i am. anyway the "slab" is a 50g slab so thats not soooo much), i was trying to figure out my next comic.

it was this chocolate. aka FUCK YEAH DELICIOUS

owl insists that it be about our friend arnold. i asked why and he just said "Arrrnooooolldddd". so. i guess thats that then.

my boyfriend is silly.

So I'm back! On Little Feet in particular, and will be picking back up in my other comic at some point, but need some.. uh... resources first. and by resources I mean paper. I need nicer paper. But I am poor. So that'll take a while.

Anyway, I want to blog now more specifically to reflect Little feet. Because i can.

Firstly, TSATS. Its a project at work that I'm mighty proud of. I and a friend of mine at work vlog about important things. I claim credit (only because it's due, i swear) as technical producer and script writer. Of course that means all bad criticism is all to me but I guess that's what I want. To learn from this. Anyway, it's awesome so take a look at it sometimes. LOOK AT IT.

Secondly and basically lastly, my owl (I saw owl because names have almost always been near eliminated here at Epic Musings, he's my boyfriend) is very... specific about footwear. not as much as I make it seem, but he once pointed out that I call flipflops shoes when I shouldnt. Apparently flipflops are not shoes. Which I can understand, sure, but they are a footcovering of some kind and very many people wear them everywhere here. I must point out that he's not from here, and by here I dont mean Suva, I mean Fiji.

Anyway, there will be more LF, just as sure as there will be more Epic Musings.
Woo, go me :D

Why there should be way more research around lady things.

Theres something terrifying about knowing that things will change.

The other week, i got told that too much progesterone is throwing off my general "me-ness" and whatnot. i went in for nausea and came out knowing that I had to change so much to deal with what was making me miss so much.

nausea sucks dick for money. i hate it. i had accepted it, gone "oh yeah, thats just how my body reacts to everything". turns out theres something to do with salt and other stuff so the first thing to be cut back is my consumption of the amazing dirty chinese food.

to my knowledge, im the only one that uses the term with the prefix dirty. overseas, chinese food is weird. its clean. theres so little msg, so much random other crap. its not the chinese that im used to. not fiji chinese food.

so. thats gone and cut back to whenever. and because of cutting back my brain frizzes out. all of last week i was angry. angry at everything. i guess the hormones are like "hmm... shes changing her game... mess with her mind! bwahaha". and when i wasnt angry i was flipping between sad and amazingly high on life.

it was terrible.

yeah, sure, possible manic depression there with my brain all over the place. and what do i do? i call people. talk about everything else. distract myself from the fact that im getting upset or angry or sad about something that i know doesnt make sense but bothers me all the same.

its tiring.
i dont want to have to go through with this anymore.

so, what do i do? look it up. exercise apparently. eating better. the latter is never a problem, food is totes my thing. but the exercise... negh.

its still adjusting, im still adjusting. its barely been two weeks of trying to eat right, make sure i doan sit all day, etc etc. i just hope this is worth it.

stupid science.

i am an eejit

sometimes i get caught up in the big picture.

the wonder and wish for a family because i feel that having a babeh or something, a real family of my own, is the best thing one can do with ones life.

i spend a lot of time wishing i had the certainty of person. but that is all time wasted.

life is everywhere and building a legacy is also something i want to do. not on a large scale, but i want to do something im proud of.

storybooks i make, im proud of. the friends i have made, i often find myself facepalming as i sit conservatively to the side, being my usual lazy self, but i am also proud to know them.

i am caught up in the habit of having someone i feel like i connect with. i stupidly find myself unable to associate my person with the idea of an ex.

maybe because i didnt really feel like anyones anything. i still dont. im mine. i am not defined by who i attach myself to. i am defined by myself. what i do. right?

i am more often defined as my mother's daughter, but i am glad that even she allows for the recognition of myself as an individual, branching out from what she has given me, yes, but an individual.

i rearranged my bedroom furniture today. its a habit i have. when im bothered i fold clothes, sit and stare, cry now and again, clean, rearrange things. i never draw to clear my head. the pictures are all fuzzy and end up as crumpled pieces of paper in a bin.

there is no other moral to the story than this-dwelling is unhealthy.

i am the hypocritical confidante and i am one who knows the issue so well, yet does nothing. i endeavour to change that.

baby steps.

LFM Motivation

Where oh where has my passion gone?

Im glad Im working my own stuff like ASC and Me (I just put out a bit of and queued the rest of Chapter 7)

I dont miss doing Little Feet, but I do wish I did more of it. The last thing I did with it was in May. That was... a while back.

Anyway I recall being a motivator or ami of mine. Although it was more like supervisor who'd say "ARE YOU DONE YET?" every 2 minutes to get them to finish their stuff.

So maybe I require supervision for comicking.

Herm. #needmorejuice