Epic Musings

the thing about internet fame

2012-02-12T19:45:00.002+12:00

im not famous. in real life or not the internet. im not even vaguely popular on the internet. ill watch notifications file past me on facebook all about everyone talking to everyone else.

i dont mind it, i mean, i guess its a lot less pressure. i dont have a fanbase to provide for, i dont have to get hate mail (cuz when people like you, there will always be more people who dont like you im guessing - i havent been in the position to test the theory).

I also have none of the internet appeals. i dont do music, my comics arent pretty pretty, my art in general is mediocre, i dont often look at youtube, and even though i can be funny and sociable from time to time, people are a mystery to me. y'all complicated weirdos whether you wanna admit it or not. I KNOW.

okies, imma go back to working on my bra comic. to celebrate it's creation im ditching the shirt and enjoying the company of my wonderfully affordable and comfy boobage handler.

stay tuned for more from my brainpad. :D

Of bread-dudes and kinda-dead dudes.

2012-02-09T17:59:00.000+12:00

when wholemeal and i were first going out, i learnt a whole bunch of things that were very very odd to me.

he had his funny little quirks like that fact that he would say "one pant" and instead of motorbike would say "cycle"... he also used to be able to fit into my clothes better than i did (however it might be fair to mention most of the stuff he borrowed to bring this fact to light were my shirts and guy-cut teeshirts.)

it was weird that he couldnt roll dough out when i asked him to help me make puri and the day i found out that he didnt like pork and didnt eat beef, my perception of all meat was changed forever.

i guess all the little daily things - cooking, picking what to wear every morning, buying pants... all these things reminded me of him. his arctic monkeys CD is still sitting in the box i put it in to hide it from myself, not to mention all the other music im addicted to are all his fault.

and theres the card i found looking back at all my little girly and emo journals with him. on the inside, on the right "a very happy birthday to our darling daughter. we hope that you enjoy your next ten years as much as your last. Daddy and lorna". and then a four "x"s. daddy's blocky handwriting with all his E's in caps.

i have that in front of me at my desk so everyday i get closer to my 20th birthday, if i dont know what im doing, i try to think of something at would make daddy proud. so when i put together all the things that have happened from when i was 11 to june this year, despite his passing and all the changes and dark moods - i'll have a decade i can look back at and go "fuck yeah".

wholemeal is a big part of that decade. was? is? ah well. but im pretty sure id made up at least half of losing a dad. he was someone to hug. i'd lost that along with daddy.

ARSEBUTTS.

Note: Ive been watching a lot of adventuretime.

2012-02-09T10:20:00.000+12:00

People in my head. Like the nacho guy!

2012-02-06T23:40:00.000+12:00

when i was younger i thought there were people in my head.

they had their own voices and stories and lives. it took me a few years to figure out that not everyone had these many people in their heads. you listen to one long enough, they become their own, and you let them out. thats where alex came from.

i spent a long time with this people in my head and i wandered about my garden at my dads house, in shorts, barefoot. id get muddy feet, a scratch, talk aloud when i knew no one was there. i mean, i still do, making new stories in my head, speeches, programmes i may never record. but its all there and needs to come out.

as i got older, some of them became me. coexisting, always there at the same time, sometimes switching at the drop of a single word. my funny, social self - the quiet, shy self - my angry, sweary self- the moods swings, my "gemini nature" according to my ma.

i make myself sad, happy, i entertain myself when theres no one else at home, adopt a heroic persona when im RPing a videogame (never evil or too firm).

why not? arent we different from animals because we can? our minds are our playgrounds. sure i havent invented anything, but thats where all my recipes come from thus my ginormous thighs.

after wholemeal and i split, one of me just ganged up on me all the time. especially when it was just me. im not good enough. i couldnt make him happy. im useless. im stupid. i suck. he should just find someone else.

but that wasnt it. we never really fought. we were happy. we were too far apart though. well, we are. and its, well, heartbreaking. this isnt a valentines special. and im more likely to want to burn everything frilly, red and cartoon heart shaped (because real looking hearts are super gross to look at really.) but i was always liek that. BURN THE SENTIMEN-LAME-ITY!

Because its fake. one day a year to have fancy dinner and say "i love you" with presents and roses? why roses? why thorny, ugly things? i like orchids. theyre prolly the only flower i can stand realy. cuz they look all funny.

wholemeal brought me one once. was sweet. but i did get a bit upset because he totally ditched his bros to come over and that was totes uncool. although i didnt really mind, just didnt want his friends to get pissy at me. but it was a pretty flower.

I want to be pocahontas. let john smith go. i have to be with my people. however i have to let wholemeal the amazing go so i can pass my uni stuff. well, the pining and the sad go.

anyway. watch Little Feet and Comics in a Jar for my amazing comicyness. LF updates three times a week while CiaJ updates everyday. Danke!

I've started it!

2012-01-22T17:36:00.002+12:00

One of teh major things I wanted to do this year was get most of my gorram ideas out of my head and somewhere where others coudl see it.

That's why ASC and Me will be updating every Sunday and Wednesday along with Little Feet!

Because there's nothing more fun than being productive :D

and so on :)

dont be sad, be busy

2012-01-17T08:11:00.001+13:00

sometimes i write whole blog posts that i leave without publishing, come back to it and go "holyshit son, thats fucken emo in the pants" and so on.

thats the thing about occasionally having amazing ups, you get the tremendous lows where your hands dont work quite right, you dont want to go outside, and all you want to do is lie there or sleep. heartbreak or nostalgia, worry and loneliness. various problems that cant be easily outweighed by looking around at all you have and how well off you are compared to those who have nothing or few.

it takes time to get out of it, a friend maybe but that often isnt the case when you dont want to go anywhere...

and apart from all that, we delve into other things. so i try. i made some homemade icecream, started to brew some ginger beer, taught myself horchata, fed some puppies, cleaned something, looked stuff up and teh list of things to do lengthens because inbetween all the plans because you have time to play some videogames or to lie down and feel all the bad things all over again.

videogames are addictive because, hell, youre often all powerful, you defeat things and you can be someone else, often teh hero. thats why i play rpgs i guess. and screw mmos, imma be the ONLY hero.

so to anyone who might feel down, alone, sad and everything inbetween, just take the time to feel it and fidn the way to fix yourself. occupy your time so its that you dont have the time to pine and wonder and toss and turn and ask whywhywhy.

maybe itll work. i dont wuite know what works for me, but i wont get over anything unless i try right?

i aim to be the exception, exceptionally.

beware the venting and general downness

2012-01-15T22:51:00.000+13:00

I ask myself what do i want to do in my lifetime a lot.

maybe too much. and this often is accompanied by "and who with?"

Now at the more or less end of something that had made me so damn happy i wonder where i go to from here. its not fairytale ending, and i guess ive never wanted one of those. im a pessimist masquerading as a realist and i used to be content with the idea that id eventually get married to someone bland, have a kid or two, end up divorced and career oriented and maybe only see my kids on weekends.

is that still what i expect? of course not. i resolve to be exceptional. i guess one day i want to wake up next to someone who i'd be in awe of but still manage to get through all the banal, everyday things and not letting it all get to me. who with? god knows. when? same answer here too. but ive decided to settle for nothing less than happiness, with someone who'd consider me an exception to all the bullshit in the world and vieversa. that then transcending all the obstacles and people just getting on in a content manner.

in short? i plan not to bother with this or that and not necessarily wait for something perfect but not completely ignoring the possibility, which was my initial plan i guess. why tell the world? because maybe people need to feel the same. why be in something that makes you unhappy? why drag something around like a dead thing because that smell doesnt go away all too soon.

i was talking to a friend and she asked me "why are guys so complicated?". she and i are similar in teh sense that we know what we want and we say it without hesitation in appropriate circumstances. we are happy with simple things and feel that articulation is important unless your aim is to be disappointed with all the output that you get.

so people are complicated i guess. its just a matter of understanding them and knowing how they are. the complication is often not in the aspects of the personality but the revelation and learning of such aspects.

that is to say sometimes people are only themselves on their own or among few people, so how are we to understand them if we arent there to educate our general understanding? and so on and so forth.

so basically i might be getting closer to getting rid of my general artists block. its very painful when you want your hands to do things but they fail everytime. it used to be an outlet, a refuse by now its just... inaccessible.

on a lighter note, it seems that a lot of pictures of me when i was young were topless. i dont understand that. maybe thats why so many people thought i was a boy. it mightve also been my short hair. and handmedown clothes from my brother. and me being generally dirty.

And then I got a little sleepy.

2012-01-02T22:24:00.000+13:00

Im back home and the new year has begun with morning powerwalks and other sort of pushupthings and going non meat, and im wide awake 14 hours after getting out of bed. My ass hurts from the walk and now im back in my room after a lot of spring cleaning instead of doing an evening walk in teh humidity and occasional rain.

all the clothes ive chosen to start my year with fit in my drawers and on the racks and i feel pretty good. its very odd indeed. especially after starting it all off being technically single. Love is love is love and it hasnt really gone anywhere, its just teh technical attachment and all. i did cry and weep and make sad faces in the corner. i got really angry at myself and all the usual "HOLYSHITSONHOWAMIGOINGTOADJUST" sortve breakdowns and now im just... level. i might dip now and again thanks to my beautiful semi manic-ness and what my ma likes to call my "gemini nature".

but wholemeal and i talk about stuff, so that hurt my head a while ago and i guess this is the year of learning to do the best i can and when im not doing that imma just chill the fuck out. with some dhal or icedtea or something.

So have this because of today.

2011-12-29T21:32:00.002+13:00

love and life and everything in between
or rather especially between.

and thus to everything else i say
you bother me
and thus to everything else i say
i neednt explain

our love is mine and his
and so it shall remain

its neednt make sense
for it is from the heart
it neednt make sense
it's a feeling.

neither on nor off
she is cared for, clothed and well fed

not so happy xmas? no thanks, brain.

2011-12-10T23:03:00.001+13:00

its coming up to christmas and i need to kinda get out of this mood. christmas to me is decorating the tree the night before, putting all the presents under there and watching children tear at their presents with excitement while babehs roll around in the paper and everything else.

wholemeal has been uber busy of late, with the last bit of exams and life just keeps happening. its scary. i dont want it to, in case i miss something while i watching everything happen.. and i just dont know where everything is going and fingers crossed next year will be better than this one.

hope for better days, and i know the new year will be a disappointment in every way shaoe and form because welcoming 2011 was amazing. it was lame, at mcdonalds, and neither wholemeal nor i knew when it was precisely midnight, but atsome point in between the fries and my cheap coffee, we kissed happy new year and im sure we made alex turner proud :P

this year will be family, so not bad just different, and im going to be two decades old. i know where i quite fit just yet, so im not going to worry about trying to put myself in somewhere that doesnt feel quite right. better alone than in the wrong place.

but now its still 2011, its still december, and theres time to figure everything out. at least try to.

Hey, im still awayy

2011-12-05T23:40:00.001+13:00

so im away in melbourne, skipping around and sorta buggering up my ankle.

im going to sleep now. :)

sometimes im an asshole.

2011-11-21T00:05:00.000+13:00

sometimes i feel like such an asshole.

im so angry at everything because it just seems to be in the way of what i want, what i really really want, my impractical hopes and dreams (which involve living with Wholemeal forever and ever and just creating books and art and drawing and living and breathing art). then i look again and i dont know what it is.

im studying at uni. i live with my family. im a volunteer at an ngo. i like all these things. but im trying to save money, trying to find a way to at least visit wholemeal and im stuck with a measly sum after a couple of months because i have to pay for materials for the commissions that i obviously wont get anymore because ive run out of friends who'd pay for them. and im too all over the place to try to do anything else. im too stupid to do one thing at a time, or at least a few things that pack up nicely.

im also an asshole because im angry at feminism sometimes.

if i was a mere commodity, i wouldve slyly gotten wholemeal to arrange marry the shizz out of me and then just live the rest of my life cooking and cleaning and caring for children while secretly drawing. this would be enough because wholemeal wouldve been there. but no. i live in the present. where things cost an arm and a limb when you feel like a paraplegic.

i also feel like an asshole because of all my complaining. its just one of those months where im stuck in this dark mood i cant get out of. i ended up nearly killing little feet, i didnt study until the last minute for my exams, i still cant eat, ive been sick, ive barely left my house and i just want to stay home and stare at the wall sometimes.

what makes me cry is seeing a birthday card from my dad from about a decade back. "we hope you enjoy your next ten years as much as your last".

i cry because i dont know if i have. ive lost family, especially my dad. ive changed schools, ridden a crazy ten year emotional rollercoaster thanks to my inability to want to adapt to most social situations. ive seen real women and the real issues, not my weepy teenage problems.

but im human right? sometimes in an asshole, and sometimes im a hardass and just do what i have to. sometimes im nice to people, sometimes im social and sometimes i spend a day in homeclothes without brushing my hair. im a person of relativism yet someone who wont pretend to think or do or be something that isnt what i really feel. thats an accomplishment right?

right?

Couply stuff

2011-11-03T21:09:00.001+13:00

So have some recent doodles, both about Wholemeal and I

Also, CURSE YOUU ROSS NOBLE

I'm awesome.

2011-10-31T22:55:00.002+13:00

Exams soon. Im ok with teh idea. Little feet is comign along ok. You should all look at it. Here. Have a link to it. Stay tuned for more possible updates. enjoy teh hand above :)

Ganeshji should totes help me out

2011-10-22T20:01:00.000+12:00

Am stuck with a whole lot of stuff. cant work. sore brain. ...

So quite a bit is going on...

2011-10-17T10:00:00.000+12:00

Which is always exciting of course, but productivity is fun.

The semester is winding down and only a few assessments remain, but I figure Im doing pretty well (I could be completely wrong about that, however).

Am working on a side project, a circus book I hope to have in coffee shops here (free of course, since I have to hehe).. and don't forget the lovely very very new Little Feet that doesn't quite stand yet. And still learning how to draw dogs for a commission. Am playing with ink too. Because i can.

Maybe am trying to do a whole lot of stuff because I have to keep hands busy. Cuz youknow, one gets into a work-less rut. Speaking of which, i need to figure out a way to rearrange my room again. all the standing space is odd because well... you cant really stand against any of the walls. I have so many goshdarn tables. maybe i need to pull out a table.. hm.

Anyway, stay frosty and rearrange! Because it may be procrastination, but if youre havign fun, its totally worth it..

Web comic? yuss!

2011-10-15T22:33:00.001+12:00

We shoudl all look here

Because Im excellent, and because I feel like it, Ive started a webcomic.

Yes, at the mo', it's a little plain, but blame it on teh he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-hairCLIPZ

heheh.. so yes, hope y'all follow! :)

so i made sommat.

2011-10-10T20:30:00.000+12:00

Pinktober

Remember the reason for the season

am i bluuuue...

2011-09-24T20:34:00.001+12:00

So yes, I am alive... and the bottom drawing was done first and the top done to snap myself out of the blueness...

and yes, I have been doing stuff but only UBER TOP SECRET WONDER BR- I mean, stuff that I dont think are really relevant to the blog :)

but doan worry... i will be doing more relevant stuff JUST FOR Y'ALL :D

So I was thinking

2011-09-19T21:35:00.000+12:00

Since I was wonderign about my art.. and what I could do with it, I was thinking about doing commissions.

Ive already got some lined up (by abusing friendships and my adorably chubby face) and working on books with guidance is a challenge.. but a worthwhile one.

So yes.. feedback would be nice.. and any requests will be considered (just so y'all know :D)

I'm mostly working on custom books... which a little, coffee table top kind of things.

You know you want one :D

~

issues with the blog post construction process

2011-09-04T15:44:00.000+12:00

what do you do when you have all these ideas in your head and so few people who would listen and fewer who care. by few i mean 1 because we share everything.

i was going to blog about having no dad on fathers day but... who would listen or care? just one.

i was going to get upset and write a whiny thing but who would listen or care? not one. not even he, not even me. whiny statements are meant to be put down, deleted. they dont deserve to take space up in your head.

i worry, i cry, i break down, i repair, i live. i live in cycles. i live in parts. i organise. it works :)

i wanted to use this blog for art. i force time for it.

i miss a proper structure.

Just another update

2011-08-08T23:02:00.000+12:00

So Let's see what's been happening... And just a heads up it includes a new dog, sleepy drawings and my messy table :)

The two doggies of the house... Max and... (shudder) Trixie... My mother named her.. /sigh

Messy Table :D

I was starting to get a little tired...

fwoooshhh

Oh noes what happened to the pencil??

The speech bubble isnt pointing to the right place... ><

Hand drawing a hand drawing????

yes. That tired

Also : three sleeps and i get to grab hold of my favourite loaf of bread :D

Blergg

2011-08-06T16:33:00.002+12:00

So i havent doing a lot... hahah just kidding, ive been kinda super busy so sorry for the lack of updating :)

have some of my recently shareable stuff. the top is something i did when sleepy and a little happy off markers.. i tend to put my face really close to the paper i draw on which results in my tiny tiny drawings

teh second is a stencil i did to show my baby cousin how stencils work. i used a make up ad, and drew on parts with her

and teh third was also for her, the powerpuff girls. she was all like "theyre like from powerpuff girls z!" and i was sorta like "yeeees. ive never seen it but yeeeees"

shes so damn adorable.

anyway, ciao and maybe more will be seen

MAAAAYBEEEE

Stuff Ive Made Lately...

2011-07-10T22:40:00.002+12:00

So here's what Ive been doing lately..

2011-07-06T09:44:00.000+12:00

So Ive been working on making makeup ads into stencils.. hehe.. the one above was when wasnt in the happiest mood hahaha... but just adjusted levels a bit... used sliver spray paint so thats why it might look a little odd.

This one (above) was also a makeup ad, but used marker to get teh stencilled stuff out because was avoiding my sad can of silver spraypaint...

so i bought markers and told wholemeal: "TELL ME WHAT TO DRAWWUHHH". so he said 'draw one really confused man". im not sure if he meant a or one really confused man, because in Fiji English its the same thing.. as in "thets one gewwd place to eat".

And heres a little doodle of me :) i started trying to exercise, wasnt well this morning so missed out going for a walk, but in general am somewhat enjoying the idea. not the action so much haha...

so yes, im trying to avoid long, angry, weepy posts because i dont really have much to be angry and weepy about and theres no point is there? its not that good an idea haha, the internet has enough emos :)

stay tuned for some more stuff.

maybe.

From Imgfav with love...

2011-06-24T17:35:00.000+12:00

So.. have some imgfav gold ive found recently :)

(Still I rise - this will forever remind me of my year 12 english teacher..)

(Slutwalk - one day, suva will catch up)

(10 things i hate about you poem)

(the pans labyrinth thing..)

Havent posted much... why you ask?

2011-06-24T17:11:00.000+12:00

I dont know really. I guess Ive been doing other things, not so much writing, contemplating or anything.. i've been playing videogames mostly. Sleeping is my #3 thing on my mind, after wholemeal and videogames.

I finished the second dragon age game before my brother, as i did with fable 3. ive been home a lot more than he, to be fair. so i go back to finishing the first dragon age which i didnt get to do because he buggered about with the DLCs and borked it.

Im having fun in Dragon Age and trying my hardest not to use a walkthrough or FAQ. Despite frustration, I did the gauntlet puzzle thing with the bridge all on my own. I did use one, however, to figure out who gets what gift.

So apart from my lame videogamingness, i have been leaving my house to do errands, supermarketing and work so its not like ive shut myself off from reality.

Much.

Anyway, better get back to the console..

Ciao :D

Dreams.

2011-06-24T16:57:00.002+12:00

The other night I had this very odd dream. It was either uber symbolic, because I have now passed the “tender teen years” trial, successfully becoming 19, and I can now neither call myself a young woman or a lady. Anyway, the dream I had was in a familiar setting, I’d had dreams of these magic pools of water on these caves that appeared in my dreams in the garden at the house I lived in with my dad, stepmother and brothers. I was surrounded by all the “adult” people I knew and I remember saying out loud that I had had friends come over to the magic place when I was much younger and what a sad state the pools were in then.

They were sad, the levels were low, the magic seemed a day away from being dried up, the caves were crumbling, and the older friends in my dream didn’t want to be there. So they left, and it was me, feet in the water, being beckoned by these friends, promised a more mature, better kept location.

I guess I had been tripping again on nutmeg, which has happened only once before and the effect both times were very slight and only affected dreams. On the over hand, it could’ve been a kind of stand by my subconscious saying “grow up, you daft monkey”. The times have changed, I have outgrown the pool and the magic would no longer work for me. I need a different refuge, I need to grow up and I have people there to help me grow. I have friends (yes, I barely see them but I have them... somewhere), I have a significant other and I have my family.

But most importantly, I have me. I have me realizing the need to grow. I have me wanting to grow. That’s the hard part done, right?

Long post is long.. but it has to come out.

2011-06-06T14:47:00.002+12:00

I wonder why… well … that doesn’t sound too good so let’s start again.

I was thinking, which is never good, about what it’s like to be “different”. What are we supposed to do? Do we play along because, thanks to the miracle of trial and error, we know that bad stuff happens when we act the way we feel.

Where is this going? Well… I’m a bit… I don’t know. Lonely isn’t the word, because I know a lot of people, thanks to my inability to stay with one group of people or change the same way they do. Angry, sad, hurt, confused, frustrated, tired… none of these words fit.

To be less-than-specific, I’m finding it hard to be me. People think I’m odd because I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of listening to what people did last night or last weekend or what happened in the clubs. It’s not like I’m not allowed to go. Call me cheap, but I’d rather stay at home, in comfortable clothes, not in a bad smelling room being forced to hear bad music. I don’t like dancing. I often am not in the mood to drink. I don’t want to spend $3 for a cab, more or less for there and back. I want to be at home. I want to rest after a long day. I want to listen to the music I like and read something or just relax at home. I like doing this. Apparently, this is unnatural and unhealthy.

I also am told that I have an odd relationship. I can’t explain why it isn’t odd for me. It’s all just... feelings. I like having someone I can talk to. I love him… I just... really hate the distance part. This distance brings about “odd behavior” which is used to cope with the distance; staying up late to chat, maybe leaving skype on so that if one of us can’t sleep, we at least have the other to talk to or something. This is bandwidth consuming and does bother a certain number in my household. Is also “keeps me up”… apparently. However, if I don’t have him there, for most of the time, anyway, I cant sleep properly. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, alone and in the dark, the nightmares chasing and… no one. I can’t turn to anyone else because no one else will care. No one else does care. I’m not complaining; I’m stating facts.

I don’t have enough of that stuff… I cant remember the word… but that motivation stuff that makes you do stuff. I don’t want to get up and find a “decent job”. I have full time uni. I volunteer. Sure I also get money from my family. I’m not doing too bad. I don’t feel compelled to throw myself off the edge and say “I'm GOING TO GET A PROPER JOB, DO UNI, SORT OUT HOME STUFF EVERY OTHER DAY, MAKE A FEW BEST FRIENDS AND GO OUT ON THE WEEKENDS BEFORE MY 19^TH BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY”. I’m not 19 yet. Not for a few weeks. Well… less than 2 weeks. Being an adult though doesn’t mean that I have to rush with anything. There are people who do less than I do and there are people who do more. Everyone has the own threshold, a line that, if passed, they will fail to do anything and just crumple up and fade away. I want to do things properly. I want to take time out to do the things I want to do. I have time to grow up, to learn “what my calling is”, to find a job and move out. Fuck, I’m still a first year uni student.

I make my decisions. Others make decisions with me. Some make decisions for me. Yes, I have to be considerate of others, but am I not allowed to be myself, even if it means being weird?

I am, right?

Fifi hath return-ed...-th.

2011-06-05T16:38:00.000+12:00

So hey, how is everyone? Oh, me? Im just nauseous. Don't worry, though - study break is really recovery so i don't fall out of exam seats with cramps and all. My airshift this week productive (as you can see in the blog post aujourd'hui.). I think i need a new marker because i made like.. 6 of these. There are these 2, 2 secret ones (BWWAHAHAHAHA) and 2 lame ones. Yes. These arent the lame ones :O

anyway, stay frosty while i bum around in my pirate getups :D

ciao :)

Dragon Age 2

2011-05-24T08:48:00.002+12:00

I love Max but sometimes he puts me to shame with his silly face...

no... it cant be midway through the month already..

2011-05-15T22:25:00.000+12:00

Heeeeeey... long time no blog! Its getting kinda late and im all tucked in and ready for some sleepy-times... so heres my latest stuff in colour - sorry for the lack of scans.. im a bit busy sleeping and trying to not fail uni.. also - i got myself a buzzcut! number 3 :) stay tuned for more possible updates :D

so heres me playing fingerpaints :)

more recent colour-work... my hands were shaky..

this is where i was a-werking

and here's lil ol' me and my fancy new 'do - the buzzcut :D

short post is short :D

2011-04-26T19:30:00.000+12:00

Long day is long. But I am awesome... short post incoming:

Sorted out alot of room type stuff today. Like.. made a hangy pole thing to put hangers on

for my clothes...

...

ciao :D

16 days now...

2011-04-25T20:31:00.000+12:00

hairclips, a ring.... black and white is handcore...

Back from easter break, and boy do my feet hurt! Actually, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever why my feet hurt. I havent actually done much...

For some reason my Ma and I are now watching four weddings and a funeral..

And.. let's see... Im tired :)

Ciao and enjoy the stuff i bunged in here :D

doodles... note the bottom one - which is wholemeal playing with a cat

Games.

2011-04-21T12:01:00.000+12:00

Ofcourse, I'm referring to the video kind. Firstly, I really shouldn't be blogging. I have all this stuff I should be doing, but guess what? I have a plan. The plan is to build up to this work, and do it from a certain time.

Anyway, videogames. Theyre terrible in the sense that I spend waaaay too much time on a GBA emulator, fangirling on Vincent Valentine, or thinking about my true love... tetris. I like the idea of RPGs and.. perhaps more specifically JRPGs, but I suck at finishing them. I would like to blame my brother for this, as he was the owner of most of our gaming platforms, therefore has say over who plays, what is played and when games are played.

But as I age, I am conquering my previous fails. That is, I've beaten KH2 with one run through - i didnt have to go back looking for anything and I owned the heck out of everything with the ultima weapon.. And I'm well on my way with FF7, seeing as I've managed to get all the characters so far on my own (i never said sans a walkthrough). and so on..

So, peace and love.. I better get back onto my slackarse uni stuff. ciao :D

the other day i was trying to be positive

2011-04-20T11:13:00.000+12:00

Then again, it was a significant amount of time ago... but anyway... I made a list of things that I like. So I guess day by day, I will list them, describe and try my hardest to have an accompanying picture-type-thing.

Number One: Food.

In my google reader (these things are awesome - sadly, they are terribly addictive, i spend all my time looking at pictures of cats, dogs, food and comics instead of things like Facebook updates.. improvement? I think so) I've subscribed to some feeds about food, such as The Kitchn, Just Bento, and a few others.

When I lived with my dad, he did all the cooking. I barely knew how to make toast, let alone cook. But after moving in with my ma, i discovered cooking and the awesomeness of it all. I love the prep, the smells, being the first one to stick my (clean) finger in something to see if it's ok and all of the above. It's therapeutic for me, and is always a nice way to end my day... although Uni has ruined this recently. I get home sometimes around 6 and Litia (the awesome older lady who has been coming to do things like cleaning and whatnot) is often the one to make up for my tardiness on some days.

When it comes to what I like to eat, there's an.. odd, i suppose, variety of things. There's dhal, a lentil soup I've loved for ages and ages, and sashimi, sushi, salads, steaks, stir fry things, noodles.. a whole bunch of things. And, of course, theres chocolate. Sadly, I have developed some sort of super-speed eating habit, and this is mostly associated with things like chocolate. Good things never last.. /sigh :P

Alrighty then, that'e enough from me for today, stay tuned for the update tomorrow (hopefully) - "GAMES"

<---This is good for you.. because it is food.

13!

2011-04-14T09:25:00.002+12:00

so. interesting week has gotten a little more.. interesting. lady problems crashing the party, bringing nausea, discomfort and cramps to the party of life. oh the number? thats how many days ive spent in a hotel so far. i am the winnarrrrr...

so yes. have picture. i am going to lie down. :D

bye. :)

so.

2011-04-11T09:17:00.004+12:00

yes, it's time for your regularly scheduled procrastination.

It's me. Obviously. Anyway, don't feel like creatively writing at the moment. I will in a while. Just a few life-updates.

Haven't put a number to it, but feeling highly blegh. As in, "damn-girl-you-re-getting-a-little-round-in-them-places". As in weight gain. Im totally feeling it. And Ive just dropped a paperclip in my cup of cold home-made cappuccino. That was odd.

Also, have been listening to "Fire Coming Out Of A Monkey's Head". I got the album, all CD and the like, a few years ago. It makes doing dishes awesome. I highly recommend.

Anyway, I better go do something else now. Ciao :)

A-M

2011-04-06T12:51:00.003+12:00

A is for alone

feeling quite.. alone. in a physical sense. but i prefer it at the moment. i dont want to be crowded, and with some family around, i feel claustrophobic, but wholemeal makes it so much better

B is for boiled water

for noodles for lunch. they comfort me. theyre familiar.

C is for cancer

that my mam is dealing with. im always so scared that i wont be able to do enough for her. i try, but i'll never really know.

D is for distance

that hurts the heart, but the ties to that place faraway stops the pain and sends me love and smiles.

E is for elephants

forever my symbol, of something exotic, interesting and wise

F is for father

the one i miss ever so much

G is for greens with dinner

to keep up my strength, health and whatnot.

H is for heart, strong but hesitant

that is no longer mine, and has been promised to be kept safe and warm

I for me, myself and I

not number one, but myself none the less.

J is for juice that never seems to be there

that runs out so quickly

K is for karma

that bites you in the butt or glides you through your day

L is for life and love

two things thatre very important.

M is for money

that cold thing, yet so important..

so i'm trying

2011-04-05T19:12:00.003+12:00

but its really hard to work. you want to know what i did today? i watched that 70s show and replace my atm card. the guy at the bank tried to make me do that sms banking thing. it was liek "uhh.. im sorry i have to go". and by go i meant away. i went and had an iced coffee and i thunked. i thinked and thunked and stuff fell out. i came up with more ideas for books. the main one was about my dad. so i do i plan on dealing with it all by writing, then drawing, about it. think along the lines of persepolis, just not as good. i suppose. so. long night ahead. im going to get wholemeal to force me to work. i can work, but.. i just... i just sit down and my mind wanders and i get sad. he stops me from being sad.

cheerio (and hopefully more cheer later) .

nearly how long?

2011-04-03T18:05:00.002+12:00

Thats so awesome. I want that mug. just because. Ok, so i havent been blogging for a long while. Ive had uni (is getting gosh darn hectik - i got 8/aprox250 votes...) but yes. damn you ethnocentric politics! damn yewww... anyway.. its a week to my dads 4 years and someone close to me has lost someone. It makes me think... well.. it makes me feel... a little useless. How am i to help? because i want to. Ive lost my grandfather and my dad and the thing is.. they were both very different experiences. I was 12 or so when i lost my grandpa. I was in class 7, and i got pulled out of school. i remember being told by a classmate that i shouldnt be allowed to wear a black ribbon because "he was my grandfather, he wasnt close to me". the old man would let me help him with his insulin shots. i was, for a short while after, obsessed with the idea of becoming a doctor or scientist. i wanted to cure diabetes. when i lost my dad i was so.. lifeless. my dad was the guy i grew up with, looked up to. i inherited the animal love, the love of cooking, the eyebrows, forehead and fascination with storybooks. dad was always there.. until i moved out of his place and in with my mum. it was getting hard for me to stay there. (however that couldve been some odd childish thought). 11 months after leaving his place, i got the phone call. my ma was in aus, and i had just managed to figure out chicken drumsticks. i was told that my dad was in the hospital that was 15 minutes away by foot, or less. i was told to wait for the car. my dad was gone well before i had been told. the memory hasnt faded.. but ive grown a bit to know that its not something to wail about. sure, there are tears when its brought up.. but.. im sure ive mentioned the boy with the bread who has given me the strength to say hi to my dad without tears. so... as a last couple of words... life ends before we expect it to. doesnt mean that its early. its on time, its just that we dont want it to. we're mortal creatures. let's not waste time on negative thoughs, actions or in a manner of dwelling that only hurts ourselves. live life, love and sleep.

From The Random Cafe On Campus

2011-03-16T08:41:00.000+12:00

So… long time no see, blog. I'm sorry, but I guess I can’t help it considering my uni stuff. Well that and trying to do everything else. Sure, I could be bumming around (and I kind of have for one of my compulsory classes – that being the gay computer stuff type one…) and doing next to nothing but I have stuff that I want to do, so I'm trying to do it all… and for once I'm not failing. It’s nice.

Yesterday, I had my favourite day of the week – Tuesday. It’s my favourite because of the whole lovely, wonderful fact that the only class I have that day is first thing in the morning... and it’s only a lecture, not to mention that it’s politics (that means that it’s a snooze lecture because it’s a “sit-listen-and-you-might-just-learn” type of thing). So I had some bumming around time, but more importantly, I got to go into work. I missed doing work so much last year. Sure, I didn’t have much time, but that’s what bothered me. I love writing for programs, I like broadcasting, I may not be too much a fan of TALKING (shudder) to people, but it’s often interesting.

I’ve also being trying to get elected on campus. This mainly means that I need to put up more flyers, talk to more women (shudder) and maybe sit outside where people will be voting this week so as to get the vote. Why am I doing this? When I got to uni, I was looking forward to joining something that I’d be interested in. I get here, find out that I HAVE to pay this particular amount of money, and I’m automatically put in some group according to my ethnicity. HA. Good luck figuring that one out, USP. I’ll save you the trouble – other. I don’t like the label, but I’ve been stuck with it my whole life. It grew from “my what?” to “other” to “half caste” to “Eurasian” to “Scottish-Irish (gypsy)-Indian/Indo-Fijian-Filipino” and finally to “it doesn’t matter”. Ethnicity is a major problem in Fiji. Since its all “touchy-feely-I’ll-poke-you-in-the-eye-if-you-get-it-wrong” I won’t touch it at all.

So, in between this all, I’m sure they may be at least one person (well... I’m hoping there’s one who might follow this part of my ridiculous life) is asking “how’s Wholemeal?” To answer your question he’s fine. He’s been helping me a lot these past few days. We often talk at night, when we’re about to sleep (me at 10 or 11, him at 5 or 6 in the morning... yes, I think 6 is a silly time to sleep). More recently, he’d been making sure that I actually do my ass(hehehe)ignments... I mean assignments. It’s nice to have company to tell you to sit down and write what you need to instead of buggering around, procrastinating and making many cups of tea. So, it’s nice. I usually do the same for him, so it’s only fair that we share the job.

Finally, I’ve been teaching myself shorthand. It’s fun. Sure, I’m cheating and learning a different version of the alphabet instead of learning the phonetic one that my grandmother knows, but yes. I promise a comic later tonight. Cheery bye, interne and see you ‘round!

long text post. i guess.

2011-03-11T20:38:00.000+12:00

What do I really want to do with my life? Elections at uni are coming up and im running… again (again as in, I got disqualified, but they deferred elections so now I can re-run). I don’t understand uni. I hate going because I don’t fell… like I belong there. I spend my free time drawing, or playing around online, but today it was mostly drawing. I'm making a book, which has 7 short stories at the moment. They're all picture stories – you know, like for little kids – but for who ever, no ageism needed. It’s the only thing I enjoy. I have assignments due and stuff… but I cant get into them. This happened last week, after I got kicked out of my lecture. I couldn’t make myself care, I just couldn’t. I know I’ll start working seriously tomorrow. I have to.

In other news, dads birthday and “anniversary” is coming up. It’s not going to be a weepy thing this year, I swear to myself. I think I’ll get wholemeal to take me to the cemetery when he gets back (sure, thatll be may-ish.. but it’s something.)… that’s one of the things I love about him. He helps me with things I’d rather not say anything about, because most people would just say something that would make me cry. All he has to do is stand next to me, and I’m too happy to cry. Even when it came to exams last year – my mam would be on my case, and so would he. He did IB and he was always “did you study? Yes? Ok, good let’s skype”. Or something entirely unlike that. Im not too sure.

Ive coloured the stories. Not well, but I did. I'm too tired. Ive had a migraine all day and I just want to lie down. The migraine may be the cause of the “CBF”ness. I don’t know.. anyway, cheerybye… and goodnight internet.

Sometimes...i just feel really aimless

2011-03-03T17:01:00.004+13:00

And its times like that that i end up writing four tiny stories in a day. well.. short picture stories. I drew them today.. wrote them.. they need to be coloured. SO . the great gatsby - comixed. hilarious. brings back year 11.. god, i was FAILING english then. so sad.

I want these. I have an apron... but pixel oven mitts? sexehh.. lol, not really. i just really hae burning myself (not on purpose, of course..).

NEVER WILL SOMEONE SUSPECT KITTYNESS. never. yeah. thats all i have to say about that.

Naw babeh hugs... so cuuuuuuute. mummy is always safely. :)

And I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT IS(excuse the french). Is it a dog? a toy? why does it have a rocking mo' and i have nothing? /sad. anyway, happy week! one day i will have a real post... one daaaaaaay.

Kicked out of a lecture?

2011-03-02T20:04:00.002+13:00

Apparently it's hardcore. So, Ive managed to mess up in my second week at uni. I do want to defend myself. Firstly, the lecturer stated no "ground rules" for her lecture, so I was not sure of basic protocol. Then again, it's uni. And yes, I have the idea that it's adult school, where you're treated like an adult; you either pay attention or dont - if you dont and fail, your fault. Why are we still being babied when half my class are probably from their 20s to their 30s? Secondly, I was giving not a single warning. One second, I was talking to my friend (whispering in fact - the girl sitting next to me didn't even hear) and the next we were told to "get out and not come back" unless the lecturer said we could come back. Lastly, we were talking about something related to the lecture topic. What was the point of paying undivided attention to a woman READING THE TEXTBOOK TO US? Blegh.

It was my mother's first chemo session today. I dont really know what I expected, or how to react. There wasnt really that much to react to. Chemo is basically being put on a drip. So yeah. There were a lot of babies at the hospital today. A lot. I also managed to, for the first time, speak to one of Wholemeal's family members without looking at the floor. Why do i stare at the floor when I usually see one? Well.. Im shy... and I'm scared that they may not like me. So yes. Major step today. I found it hard to concentrate the rest of the day. I wasnt sure how my ma was going to react physical wise. But I got home, and she was fine. A little tired though. So f**k you Hollywood, you had instilled the idea that cancer turns you helpless and sickly. I feel a lot better though, after seeing how awesome my ma has been and how so many other women have just.. grabbed the bull by the horns and have had beef for dinner (bull = cow = beef?).

So that's about it from me. Goodnight and have a great sleep, internet :)

Uni is difficult

2011-02-28T14:03:00.001+13:00

well, it's my second week and i'm writing this in my journalism class thing. It's interesting. Im on a break. CONCISE. 8 months.

streaming live from my head again...

2011-02-20T22:27:00.002+13:00

So i've been working on this stream of consciousness thingy... you dont get the beginning... but you can have a bit of the inbetween...

I grew up believing in divorce. My parents were divorced from when I was 3. I never dreamt about getting married and living happily ever after. I was never the tragically locked up princess; I was the crazy run-around-with-no-shoes-on-and-play-with-the-dogs day dreamer. I loved the mud between my toes, a stick in one hand, my other holding a tree I may’ve been “hiding” behind, stories to adventure in my head; adventures where I was all on my own, apart from a dog or two, traversing wild plains and lush forests. I would never want to be the spunky heroine who would shack up with the cute guy and then go into retirement to be a mum.

What’s one to do as a mum anyway? How does the heroine adjust? She can’t go off to save the world because she’s breastfeeding. She has to stay at home because there has to be someone to do the dishes, feed the cat, walk the dog, weed the garden, look after the baby and make delicious dinners. She’s going to wither away, go insane in the domestic, mundane-ness of it all. She’s he exotic flower transplanted into your backyard; a terrible idea.

More to come? Maybe, maybe not :)

i start uni tomorrow.

the first proper day

2011-02-16T18:16:00.002+13:00

So ive been going to USP and back a few times, trying to sort out all my whatnots and stuff. I have to change one of my majors and the student services have been sitting on that for a while. In a word how has it been at USP so far? Frustrating. Im not really glad, but i guess its good to know that this happens to other students too. Today was orientation for the part of the school i knew i was definitely in. There are these evil things called UU classes which are for basic skill brush up classes. One is computer literacy and the other is english for academic purposes. having pretty good english, its the only language that i can speak with confidence (i know some french, but i dont like using it, and when it comes to hindi - even fiji hindi- and fijian im lost as any other useless person) and I spend a lot of time on computers so I guess the computer literacy one wont be too much either.

so today i went to orientation, so that was very much to do. There were few speeches to sit through - i drew in my friends book for her- and we walked out at some point to look for our mutual friend who was a "mother" dispenser. Im not too much a fan of mother, mostly because it go uber hyper and start rattling off really, really fast. We walked around, we got free stuff, looked at a line for student services and then turned around, we met up with another friend, went for lunch, went to get a switch for my place (i can use internet almost all the time now, score!), and we went to the bank for one of my friends, had a sit down at mcdonalds.... many things happened today. then i tried to rest but went to town again with my mam - she made me get my eyebrows done, so i paid someone to hurt my forehead, then we got some food, saw my extended family peoples and now we're home.

Its been a long day, I miss doing femLINK stuff already and Im not looking forward to going to usp first thing tomorrow. but i will sort out, i will sort out, i will, i will, i will sort out - all this stuff tomorrow (like its a song or something. thats how it should be in your head).. Cheery bye :)

The curious case of the bread and butter

2011-02-15T20:10:00.002+13:00

Now, I dont know if Ive ever mentioned this in my blog, but my relationship with wholemeal started because he brought me food. Not just any food - awesomely awesome cream buns from the hot bread kitchen. And for all you dirty minds out there, they were LITERAL cream buns.

With the delivery of these buns (during my period 6 english class) came a long loaf (plain, uncut white bread) and a wholemeal slice (sliced brown bread). Upon receiving the bag of baked goods, i was asked to sign a receipt, which was handed back to me. It was all a little suss because i didnt pay for anything.

This is the end of the story - but i leave you with the bestest best slogan that hot bread should adopt : "if you like your loaves long, or cream in your buns, hot bread kitchen is number one" (copyright white slice and wholmeal)

Interesting day today

2011-02-05T19:00:00.002+13:00

Yes, I am in fact going to start with a very lame header. Honestly? I can't remember half of it. It's been very hot, and I have had a headache all day. Silly migraine. Well, I would like to thank the Migraine Deity for not giving my one of the really bad ones today. I just feel like my head is full of cotton wool.

So, that's a quote (for all you uncultured swine out there.. I jokes, I'm sure you aren't swine even if you haven't read it or soon the TV series) from Pride and Prejudice. Almost every girl or woman who has read that book must've had their hearts beat wildly at this part of the book. Mr Darcy is quite the heart throb, but to all you ladies out there let me tell you: Mr Darcy may have been wonderful, but his actions at the beginning were.. less than nice. I'm glad my Better-Than-Mr-Darcy (also referred to as Wholemeal) was never cruel, mean or, for some time, nearly destroyed the happiness of my eldest sister. Technically, he could never have done thing to me; I have no sisters.

This is the cutest thing ever. First things first: I'm not the only one wondering "how in the heck did that zebra get up there?". The reason why I like this picture was because it reminds me of this. That link there is to the cutest part of Ponyo. Sure, it's anime, but who doesn't love a good Hayao Miyazaki film? All of them are adorable, well made and awesomely awesome. I'm totally going to make Wholemeal watch all of them. Or he can get them and bring them here when he eventually gets back for that thing that they call summer all the way over there. Yes. THERE.

Aren't these two the cutest? Mr and Mrs Shaker. Salt and Pepper. So cute. I dont know if they are shakers or not, but that doesnt make them any less cute either way. Was listening to the BBC World Service earlier today and there was this conversation thing going on that I caught the tail end of. They were talking about pressures to have a family, the difficulties it creates with art and other things. I can say that there are those who are unhappily married, happily married, happy singles and unhappy single people. The thing is that happiness is a matter of personal outlook. If there's something that makes you unhappy, change it. If you have no control of it, let it go. Life comes and goes and there's just you. You can have that special person to stand next to to pass the time, and the best thing is to have that one person to share everything with. That person, however, must be as equally wanting to be there as you. What I mean is that they should love you, and you them. Always have something true, something worthwhile. If you don't, then you're just wasting your time.

Lastly, the awesomest word I've come across lately. Look at the dictionary. Look at the end of the letter E. Add an "S" before every word that begins with "EX". Hours of fun. Have your friends around and say things all sleazy and make funy faces. Like i said, hours of fun. It may actually just bea few minutes, but hey, the memories will last a lifetime. Wholemeal introduced me to this concept. I'd never thought about it before. Also the word made more of an impact because I've been feeling... less than awesome. Yes, I'm lazy. yes, I dont like "working out". Why? I feel stupid doing random things in a room with a whole bunch of fit people. I don't have the most time, and I dont really care. I eat healthy, sure I treat/spoil myself with the occasional up noodle or chocolate bar, but I'm not crossing over into any danger zone. I've been like this for a few years now. I've got my little-big belly that many make the "omg its like a pillow!" comment that makes me go "yes, Im handy to have around". I'm nicer to hug because of the soft-padding. I'm not uber unfit. I can walk for ages if my shoes allow. I'm not weak.

Teh Ends :)

so i lied when i used the word "realist"

2011-02-02T10:51:00.002+13:00

im not. honestly, im a pessimist but i guess all that was my stupid childishness.. or was it? i used to tell myself that i wanted to get married as soon as a could, have a child to be there with me when i inevitably got divorced. divorce became a fact of life for me. i see it everywhere and it makes me sad. i never expected a relationship to be everything but perfect. i guessed that there will always be things to sort out and fights but... ive seen something else these past 7 months.

sure, its so different from other relationships, with distance and missing someone so much that you might explode whenever you see that your hand is all alone. not a single fight in this time, feeling so happy whenever he crosses my mind. never having to say anything to each other, but smiling so much by just seeing his face. having someone to talk to, about anything, all the time, even if its the silliest, smallest thing. i may be negative about a lot of things, but not this.. this realism is optimism without exaggeration. :)

ive been busy

2011-01-31T10:10:00.002+13:00

so. there has been a lot of doing stuff, with work and trying to keep up with everything else. school is rushing forward and by school i mean uni... and im so tired. im going to have another cup of tea.

i also got a new phone. its fancy. i barely know how to use it. but its fancy. so yes.

cheery bye :)

Im tired...

2011-01-25T09:20:00.002+13:00

Well, I want to blog. Im watching Paper Heart.. yes, I dont know if i can stand michael cera or the yi chick, but the little bits wit the dolls and stuff is uber cute

aw silly comics.. its not mine, clearly, but i loved it when i saw it. im really... yes. im busy with stuff, and the only drawings that im doing is work .. its odd. Well, not work yet, but i hope it will be.

ponyo! look at the pretty picture :) makes me miss wholemeal. mostly cuz i made him watch the movie. of course he thought it was adorable and stuff, and i think his favourite part was the head-hugging one. heheh.. that movie was too cute.

you want to know whats wrong with the above picture? its a skinny body. its annoying. its like suuuuuuuure, youre totes fat fuckwit(!). annoying. yes.
and to end, a kwoot puppy. max is home more. im happy. so yes. cheery bye. :)

across the universe

2011-01-24T19:48:00.002+13:00

so i was watching it, well, am watching the end again because my mam dearest missed the end. i always feel so sad when (SPOILERS!) the little boy dies and when strawberry fields forever is playing. I get sad. Yes. So... had a long day today. (then again, the movie has been out for ages, so spoiler period is over)..

Worked at the office all morning, did errand things, came home and felt tired. then ma got back and my cursing the uni that wholemeal goes to because hes got so much on his plate. occasionally i felt terrible for not being there to support him properly.. but I try my best here and i know that our relationship is much better than some of those who have the luxury of being the same country, the same city, the same neighborhood, street or whatever.

Will have a long busy week. It sucks looking at my week planner and going "oh my god. i have to meet my friend to discuss work? Why is this happening so early?" but i cant help it. i got so angry today at all the people in suva who dont care about others, who dont care about the state of our country and those who dont want to know about the struggles of the voiceless, the oppressed, the tired. We build stereotypes in our head. we tell ourselves that "women dont have interest in media". Thats all nonsense. What women talked herself down? We shouldnt pity her, but try to raise her up. She was taught to be this way by some twisted society. We should try to make the media more accessible for her, in a format that she would understand because of the limitations forced on her by her situation. we shouldnt give up, put her in a box and forget about her. its because of this terrible box putting that our poor country is the way it is. It seems that we're too lazy to think otherwise, do the honorable thing, to do the right thing.

Who am i to talk? Just some stupid teenager, waiting for revolt, an uprising. We sit and complain about the state that we're in, but do nothing. We dont think of the solution. We ponder the problem and never try to do anything to solve it ourselves. what example are we setting?

tra-freaken-la-la-la

2011-01-19T14:04:00.002+13:00

hello there.

im lazy :)

here are the rest of the doodles i did.. a few days back.

i didnt put them up straight away because im silly. have been very busy lately. so yes. i also painted my nails recently. why is this news?

well. i decided that i can be hardcore and girly. so today, i put on a skirt, my favourite blue teeshirt from the hard rock cafe in nadi, my xmas sandals, an ankle which makes jingly sounds and enjoyed the fact that my toenails were black and white and my fingernails pink and purple. i think wholemeal would be proud. my ma too. growing up means sometimes pretending that youre just like your baby cousin; fearless and fun when it comes to what one wears. too bad i dont have a tiara :P peace out ^^

lazy :D

2011-01-14T11:53:00.002+13:00

this movie was too cute..

So Im lazy to do work. Im tired. I dont know why. Ive drawn a whole page; penciled, inked.. but im scared to colour it. Im also bothered by the people in my house. I have TLOTR though. so Ill watch that.

blowing out candles is srs business

If you havent picked up, i dont think ive mentioned by wholemeal went back. it was his first day back at uni today. im jealous that he gets to be in a place covered in snow. but its ok. its cold here too.

dios de los muertos? is that how its spelt? so purty :)

Im tired. More wasabi peas for me. Im hungry still. I wish there were noodles at home. I wonder why all these bits feel like texts. I thnk ive forgotten how to write.

i am not a ninja. i couldnt handle the solitude.

Okay. Food time :) Cheery bye. Expect another update with a doodle :D

fuck that. whats he doing playing games when youre prolly lonely (is why texting ya?).

one of four!

2011-01-13T19:10:00.001+13:00

so, ive been doing some random doodles, each being something not at all related to the next. There are four, but because im lazy, i shall but them in one by one. This is one of them :)

i know i had promised colour

2011-01-11T17:52:00.002+13:00

and eventually you will get it. the thing is, i usually use my netbook to do things. I dont care how horrible it is or how slow, it's mine and that's why i use it. and i have been drawing and stuff... a lot. but this is on paper and the scanner is connected to my brother's slack pc. i will eventually have stuff up, but in the meantime.. i leave you with this smiley face

you're welcome.

growing up pains

2011-01-07T19:27:00.002+13:00

"freedom comes slowly at first" - Brian Keenan, An Evil Cradling. I probably mentioned earlier how grateful i am to my mother and the freedom she had allowed while wholemeal is here. I use "had" because... well.. the was a thing that happened (seriously not serious at all) and a communication fallout, as i do because im terrible at things. i recently got my IB results and got a 31 (out of 45), which i do feel proud of. sure, it's not uber impressive, but i managed that and did a whole bunch of other stuff too. It was also a seriously important two years for me. I stopped with the smoking, i had to question what i wanted, i dealt with a whole bunch of my own silly personal issues, and while keeping with the NGO work, I met wholemeal. The funny thing about my school results were that they improved in the forth and final semester, after i met him. but there are a few things that i had to realise and accept to actually "grow up".

I used to lie half in and half out of reality. I loved daydreaming, which would usually be the way i would develop the core stories for my silly comic story-lines. I would learn from TV and movies, and always figured that things would work out like they do in movies and books and things. This is not true. In movies, there may be young love and all sorts of things, but theres hardly any mention of family troubles or involvement or responsibilities or anything like that. I never understood what it would mean to manage a home until i moved in with my ma. sure, people would take about getting a job then moving in with their friends, but what about the family youre moving away from? would the new job be enough to cover rent, let alone be enough for bills and groceries and money for outings and stuff, not to mention put aside as savings. it makes my brain hurt.

sometimes i can be selfish and just want to leave home to get away from it all. to hide with wholemeal. the thing is, he wouldnt really let me. i wouldnt let me do something like that. my family is important to me. how they feel and what they do is something important to me. sure, i worry that i'd let them down. i worry that how i do in school will disappoint them. i worry that i wont do well enough with gen next or at the y. i worry that im not doing enough for them. i do know that how i feel about im doing ultimately should be the final thing (im a little lost for words), but.. how they feel contributes to it all. i do feel like im rambling on a little, and im probably not making too much sense right now.. but i think all i want to say.. not really admit, but something between the two, is that im at that stage in my life (haha dont i sound like a drama queen..) where all i want to do it throw myself off the cliff rather than scale down it carefully, with my harness securely fastened. "freedom comes slowly". one must never forget. there is a time for everything. patience is the skill and seizing the opportunity is something one should never regret.

doodling

2011-01-06T10:15:00.004+13:00

Guess who's doodling!! Hi there internet.. sorry bout the total uber lack of updating. Im not dead, in a coma or have retired the blog (because there wouldve been a long weepy post followed by an apologetic one if the blog was retired), i've just been busy trying to cram things into my day :) so have a page of stuff i was doing yesterday. Im lazy to put everything and who knows, maybe ill do something in COLOUR today (le gasp!). catchyaontehflipside internets :)\

also.. i know it's late but... HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

Merry Christmas-Public-Holiday!

2010-12-27T20:54:00.002+13:00

So today, the 27th, is the public holiday for christmas (which, i must admit sortve dies after puberty, because then you start to realise where the presents come from. they also start to slowly decrease in awesome because you know where they come from. either that or im just terrified people wont like the presents i get them, so I dont pay too much attention to my gifts...). Christmas-week was.. interesting. i went to church a lot. on tuesday, midnight mass on friday, saturday morning for christmas day and the usual sunday church. was... awesome? im joking. dont worry, this isnt a hate on jesus post. for one thing, i dont hate jesus. hate is also a strong word. i like the idea of christianity. it makes sense. thing is, its the same for most religions. love thy neighbor and always be on best behaviour...sort of thing... i think. Im a bit tired you see.

Well, wholemeal is back, and my ma is being super awesome about everything. im really grateful for letting us hang out, and letting him come around sometimes. its nice have people who are important to you get along. well.. the getting along where she doesnt mind him too much. except when he's retarded and comes over at 2am. ah well. im happy, he's happy.. and i hope my ma is happy.. but.. things are a little rocky, considering her state (which isnt as bad as it couldve been, but its not perfect. and i do try my best to take care of things, esp to do things when she asks..).

also, cant wait for uni. i might just end up feeling like a real boy! hahah.... im joking. im a girl. with girl parts. sometimes its sucky because, thanks to my girl parts, i get tired and hungry and sick and moody and hurt. but the rest of the time it's ok, because that means i dont get into fights. often. usually. and stuff.

Lastly, the highlight of today was being reminded by someone who i dont really know of the book i wrote a few years ago. yes. i wrote a book. it was sort of odd, with an anti-emo vibe that i wrote because i felt like my art style wasnt ready. i did develop the stroy through my art though, drawing the characters and having them do things together and whatnot. in short, its a recycled story, probably not very original.. but.. i wish i could pick it up again. i might. i think i'll get going now. merry christmas, happy new year and watch this space for hopeless random things :)

300th Post!

2010-12-20T16:02:00.002+13:00

So yes. To kind of celebrate christmas and relive the awesomeness that is Burton, I got the soundtrack for the nightmare for christmas as well as convinced wholemeal to bring it as he comes back of the holiday break :) I am very excited and happy. Its been around four or five months of him being over there. Its had its ups and downs and now i can finally hug him and smack him upside the head when he's silly, instead of just telling him that i would if i were there. lets see... what else is there to share?

nothing much really. youtube had decided that it refuses to work on my computer, Im half broke from shopping for xmas stuff and things, but i also scored a deposit on some pants which are purple AND have elephants on them! i got elephant earrings yesterday and a few weeks back i scored a bracelet with back beads and silver elephants. i am addicted to those awesome animals.

nothing much else, apart from cramps and hunger. im tired so im going to have a rest now. catchaontehflipside internets! :D

Bit of a Drama Queen

2010-12-19T15:26:00.002+13:00

That's what I am. I can admit that on occasion, too frequent to be proud of, I have a drama queen moment. I overthink and i scare myself and end up crying or having a reaction that would be a little.. excessive. I mean, doesnt everyone from time to time act out a little bit too much? From missing wholemeal to missing tron, i tend to lose it a little too quickly. the cause of it all? Sometimes it's all thanks to our lovely friend, the monthly visitor, other times it's hunger, heat, dehydration or tiredness. Im going to roll around hating cramps and be close friends with this very expensive cup of noodles. cheery bye! proper update when i dont feel somewhat nauseous.

Hm, now what?

2010-12-10T14:31:00.002+13:00

I finished (basically) harvest moon. Sure, my dog is yet to grow out of being a puppy, and ive yet to get those things that make cheese and yarn and stuff, but ive upgraded all the buildings in my farm, successfully fixed rick and I really cant be bothered to do much else. Sure, I’ll keep playing for the validation, and because I get bored easily, but I’m pretty proud of that fact that I got married before my second winter :P so yeeees.

Long week is long. Ive had to get up early, change and have a morning walk with my ma every day. She wants to get fit, and .. well.. I know im not the fittest one in the room. ive got my little round belly and big thighs and the general whassits to balance everything out. I cant help but give up sometimes.

Ah well. Also, I suggest everyone listens to goodbye rocketship by children collide. Its terribly awesome. That is to say that it has a mix to my liking of chillness, odd vocals that fit and the trippy factor. I really like it.

On a positive note, my ma is doing very well. Her mastectomy recovery is going good, and she refuses to stay home now her tubes are out. Its good. I try to help out, especially with the changing of gears and the handbrake when she drives, and stuff.

Anyway, my friends are flying the coop, growing up and leaving the country. Ill miss the crazy sons and daughters of bitches (a side note: they all aren’t leaving, well.. not yet anyway), but on the upside, wholemeal will be back soon J so it’s all going well. Cheery bye! :D

to die by your side...

2010-12-03T13:26:00.002+13:00

is such a heavenly way to die.. The Smiths with There is a light that never goes out. good song. So, i sorted out most of my stuff that was lying around. I have this desk, you see, and until about an hour ago, it was covered in stuff. I have drawers on one side of this desk. These drawers, until about longer than an hour ago, were full of rubbish. I sorted out the problem, now i have things in good places with the top drawer full of wires and worky-stuff and the lower drawer with some random bobby-things, hairties and my makeup. yes. I have makeup now. Makeup and in powder things, eyeshadow, lippythings and other things to fix my physical appearance. things as in tweezers and stuff like that. so everything had a nice, proper place and tonight my clothes drawers and stuff will be sorted out. i need to throw out all my school stuff. YAY I GRADUATED YAY ME! :) im so awesome. i also have a pipe. i am hardcore. i saw it for $4, and was like /roll need. so now im awesomer, and am going to have a lie down, make roti and go to my first YWCA executive council meeting. :D also, my school ball is tomorrow. yay for being uber senior and going to the ball ^^ yes, on my own. because i can.

thankyou :)

2010-11-27T19:38:00.002+13:00

a big big thankyou to those who commented and made me feel... so so appreciated. writing is something ive never really been... acknowledged for. Im an average english student, but it is something that i like to do. And speaking of writing, im working on a little something for wholemeal for him when he gets back next month. What is it? Hmm, maybe i wont say here, because i kind of want it to be a surprise, but what i say to hint at what it may be is to say that its a story, a cutesy one that wouldve made me laugh myself silly if i hadnt ever met him, but let's just say its me experimenting with what i want to do with my life. I wonder if that sentence made sense. Oh well :D

So. I've re-realised that im a terrible person. i tend to make fun of people in my head sometimes. This is usually when im alone. The thing is, im a somewhat odd person. I can say very mean things, usually about someones appearance or behaviour, and the next second, id be apologising over and over again. This is not only for people... but inanimate objects too. In one day, i made fun of a "gangsta" dude with a manly pink bag, a christmas tree and a very large person wearing a scarf (i laughed cuz... well.. the persons.."chin" was keeping their neck warm.. they didnt really need the scarf..).

anyway. yes. going to be a hectic week, so maybe not too much blogging. There may be snippets of wholemeals present, but yea. who knows? cheery bye and, again, thank you all :D

so.

2010-11-25T15:11:00.003+13:00

A blog isnt really what i want to write, is it? I mean, I worry sometimes. I dont know what exactly is and is not appropriate. I wonder why I put things out there if next to no one reads it.. but if you do, i am eternally grateful. I wonder if what i write is interesting, pointless or just plain negh (negh meaning that it isnt interesting in any way shape or form).

Why Im worrying about this, although worrying isnt the proper word i suppose, is because Im thinking about what i put on this blog and what i tell most people. The way to hide some things best is to put it in plain sight. So, when there isnt anyone physically around that i can feel like i can talk to, i write things down or put them on my blog. I do feel like its.. less than healthy, i guess, to bottle things up, so writing is one way to get some things out of my head. I know I have people to talk to, my friends, family and wholemeal.. but.. you see.. there are some things i dont want to say out loud. Most of those things are put on paper rather than on the blog.

I know, I know, another one of those odd, odd blog posts. But.. I guess its a general explanation for the oddity that is my blog. Well, more of an apology. /shrug.

apologies for the last post..

2010-11-25T12:34:00.002+13:00

So the first image is of the little ganesh my ma got us, well.. got given in argentina. the idea of ganesh as remover of obstacles comforts me. Ive never been much for praying, so its not as if im praying to a statue or to Ganesh, but i do believe in ideas. Theyre the strongest force out there and they always comfort me. Its like all those sad books about people surviving horrible things. This thing that comforts me is knowing that if that person could survive something that what they did, that i should be fine. We as humankind should be fine.

We brought my art pieces home yesterday. The picture is of my favourite panel off my last piece. It was a board with panels sortve like a really big comic. The panel is meant to be a young me thinking "I wasnt sure what a family was supposed to be". the piece as a whole was dedicated to my dad. I guess i used as a way to deal with some of the stupid thoughts i get. I think it helped :)

And finally, a little bit more of Ganesh. I drew him, with the help of google images and a little bit of aimlessness with the colouring. its not perfect, i kept the pencil on the paper and i inked it loosely and lined it all with a thin marker just as loose. I needed to keep my hands busy and felt like trying to draw ganesh. so i did. Note the lack of emoness in the post. its mostly because im in pain and need to crawl into a comfy position with a hot warm bottle and read something. cheery bye internets! :D

Thisll be all text.. apart from Ganesh.

2010-11-24T17:06:00.003+13:00

So Im feeling... very tired. There are several factors affecting this. The first is the uber lame one : i got my period today. Im sorry, internet, but i dont really give a fuck who knows. I guess all i really want to do is stick my head in my toilet and wait out the nausea, sleep all the day and not move until the cramps go away. But instead, i have to get up, exercise off all the uber fatness (ok, its not too bad, but im nearing the 65 kg mark and i really need to lose some of it...i am kinda tiny in general) and deal with life.

Another thing making feel really crappy is the people at school. They didnt do anything wrong, but i just feel kinda.. different. dont want to spend $6 to get there and go back home again to discuss stuff i dont really give a shit about right now, and i can barely afford anything. Im sick of that place. I want to leave it. It's mostly rich kids who more or less dont give a damn about their families (a lot i know do, though) and most of them probably dont know how to look after goldfish on their own let alone themselves... again, i feel half bad about these generalisations but.. Im sick of petty, sick of superficial, sick of drama-llamas and sick to death of beautiful people who arent really sure about the real world, the world out of that box. Im sure theyll do great though, they have good board to dive off into, and theyll probably have all the support they need.. but... these past two years have killed the idea of the easy life. There's no such thing. You have to give up your soul, time, dreams to have something close to easy; to be financially stable.

Im also feeling a little pressured at work. Ive been out of the groove for a long long time, and thats because of school, but my spark is gone. i dont know what to do, I dont feel like i should know what im doing. i feel like im back at square 1, where i dont ask anything and i just do what im told. I dont know, i'll ride it out and see what happens in the next few days.

And... my family. I love them, but.. this thing with ma, my head hurts from learning what the doctors mean when they say things, what operations are what, what treatments do what and everything.. and.. well.. my dad scars are hurting again. When i found out about the cancer, i wanted to get angry. I wanted to scream at the universe and curse it for threatening to take the parent i have left away. I was also terrified of losing ma, because i dont want her not to be there for all the important parts of my life; any children, a marriage, a home of my own, a good job, graduation, etc etc.. because thats what i hurt most about when it comes to dad, next to my guilt of not being there for him. Also.. things were said about dads condition before he died, and i felt horrible and hurt because i was never told anything about it. All i know was that it was his heart. Thats it. Internet, have you evr seen your loved one, cold and gone, on a hospital bed? Youd look at them, and know for a fact that its not them. The life is gone. Its just a shell. Its the point at which everything starts to fall apart.

So im sorry about the downer post. I need to put these thoughts and feelings somewhere so i dont explode. Wholemeal is out, and i dont feel like killing the buzz. Oh well.. hehe.. im going to put a happy pic to kill the sads. Well.. its ganesh. Whos awesome. I have it as my wallpaper and i also have a tiny little statue thing of him. myes :)

p.s. sorry for any typos or missing words, im a little tired...

HOLYS**TSONIMDONE

2010-11-20T11:48:00.003+13:00

So. Im done with high school! well proper anyway. I won IB, i have a prelimary place at USP, im happy. apart from some stuff thats going wrong in general. No, im still with wholemeal.. but.. well.. idk if this should be here but my mam has breast cancer. it sucks. its early stages yet, and hasnt spread anywhere else, but it still isnt somethign anyone wants to happen. ah well.. i love you ma <3>

Oh my gawd, im never going to have maths again... damn. anyway, i plan on filling my days by filling a scrap book with recipes and stuff. because im hardcore. i might also need to develop a liking of prawns and learn how to make them into curry. damn. ah well.. guess ill have to anyway :P

Naw poor saturn, prolly stuck in an arranged marriage. Anyway, yes. Im at work, and im very glad to be back. i love sitting at the console, feeling uber important, and just doing my job. im also very excited to get back into program making. i missed it so much. so yea. im going to have to run across the room now ^^

POKEMANS! anyway.. yes. so nothing much has gone down.. apart from a few freak out, many long skype talks about nest to nothing, and several facewall days, and there have been many many long hours spent with my face next to my netbook screen as i play harvest moon. well, the more friends of mineral town one. because i want to play a chick, and i managted to nearly fix both the sad guy and the chicken farm guy :) im so awesome ^^ and i have the fixing skills :P just ask wholemeal ^^ WHOLMEAL WHO OWES THIS BLOG A POEM in case he's reading. hopeless silly boy who i cant get over :) and just a side note, thank you IMGFAV :D you make my day sometimes ^^

HolySmokes Thursday

2010-11-01T17:05:00.003+13:00

So this has been happening to me a lot.. the missing that is. However a little more than a month and then he'll be back for me to drag around places that no one else will go with me, to keep me company in cabs and to shake his head when i order my 3rd coffee of the day. So yeah, Exams start, for me, on thursday afternoon with the worlds awesomest subject, imo, mathematics. Ive had an awesome teacher, and ive always loved the logic and the certainty of it all... lame? maybe but i really couldnt care less :)

So.. i had a really dark moment yesterday.. I crashed, burned, sent the worlds most emo email ever to Wholemeal, cried and was ever so close to facewalling, but then i fell asleep. the cause? its all me really. I tend to put myself down when im.. idk.. let down isnt the word, but i gues swhen things dont sort out the way theyre supposed to. the wont bore you with the details, im just going to share what i learnt from that experience.

The greatest critic in our lives are ourselves. Unless we believe it when people put us down, it wont affect us. and to put ourselves down is the worst thing that can ever happen. I know im not exactly the worlds greatest person, but im an ok chick. there wasnt anyone else to tell me to calm down but him.. its odd in a way that hes the only one id believe. my family are biased.. but honestly to have someone, who cares when he doesnt have to, who points out the best things about you, and he worst things he'll tell you arent really bad or he tries to help you overcome those things. its nice, better than anything i could ever hope for or ask for.. and i know that thats why i dont care about the distance. :)

alrighty then. Serious panicking is over, the locking down and nailing self to desk to study has started. i have 3 weeks before im done with high school. Im so excited, but i have been warned that at the end of it all, its anti-climatic... english teachers really know how to make your day, dont they? :P Im being silly.. and to clear things up, it was my english teacher that told me that the end was going to be anitclimatic. she told her whole class (around 10 people). i guess its her way of caring :P alrighty, see ya round internets :)

Why would you do this to me Will Smith?

2010-10-29T12:51:00.003+13:00

mooooovie O_O

I know, I know... Im the last one to watch I Am Legend, but that didnt make it any less heart-wrenching. I love dogs, and German Shepherds will always have a place in my heart, and i cried so much in fear of what would happen to Sam... (thats will smiths dogs name). I read half the wiki article, so was very lost halfway through. I was crying like nobodys business, squealing because im easily scared and the zombie-things were relatively terrifying (thank god teh movie is old and the CGI isnt as good as it would be if the movie was more recent..). I know I should be studying, but.. I got hungry and had some breakfast, watched I Robot, then found I Am Legend and thought "hey.. people say this is a good movie... but sad... hmmm... let me see how good it is". So am watching Under The Red Hood to make me happier, and to keep me company while I eat this reheated leftovers from what mightve been Wednesday. I cant remember. So yeeeees... Ill probably look over some physics later today.. or try at least. /shrug. Alrighty then.. less crying, more nomming! :D

daww lookit the puppy :)

treating myself :)

2010-10-28T15:55:00.002+13:00

To treat myself for analysing an extract of prose, I took a photo, and make it into this. im in love with illustrator. sorry wholemeal, but you cant make my pixels into vectors :P so yeeeees. i think im getting the hang of this study thing... a little too late? psh. i have two weeks before the english exam, and one to my first exam, my favourite subject... yes, mathematics :)

Playing with illustrator and flash..

2010-10-28T11:58:00.002+13:00

I had drawn my face on a little mirror, so photo'd it, then flash-lined, then illustrator played. all done with a mouse so.. yeah... is difficult.. and yes, avoidance activity..

talking bout a pie of cute ...

2010-10-27T16:18:00.000+13:00

Wholemeal <3

heheh guising work :)

2010-10-27T14:05:00.001+13:00

Ever so long...

2010-10-25T22:32:00.002+13:00

Yes, i know, i havent blogged in a long while.. but i have fair reason.. i have exams coming up, and ive been very busy finishing high school and being ever so caught up on Wholemeal, its just been a very long couple of weeks... Guess what? Tomorrow is our 4 months, and apparently its lame when you count the months (should be years or something but im still getting used to the idea of having someone who makes me so happy, let alone counting years) but what others think and feel doesnt bother me. Sure, i care how my family are affected, but.. im allowed happiness right? i know i have to keep things in perspective, focus on these last four weeks and do well with my exams, but the hardest thing right now is just telling myself that i need to do these things for myself. I know i owe so much to my family for all their love and support... i know that, but i feel like a douche for feeling like i cant say these things out loud, to them. im scared they wont believe me because of how much ive messed up, how often ive forgotten which way im supposed to go. i know i have to make practical decisions, but sometimes i just want to give up aiming for a job that makes me the right amount of money and just.. aim for what i want to do. Yes, comics and books and drawings are so incredibly impractical, and isnt it a good thing that i know that? oh well... i know this probably doesnt make any sense whatsoever, so im just going to put another picture to finish this all off. I cant promise any more blogging until after exams... so yeah. Just putting that out there. Peace ? :)

Holidays nearly over :(

2010-10-11T19:16:00.003+12:00

Silly holidays, all wanting to be over to spoil my laziness. been eating waaay too much. i cant help it: food is good, and i have a lot of relatively free time. I also found out just how much i depend on the internet... i need it to pass the time (honestly i dont, it just makes time passing easier) and i dont like not being able to easily communicate with certain people (like wholemeal...). sure sure, call me lame or whipped or hopeless but i dont care. it's nice having someone and whats the point of life if you dont have that person to share it with. i mean, sure there will always be families and friends (however these seem to be dwindling for me at the moment...) but its not the same (im too lazy to punctuate tyvm). So dinner soon and hopefully i wont die or explode. ah well, a little extra tummy is good for an emergency pillow imo. is handy and whatnot. or something. idk. just trying to feel better. :)

Catching Up.

2010-10-09T13:55:00.002+12:00

Hey! Long time no blog! Ive had holidays, and my internet at home is still of the buggered up. What have I been up to? Oh, nothing much really. Just the usual: going to school, remaking songs from Annie all impromptu like, playing minecraft and saying inappropriate things about boobs. and the like :)

So yea, i have a few weeks of real school left before the big exams and guess whos terrified? Thats right! I am! /sigh. I just cant wait for it to be all over. That would be nice :)

So yes, i have still be drawing, the last thing i did was Wholemeal in a pink princess dress taking a stroll to get out of his peanut butter castle while being accompanied by unicorns and rainbows and butterflies. I think i need to sleep a lot more :P alrighty then. I guess I better get back to work! cheery bye!

Long time no blog!

2010-09-26T12:14:00.002+12:00

Hey internet, hows it going? Ive been busy and my internet has been incredibly gay. That is to say that my internet will neither let me look at nor update my blog. It is lame. So, very many sorries for the lack of Fifi action. Oh and guess what i found out? Someone i had to talk to, all to his face and whatnot, figured I as retarded and wrote essays like a blond, until he remembered that he had read my blog. Ergo, there was an element of shame on my part. Real people arent supposed to real this nonsense are they?

So its term break. But that also means morning french and wonderful extra mathematics :D Yes, im hopelessly lame an am looking forward to getting to do extra maths. Shoot me now, if youd like :) And... I guess... I dont have much to say. Ive had school, ive been sleeping... and oh, i watched all of the first season of glee yesterday when was buggering about at home. I was bored, it was there and it was something i could sleep to. Yay aimless rolling about on the couch doing nothing. I should seriously go do something useful. Yeah. Cheery-bye :)

So yeeeees... :)

2010-09-15T23:00:00.003+12:00

Hi there! guess who is going to sleep? I would also like to tell the internet that they should really re-watch role models and superbad. That's because they are awesome movies. Paul Rudd is also very awesome.

So so so... I guess I dont have anything to say really. Im going to have a lot of studying ahead because the real exams are coming up. Yay exams(!) Okay, ready set, final picture! I hope you, the internet, has a good time. Also, wholemeal is awesome :)

trippy yeeeet?

2010-09-12T11:59:00.003+12:00

Playing around with the box thing... and filters and colour things....

was going for alien abductions crossed with yellow submarine and a touch of alice in wonderland.
with some tentacles.

drawings!

2010-09-12T08:11:00.003+12:00

i made sommat cute :)

something trippy for wholemeal :)

Make up post

2010-09-11T09:47:00.002+12:00

So yeah, hi! I did, while doing avoidance activities, try to update my silly blog, but my computer wouldnt load blogger :( so i had a sad then was like "meh, is ok". I have been drawing, but those updates will come later.. So this is simply like one of those make-up posts because of all the missing out ive been doing... much like makeup sex after a fight! (im just assuming, i really have no idea.. im just trying to tie into the next image)

So yes... i guess i really dont have much to say. Ive finished mocks, which means i have monday relatively free, but will muck about anyway... had uhm... a stellar time last night. This means that i tried my hardest to have fun inbetween the shame imposed by adult people mixed with my tiredness from end of exams. Silly wholemeal wasnt even online after that because he was sleeping... the nerve of some people... (im just joking, but timezones are still a bitch). Now a goggie picture :D good luck to me for work! GOOD LUCK TO MEEeeee!

mocks - overrrr!

2010-09-11T07:23:00.001+12:00

good morning internets.
just letting y'all know i havent died.
i might just go back to sleep. :)

Have some Fifi. She is wise.

2010-09-04T12:30:00.000+12:00

Hey look! Ive been drawing

2010-09-02T17:40:00.002+12:00

its a bearded dude with a bag lol

Hey internet. Ive been drawing instead of studying like a maniac. Pardon? Is that you all asking "why havent you been studying?" Well, sillies, I have so dont worry. Maybe not as much as I should, but when my head hurts I take a nurofen and stare at the ceiling.

can to spot the "special words"? :)

So i have hidden words in the second drawing, which is dedicated to a certain special someone. I see mr bunbuns, albies wrist cushion thing, not to mention a rubbish bin, a candle, a pencil and A YELLOW SUBMARINE FUCK YEAH. heheh :)

Oh my goodness a sugar inspired fifi comic :)

So yes, Ive been drawing fifi all over my french books because shes the cutest little thing ever. I dont regret trying to draw cats. Theyre awesome. Im not exactly a cat person, but i do like them because theyre soft and fluffy and cute all round. like babies. I dont like them per se, but i think theyre cute as anything. ... That doesnt make sense, does it? Oh well :D

I count three open mouths :O

So, Thats all I have for y'all. Its almost designated eating time, so I better throw some soup in my tummy, and then drink me a cuppa to study. Oh, did i tell yall, I managed to stop drinking coffee :) Yay me? hehe, prolly.

Oh noes guess what starts tomorrow!!

2010-09-01T15:45:00.002+12:00

Mocks start tomorrow. But the thing is, I dont have any exams tomorrow, so thats a relief. Its been rainy and cold, so Im treating myself to some noodles to keep self warm. Ive been a little sad lately, and surprisingly it has nothing to do with Wholemeal. Im really missing my dad. Its fathers day on Sunday. So is lame that I cant really... celebrate it, so to speak.

So am a little worried about exams. But I have been studying, and will continue to do studies. But for now, I will sit on the couch, eat, make dinner, watch a movie and miss wholemeal and my daddy. I had to update because Milkshake told me to. Nothing much has happened and Im scared my blog is going to get all boring. I WILL SOON POST DRAWINGS... once i actually draw. yeah :)\

Sans pictures today.

2010-08-27T10:45:00.004+12:00

Hey there. I'm okay, thanks for asking. I have impending exams and as a result I don’t have energy or time to do anything that has nothing to do with school. This blog has nothing much to do with school. In fact, it’s possible that the amount that I update could be inversely proportional to how well I’ll do in my mocks. Technically, my mocks are uber important, and I really need to make sure I do well.

Something is bothering me at the moment. I drew a Fifi in the common room today above the words “I win”. I went to the back room, where it was, and looked up to find it and found that it had been rubbed out by the guys who have claimed the back room as theirs. It kind of hurt my feelings that they’d do retarded things like thumbtack a banana peel to the wall, and put up some retarded writing (horrible content, horrendously misspelled things, etc) and people leave it there because it’s supposed to be a shared space, we even allowed people to put up a bajillion (more like seven or eight) somewhat annoying pictures of (mostly) random chicks in their undies. I guess it’s my fault for not making it permanent and allowing it to be removed, or whatever, but… if it was such an eyesore, I’d like to be notified that my Fifi was getting removed, rather than just seeing the space empty with no suggestion apart from a blue smudge that something had been there.

On a lighter note, I found Africa. I gave it to Wholemeal who had not favorably responded to the loss of “his” country. I have it now, hanging around my neck to make myself miss him a little less. I don’t know if it’ll work, but it’s a good idea, ya?

So I guess I better get back to my school work, and I’m sure that whoever is reading this is probably like “wha-?” because I’m not sure if anything will really make sense.. I’m just kind of missing my Fifi and Wholemeal. But now I need to get ready for an English assessment thing. Woot(!)

Wholemeals Ideas

2010-08-22T21:36:00.002+12:00

2. something (a person in heart-print boxers) posing in front of a tank

So.. tonight I was a-talking to wholemeal and he was going on about how he missed Fifi being part of the blog, and then I drew her for him. Then I drew her with a Hilter 'stache... which was probably his idea. Then I asked for more ideas for drawing things, so he said to do : 1. a sitting cat with a che guevara hat, 2. something happening in front of a tank, 3. something to reflect how society, mindlessly removes what is said to be "unacceptable" (for example people getting rid of graffiti despite it being awesome looking and whatnot). Well, at least thats what I think 3 was supposed to be...

3. society and their mindless opposition to graffiti

I had fun doing these, and yes I did use the magic of Google for reference pictures of Che's hat, a cat sitting up and a tank. I cant draw animals so i needed the picture of the cat, I dont usually draw war-related things and/or vehicles, so that why i googled the tank, and I wanted to be safe with the hat... its an important hat. Overall the cat was my favourite to draw... IDK why yet.. alrighty, nighty night from me :)

1. Fifi, every one's favourite cat as the Sitting Che Cat :D

sunday, sunday, sunday-sunday, sundaaaay

2010-08-22T15:26:00.003+12:00

elephaaaaant :)

So here there everyone! Its Sunday, and Ive only just made a late lunch. I havent eaten it yet... Im not really hungry. But its some grilled chicken with pasta and carrots covered in some tomato-y sauce thing. i had a biggish brunch, so yeah.

naw

So i talked to Wholemeal yesterday. It was nice... I kinda miss him.. like quite a bit, but what I have learnt is the time difference between here and there. I am awesome. Im also very proud of my internet for not committing seppuku while I was using Skype. I was surprised. Okays, I dont have much to talk about, didnt do much, so Im going to bugger about the house now. Kthxbai! :D

naw babeh :D

woot low quality fifi!

2010-08-21T18:24:00.002+12:00

I got to drawing in the last hour of my shift. I can be bothered to turn on PC to scan, so i used webcam to take a picturgraph of it, so yeah... look i made a drawering! :D

I hear that Fifi is being missed

2010-08-21T16:26:00.003+12:00

damn in hungry...

Im sorry... its not entirely my fault... i apologise for not updating with the comics, but Ive had a lot of school stuff going on, and yeah... so Im sorry about that... oh and guess what i realised the other day! I have a boyfriend who lives in the past!! Thats the funny thing about time differences, its almost like time travel if youre awesome enough. Apparently no one believes that he has a girlfriend in the future. Hes so silly. :)

lulz asteroid

So my mam got back recently. Its awesome. That meant that a whole bunch of cool stuff was bound to follow. This time it included : a fancy new dress (which reminded me of the flower girl dress i wore when i was very little with my broken arm), chocolates and pretzel things (that are probably meant to be shared, but Im very hungry all the time now), someone to cook for (finally, i have a reason to be myself again!), as well as someone to make endless cups of tea for. Its nice again :)

it appears it was him time /sniff sniff

Okay, the time that i wrote down all the things i was going to blog about today, i was on my way to work and was amazed by the fact that i had managed to empty my google reader. im one of those silly people who subscribe to image hosting site type things, for blog material if nothing else, and im constantly getting updates. so, with all my silly subscriptions i had managed to empty the reader. i get to work and what do i find? i have 300 more things to look at as of the last 2 hours. stupid sites and their need to update a bajillion pretty looking things at once. damn them.

omg... damn you cake!! making me all hungry aand stuff.... damn yewww

I have one more thing on my list and that is being absolutely terrified this morning. i have this whole foot-knowledge thing, and my feet are usually the first thing i look for when i open my eyes. i looked at my feet this morning and was very confused. Yesterday, chocolate milk painted my nails (it was a first for me) and when i saw my feet i didnt recognise them. The nails are now blue. I might get rid of it later today, so as not to have the same reaction tomorrow morning. Sadly, i woke up from a dream where Wholemeal called me to let me know that he was all good and safe over where he is. He didnt call. He did use facebook though. It made me happy :)

poke-lulz :D

babeh come beck :(

2010-08-20T21:50:00.002+12:00

Im missing Wholemeal. Ah well. I guess Ill just have to wait till hes somewhere with internet or something. Hm... maybe Ill google flight times. /shrug. Sounds sad doesnt it? Me mooning and whatever? Ah well. What can I say? I really really like him. Really.

Ive been spending a lot of school time feeling tired after all (two mornings so far) the working out and stuff. Im not exactly fit and Ive spent a lot of my eating time devoted to eating.. chocolate mostly. I get hungry, its not my fault. and... and... chocolate is awesomely delicious. I cant help it :(

So i guess ill go now. Moon over nothing in particular, and finish this chcoclate bar Im eating. I think I have to go to paddling in the morning. Woot paddling! And other things. I have work and stuff. That means I might post tomorrow as well! le gasp! anyhoos... nighty night from me :D

I made a stencil of my daddy :)

2010-08-17T20:24:00.003+12:00

I made a stencil... but then I folded it and it died. It was all cuz I used it to make this.

I’m writing on the bus again. It’s not my fault the bus is the easiest place to write blog entries. Most of my idle time is spent on buses. Sure, from time to time I’ll end up doing homework or reading the heck damn out of some random class handout and more often then not while listening to the nerdy show and giggling in my head whenever I hear Hex’s voice. Well, I'm proud of the progress with that I'm doing in art. What’s that, you ask?

this is just to keep with the tone of the old epic musings. i kinda miss the emos... lol jks.

It’s basically a comic, a soliloquy with pictures, with the panels stuck onto this board thing with I’ve spray painted onto with the help of a little stencil thing. The stencil is of my father and I. I now smell like spray paint. I hyped up on progress, not to mention the whole getting up early thing. What early thing? Well, I have to get my CAS done, but I'm also sick of telling myself off for not doing anything physically active. As a result, I’ve made friends with my brother’s work person who’s quite nice. :D

yea. chill. like an iceblock.

I saw the sun rise this morning. I was sitting in an outrigger canoe and saw the light change the sky, touching the tops of the clouds and reflecting off the top of the ocean. It was beautiful. It woke me up and I went to school feeling alive and very much in need of a Just Juice. I picked up my favourite kind, Tropical, and went to class and got told by the year-teacher-person that I didn’t usually “glow” like I did this morning. I think I might’ve glowed a little more because of what she said. :D

omg crayon. CRAAAAYON.

So I'm very excited about the Scott Pilgrim movie. I want to see it at least 3 times. This is not like the Kickass “at least such and such times”. I aimed to see it more than once, but no one would go to the movie with me. I had a sad at the time. I guess I very much prefer the comics to the movie. Well, for Kickass anyway. I don’t know about Scott Pilgrim. I haven’t seen the movie yet… /sigh. I can’t wait to. Hmn… I’m getting close to the 400 words thing. I'm scared you’ll lose interest, dearest readers. So yes, fare thee well and hope you stick around. :D

teh end of the post <3

yay 900 :D

2010-08-16T19:47:00.001+12:00

mGood day to y’all. I'm proud of myself and it has got something to do with the kitchen. No, its not as if I got to clean it and make it brand spanking new, all that happened was the fact that I managed to pull off roast pork and chicken. It was Saturday evening, and I managed to make it in such a way that people ate it and said it was nice. I don’t care if they didn’t really like it but I was amazed by the fact I made something edible in my oven. First of all, I cannot, for the life of me, bake properly. I can make cake out of a packet, sure, and sometimes I’d make toasties under the grill, but a roast… I'm proud of myself :)

they are brownies. and they look awesome.

So I went to church on Sunday. Why? Because I can. I went to and then I was listening to the sermon and realized something; iconography is a huge concept. The guy at the lectern was going on about something about Mary being some kind of vessel, and that she was meant not to be glorified or anything. I was just kind of “meh” about the whole thing, because I'm not that into the face of God, and that whole “which person involved in it all is more important” because I really don’t care. I was kind of in a state of “omg I just realized something”; that something being the fact that people tend to blow things out of proportion.

mmmn. french. smexy.

Anyway, I'm out of stress-bits. That is to say that I'm so damn tired of being stressed that I'm just going to calm down and pretend that I know it’ll work out. School is lame and I wish that I didn’t have to deal with that whole stuff-thing. Secondly, whole meal was all confused by dates and is now leaving a little later, but still, not late enough. Preferably never, but that’s a little silly, isn’t it just? I'm not being silly. I'm trying not to be anyway. Thank god for the internet. Okay, I’ve been writing this on the bus, so I think I should shut down and get off of it or something. Yay, I actually pulled off a blog post. I’m still sorry about the lack of Fifi. Hopefully I get my internet back up and am able to give you all Fifi sometime soon :D

Still no comics... but its okay!

2010-08-14T14:34:00.002+12:00

This is going to be one of those real posts. What does that mean? It means Im going to put actual effort into this post. Why havent I been doing that lately? Let's just say that Ive been... tired. In short, I have been actually tired, but I have also been facewalling because of school stress and Id really like it if Monday never comes. Reason shall not be mentioned. Honestly, there are several, but I dont want to think about them. Okay, I was trying to do this blog properly, then I got a call and I was all distracted. Damn you lack of being able to hold phone to ear with shoulder and type. Ssh... dont judge me for my limited multitasking skills. Limited because I can multitask, but not talking. I like to talk. Its attention consuming. Or something like that. Yeah.

Oh noes aimlessness!

Okay. Im hungry. I think Im going to go and do the supermarketing with my mam after work... which Im at now. I have no internet at home.. so its not like I had a choice. Choice about what you ask? Exactly. Yeah that's right. You better be confused. It was my intention. Because Im a sneaky person. Sly like a fox. And "sah-pleye-zing" like some kinda ninja or some s--t. Hehe, did the dashes confuse you? Ninja'd again. Bwahahaha.

Then the monkey was all "cheyeah I totally am going to own that thing you have thar"

So yea. I have run out of things to say. Dont worry though. Bear with me and by Monday I'll give you something to laugh at/read. That will actually have a purpose or theme and be planned out any everything. And checked for typos. Who knows, it might even have those comics I promised. Sure, I dont know where I put the pieces of paper I drew on, but Ill find it. So CALM...DOWN. I know youse is all antsy and cant wait to read something Ive written. No, Im not cocky really, Im just pretending. Its a kind of defense mechanism. Like swearing or punching people in the mouth. So, yall have a good day and thanks for dropping by :)

pac man with a 'stache.
check out the others.

From School

2010-08-12T11:28:00.002+12:00

My internet has died at home. Its kinda lame. I Have been drawing comics, with Fifi and whatnot (she even puts on an apron and hits me in the head..), but I just havent been updating. Ive had school, doan even judge me...

Naw kitty hugs. So. I was thinking about it, but I guess I dont have much to say about friends and others. I guess my brain is fried by my strange IT teacher, not to mention the slight (very slight) distraction of the latest Nerdy Show DnD episode. Wholemeal was all "judgey-mc-judge-judge" because of the bad old days of WoW and my nerdyness. Not sif I judge him for his strangeness. /shrug.

So yeah, that's it. That is all I have to say. I hope you dont mind, with my lack of blogging, not to mention teh decrease in quality of content. Im quite tired, but I dont know why. Have a good week. Im sure I'll post the comics soon :)

happy jake coughcough*

2010-08-09T16:54:00.002+12:00

yay for the evolution of the sad keanu, its happy jake! im sick. ive been in bed/sleeping all day so my head is a little fuzzy.. missing wholemeal. also missing all my school gang. why? cuz i can. well... i have to go make food now. /shrug

Thats one thing out of the way

2010-08-05T20:53:00.000+12:00

No more words, Im tired.